A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have had difficulties with a couple whom my boyfriend knew before me: I had a sexual remark made to me by the couples husband. I made this know to the wife of this man. She severed communications with me. She herself told me once, her husband had said something to their friends wife... However she did not know exactly what? It was enough for them to all fall out though. They were then cut off as I have been. She also told me they had fallen out with this person and that. They site the other people as being in the wrong.This couple have maintained their relationship with my boyfriend and this has presented me with ongoing difficulties: they have stayed with him, weeks at a time, when visiting this country. This can be 3,4 times a year eg. Christmas and so on. My boyfriend goes to parties and events that they arrange concerning themselves and their group of friends. Whilst I have spoken to him about this it is now taking its toll on me. I have spent weekends on my own etc. I feel somewhat out of it. Could you please give me some logical advice?W.L.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I am not "judge and jury!" Yes, it is her life... I have valid reasons not to come into contact with this couple again. This week the "jerk" came out in him again, directed at another couple, in front of his wife. I said I am not the first or the last..!! There is only so much that one can laugh off?? As for it probably being the beginning of the end, on us considering a break from this: That is one opinion only.. It seems we are very much together as a couple. We are to continue on for the better. Thanks everyone.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 A “foul and sick mouth” is NOT hitting on you. His wife knows trust me she KNOWS he’s a jerk. But she is married to him and stands by him. I get that totally. My husband is an idiot. But he’s MY IDIOT and I don’t need other people telling me what I already know about him. I made my choice. You don’t know why she made her choice to be with him, and it’s not for you to judge.
Telling her what she already knows is not needed. NOW if he made an actual pass at you that’s different. Clearly you just don’t like this couple and that’s ok.
If you feel you need a time out from the relationship then by all means take it. But be aware that it’s probably the beginning of the end of the relationship.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 November 2012):
 Hi
Yes you need time out, away from him,if your health is being affected then you definately have to step away for your own good.
I don't see why your boyfriends health is suffering unless he doesn't have the guts to end the friendship or your relationship and now feels like piggy in the middle.
As for the odious couple if they lose friends constantly then they will cling on to him as long as he lets them.If the wife knows what her husbands like then she accepts his behaviour and deals with it by cutting off friends.Maybe she plans it that way to remove who she sees as threats?
While your on a break spend the time with people who are easy to get along with or with family,where no pressure is involved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is an update so far... I would like to say I am female and not male! All of the responses have been interesting in one aspect or another... I consider the husband in question, to have a quite a "mouth" on him. His remark was fowl and sick.. I am not the first or will I be the last. His wife knows what her spouse is like: but she is married to him!
In relation to my boyfriend and these friends of his: he has said, in the past and now, he was playing "party politics" in the situation. I myself have thought to that, how easy?
When asking him about the future: with reference to them coming again. He has said lets see how it goes. I feel at this rate, that maybe we need time out. After all we both have health issues which have been affected by this??
Please let me know what you think of my update? Your input would be much appreciated. Thanks.
W.L.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 November 2012):
 These people have acted badly. If my boyfriend chose friends like these over me, he wouldn't be my boyfriend for long.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 November 2012):
Ya know, the person who issues the ultimatum usually loses. My husband does not get along at all with some of my FORMER friends. They are now former friends because they told me “you will have to choose us or him”. I choose him. So now I have lost these friends…. It’s sad for me… but NO ONE will tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. FWIW I was friends with them first. THEY ARE GONE now. Longevity does not automatically make the decision for me.
I personally think you did the right thing telling the wife that her husband was inappropriate with you…she has a right to know her husband is being a dog… unless of course it was in fun and you just have a very thin skin…. Because there are sexual remarks and then there is “hitting on you”… was he hitting on you or just “sport flirting”…. Either way clearly she sees you as a threat.
She has not told your partner that he has to choose but he’s clearly made his choice. Why is your boyfriend not standing up for you? Why is he not saying “my GF is coming with us, since it’s an event that they are NOT hosting, since they are staying IN HIS HOME why are YOU not welcome at the same time?
Personally a man that chooses his casual friends over me is not a man I would want as a partner.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (5 November 2012):
Hi
Well personally I wouldn't have told this mans wife that he had said something to me,you could have dealt with it by using a caustic reply or laughed it off.Thats what I have done in the past and its worked.
Since you HAVE said something and been cut out of their 'circle' and your fella has chosen to keep their friendship, he has shown where his loyalties lie.
All you can do is accept the situation, see other friends to spend your time with when he's with them... or maybe just find a new boyfriend....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): If your boyfriend wants to continue to be friends with them I don't see the problem in that. The problem is that he is not organizing his tine properly. If its the two of you suppose to have time together then he should not spend time with his friends. He shouldn't allow his friends to monopolize the alone time that you have. I think he is taking you for granted by putting them ahead of you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 November 2012):
 Here's some logical advice: Get a more-loyal boyfriend and a nicer circle of "friends".....
That should do it....
Good luck....
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