A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am ready to break it off! My bf recently had a birthday, and due to unfortunate circumstances, I was a little late in asking him what he wanted to do for his birthday. I asked him the day before what he wanted to do, he responded with he was going to spend a few hours with his son and contact me when he is done, never really answering my question. I wished him a HBD on his birthday, and as we were talking on the phone he stated his brother was calling and he would call me back when he was done. Well, I waited and waited, no phonecall. As the evening he went on I was getting a bit upset. I didn't hear from him until after 10 p.m. that night. I was so upset that I didn't answer the phone. He then sends me a pic of a gift that he received from someone else. I was still upset that I did not respond to it. He calls me the next evening and we talk for about 20 minutes, with no mention of his birthday.The next day I ask him if he wanted to spend his birthday with me, he responds with he did, but that I never offered to do anything with or for him, that he was disappointed in me, he would never have done me like that, and thought I cared a little more than that. Then he mentioned that his phone was ringing all day long because people were calling him - what does that have to do with anything? I understood he wanted to spend time with his son, that wasn't an issue. I had to remind him that I did ask him what he wanted to do - in advance, and that he never followed through in what he said he was going to do - call me back when he was done with his son and talking to his brother.What does that have to do with anything? He's trying to flip the script and make it seem like I am wrong for not spending time with him on his birthday when it was him who never answered the question about what he wanted to do. I am not speaking to him, because honestly I feel like he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm really ready to break it off!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): I ask and plan a month in advance and if he says nothing, I plan. I get him a gift and take him out. Grand extravegant movie theatres. Because thats what he likes hes very simple. Point is you should always make an effort. Ive been forgotten b4 and barely get a happy birthday, its very hurtful. Esp when you remember theirs. Take him out for a belated bday. Wrap a gift. Get him cake. Appologize. best of luck.
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (8 November 2012):
 If you are willing to end the relationship over something so petty then you really shouldn't be with him because you clearly don't have something special together. I think you are both in the wrong here, as adults you should each communicate and apologize to each other. Instead you are not speaking to one another like children. I don't mean to be harsh but seriously it is teenage behavior. I see it this way, his birthday is tomorrow so you ask if he wants to do something. Kind of a throw away question if you ask me, you should have already planned you will definitely be doing something together. The way you asked sounds like his birthday didn't mean much to you so I assume his feelings were hurt. The next day you tried to get with him about it and he pretty much blew you off. That's his fault, he shouldn't have acted so immaturely sending you pictures of presents. But then you ignored him when he did try to get back to you, making it all about yourself on HIS birthday. Can't he do as he wants on his birthday? Why did it have to become about you not hearing from him when you wanted to?
And why do you feel like he was doing something wrong? Maybe he was just mad you weren't paying enough attention to him and was trying to get back at you. Talk to him and apologize for not having planned something for his bday. Hopefully he will then apologize for not responding to you at a better time. If you don't want to apologize because he isn't worth it then dump him. Also make sure to voice your concerns about what he was really doing. You must not trust him for some reason so that may be the real reason behind dumping him- not this birthday mess.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): You're in the wrong here.
You made a pathetic attempt at celebrating his birthday. Asking the birthday boy what he wants to do for his birthday is silly. Its meant to be a day of surprises, well wishes, spending time together, presents.
You did none of these things.
You made his birthday sound like a chore, like a last minute plan. Then on the day of, still nothing - no presents, no flowers sent, no showing up at his doorstep full of smiles and hugs. You just called him and said happy birthday.
I'm sorry but thats just horrible.
He was HURT. So he chose to ignore you and later send you a photo of a gift he received. He wanted to show you others care, when obviously, you don't.
I think you're quite self-absorbed, immature and selfish to act the way you did before the birthday, day of and after. You turned the whole situation back to you and your feelings, when it was his day, you were suppose to go all out and make him feel special.
You need to buy him a present quick and surprise him with it & apologies. You messed up here.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 If I know anything it is that men like clear decisive instruction and plans...they simply don't do 'second guessing' or 'mind games' or 'assumption'
Maybe it would have been better for you to ask him
'Is there anything special you wanted to do for your birthday or are ya happy for me to make a surprise for you?'
That way he knows you are cooking something up for him, unless he wants to open his mouth and be more direct about what he wants.
Him failing to call you after seeing his son, probably had nothing to do with you/him/his birthday, maybe he just got caught up and forgot to call you.
He sent the pic because he thought you wern't going to bother to do anything for him...childish but maybe he is a childish bloke.
For most men, you have to spell it out...it's the quickest route from A to B.
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A
male
reader, lost cartographer +, writes (8 November 2012):
Yep. Everyone is busy. Guys are like kids on their birthdays. We like to think that the whole world revolves around us on one day of the year. It isn't about money, or grand presents, it is about the people around us making us remember how much we mean to them.
The way you acted is pretty hurtful. I think he would have preferred you to plan something rather than ask him the day before. That just (rightly or wrongly) shows that you dont really care.
It is really up to you if you break up with him but I think you let down his expectations on how much you mean to each other. For what its worth he is acting childish though trying to rub your face in it but I think that is just him feeling neglected.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): I thought this was a teenagers drama and your 40+ and fighting like a school kid. You don't mention buying a gift or doing anything besides casually asking if he had plans before and a quick phonecall. Then you ignored him, his calls and texts. Sounds to me he has a legitimate reason to be upset with you. If u wanna dump him do it but don't try to blame him for it all unless you KNOW he was doing something bad. I think if he treated you the same on your birthday you dump him for it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): So you did absolutely nothing for his birthday? No gifts, no surpises? No wonder he blew you off, what did you expect? Usually women don't act this crappy unless they've really been wronged by the guy but you didn't mention any of that.
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