A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am not happy in my marriage. My wife is my best friend, but there is no real desire or passion. In addition, she is an alcoholic. We've struggled with these issues for a long time and I have reached the end of my rope.My problem is that I cannot afford to move out to my own place and I don't have any friends willing to take me in. However, neither can I remain living in my current situation. I make a high income, but our combined expenses are very high and my disposable income is very little. How can I extricate myself? I feel trapped.
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alcoholic, best friend, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): I'm terribly sorry that you feel trapped in your relationship, I really feel for you. Unfortunately there is no such a thing like men shelters, you know what I mean, there are women shelters but nothing for men. That must be a tough situation for anyone to go through. I know that you probably don't want to hurt your wife's feelings and as you said she is your best friend so I agree with "so very confused" you need to tell your wife you want a divorce if you haven't told her yet and also see if you could share the same house until you save money and move out to your own place. Now do you have siblings or relatives where you can stay for a while if you say non of your friends are willing to take you in? I wish you all the best and a lot of blessings. Good luck and look after yourself.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 November 2012):
 Do you have kids? If you do, then you need to think of their financial support before you think of your own.
If no kids, you need to see a lawyer and find a way to save money (maybe get a second temporary job?)
Keep your paperwork straight, cut back on spending and focus on leaving...if you want it bad enough, you will find a way.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2012):
 can you cut back on your expenses?
is your wife working?
does she know you want a divorce? IF NOT you must tell her.
have you moved into the guest room? IF not that would be the first thing... separate bedrooms, separate lives...
first thing you should do is contact a lawyer... and figure out in your state what you need to start divorce proceedings... for example in my state you cannot live under the same roof even in separate rooms but in the state of NY that's acceptable...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Hello,
Since it seems you made up your mind about leaving, I would suggest you look at what your expenses would actually be if you were living on your own (housing, car food, etc). If you currently have debts, I would look into a debt consolidation loan wiht your bank. What you are missing is a plan. You have a problem, you see yourself without your partner, but you don't know how to get there. I suggest you speak to a lawyer and find out a way to practically get out of your relationship. See what your shared liabilities are with your partner and try to come up with a strategy. It's all about plugging in the right numbers. You say you make a good income. Try to reduce your obigations somehow. Sell things you don't need or do the debt consolidation.Once this is under control, find yourself an affordable place to live. You will need to make some concessions to gain your freedom. Living with an alcoholic is also not easy and I am sure this is also a big reason for wanting out. If you feel your relationship is not worth saving, you need to come up with a plan and stick to it...even if it means it may take several months to make it happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): You will have to cut expenses and save for a while. Discuss your options with a divorce attorney. Taking positive action will help you formulate an escape plan and then you will no longer feel trapped.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): You need to start cutting your expenses and saving, once you have a nice kitty it will make the move easier.
Also, why cant you end the marriage and agree to share the house unless its owned by your wife.
You say she is your best firend, sometimes we find passion but the relationship lacks compatability, you need to make sur eyou leave for the right reason.
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