A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So... I'm having trouble getting over my ex-girlfriend. The thing is we've been on and off for almost a decade. This year though we've been getting really far apart. earlier this year I backed off because she wasn't showing interest at all, anymore. So we went 3 months complete NC. after a month she started seeing someone new, as usual. It hasn't been the first guy, she actually dated someone else for almost 2 years but ran back and for to me constantly (while declaring she loved him completely).Anyway, 2 months into her new relationship she calls me up one night and says she wants to see me, reluctantly I say okay and she comes to my place. one thing leads to another and we end up having sex. I know she isn't going to leave her BF for me so I play it cool and try the friend thing, to stay close, incase. well 3 weeks later I ask her if I could see her, and she flips out on me saying we could never work again and I need to let go and move on, it over, yada yada. I take the hint and it's been another month with NC. well recently her BF gave her a ring for their 3 month anniversary and they are kinda talking about the future (marriage, etc.) I know this cause facebook. Not like we're facebook friends, but she made this post public knowing I would be trolling her page. If she did this to hurt me or make me jealous, or just to make me realize she's moved on, i don't know. My question is this, I know I need to let her go and she seems happy but why would she cheat on her BF, profess her undying love for me and than give me the closure i've been waiting 10 years for? Is she really head over heels for this guy, and she had a moment of doubt? or does she still care for me and wants me to fight. I know she's playing games and I should let go but it's not easy, just need some advice, not judgment.
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male
reader, jossy  +, writes (13 November 2012):
Story of my life,although in my case she won't see me to give me the closure I have also waited for for the past 9years. You said it yourself,you got your closure. Why still stick around like a player waiting for the second half whistle of a football game?
Don't just move on. Jump on,fly on any which way. You alone can move yourself on.
Goodluck.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 November 2012):
 It's a stuck record, she isn't 'the one', just a bad habit.
She will only be able to hurt you if you are 'there'
Don't 'be there'
Accepting things are over is the hardest part, but it's the part that sets you free.
Your next relationship is waiting, how much time are you going to waste on this toxic 'thing'
Life is too short, move on, forget, be happy.
(delete her from FB, because that shit will screw up your head...you don't need it)
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A
female
reader, citadel  +, writes (13 November 2012):
You must find the awesome power of the word "NO"
That's your elixir.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): It sounds like she is playing a hurtful game with your heart. She obviously has some head/psychiatric issues. Just cut all contact with her. She is TOXIC to your life. Time to move on and not look back. There are so many nice sweet and loving girls out there looking for a guy like you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): "If she did this to hurt me or make me jealous, or just to make me realize she's moved on, i don't know."
She did it because she knew you'd be trolling her page.
"she seems happy but why would she cheat on her BF, profess her undying love for me and than give me the closure i've been waiting 10 years for?"
Because she's a conniving, controlling, manipulative, heartless, little female canine who knows she can get away with it because she knows exactly what buttons to push and what strings to pull to elicit the exact response SHE wants out of you.
"I know she's playing games and I should let go but it's not easy, just need some advice, not judgment."
Not judging you, just stating the obvious using harshest PG-metaphor available: she's got your dick on a leash and
your balls in a jar. Stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your brain; she's thinking with her conniving, evil little mind knowing that you're thinking with your dick.
I suspect she has some long-term, deep-seated issues that are manifesting in pathological, borderline sociopathic behavior. Every time she calls or comes running, you play right into her hands.
Please seek counselling, you are completely breaking her hold over you on your own; you need help, support, information and knowledge to understand, combat and overcome the tactics she's been using against you for the past ten years. Otherwise, you'll never be free of her and she will continue to treat you as her on-call eunuch.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (13 November 2012):
 HI
so sorry your being treated like a doormat! It's a case of she don't want you and she don't want no-one else to have you. Everytime she starts to get close to another man, she will feel that you MUST be doing the same i.e moving on. as you know already it's mind games and you must move on, I appreciate how hard it is for you to move on. The best way is cold turkey. change phone numbers, email addresses, any way that she could make contact. Then start doing things for you, start dating yourself ( well not YOURSELF) lol but you know what I mean. At first it will be hard and mainly just fun or drinks. But eventully you will see the light and open your heart again for true love. Don't give up hope there IS someone there just for you. I firmly believe things happen in life for a reason, so maybe your ex has some learning curves there for you to move on by.
Mandy x
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