A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i caught mt husband having sex in the house we share and on our bed.i have caught cheating before but thought he stopped.i am confused and dont know what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, SFaist +, writes (12 November 2012):
 Hi, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I felt I wanted to share with you my experience with my first husband. I will keep it brief. He cheated on me ALOT. I would always take him back due to my own low self esteem and I loved him so much, I couldn't resist. Finally, when he came to me telling me that I belonged to him and he wanted me to come home. That was the last time. He cheated again and I mean it was toth point if he so much talked to a girl, to me, he cheated. I left him with the clothes on my back and fell off the face of the earth. Literally moved to another state. Then....
2 years ago, he found out my married name and looked me up on Facebook :(. We talked and he told me I was right to leave because he never changed. Basically he admitted that he still cheats on his current wife. So, I know how hard it is to make such tough decisions......and I may be wrong, but take it from a confessed cheater.....they may not ever change. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 Ok he's a serial cheat, this means he most likely will never stop.
My Granpa was a serial cheat all his life. My granma stayed with him, knowing he was a cheat and she died of a stroke at the age of 63. He has been cheating with the same woman for 10 years and after my gran died, he cheated on the 10 year woman with another woman. He died in another womans house (probably in her bed)from a heart attack at the age of 77.
My granma was a demoralised, unloved shadow, but she was too afraid to be on her own so she suffered the cheating as an alternative to finding the strength to leave. She never ever complained of it, but ultimately the stress of it is what brought about her untimely death.
I guess what I am trying to say is, he probably will never change so you have to make a choice to stay and keep your mouth shut, or leave and start a new life for yourself.
Your life, your choice...but the chances of him changing are slim to none.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (12 November 2012):
 It sounds like you are married to a serial cheater. If you've given him an opportunity to mend his ways and he doesn't take advantage of it, then either there is something wrong with him or he isn't getting something from your marriage.
You don't give us many details to go on but I would do the following:
1) Seek out help -- for yourself. By going to a therapist, you can determine what your next steps might be and you can get over the anger / resentment. Also the therapist may be able to determine what is missing or wrong with your relationship. While I doubt your relationship is fixable, he may see otherwise.
2) Consider consulting an attorney. See what it is going to take for a divorce and whether you have the nerve to do it. You don't mention if you have children or not, but they will be affected to and will ultimately should be considered in your plan.
3) Protect yourself. Should you ever sleep with your husband again, be wary of diseases he may be carrying. Who knows the number of partners he may be sleeping with besides the one you just caught him with.
I think you have some decisions to make, but when a man is caught cheating multiple times it often times takes a miracle for him to right his ways and for you to ever trust him again. Many relationships become irreparably destroyed after multiple infidelities. I urge you take some sort of action as merely accepting another "promise" from him will likely result in the same thing happening again.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): LEAVE! Life is to short to be with someone that take you for granted! Good Luck
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