A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Adult Woman Crush on Professor,This is extremely distracting to me. I have not been able to fully focus in class, I got my first B+ in a class that is an easy A+ (due to the fact I was more concerned how I looked prior to class than going over notes, conjoined with more focused on him than paying attention than studying, as I realized the crush had esclated).He is a man in his early forties and I am a woman in her mid thirties. I am not sure if he is single (though there is no wedding ring and yes I checked on-line and didn't see a spouse listed. I did this because I in no way shape or form wanted to flirt with a married man). I try to keep this as professional as possible, but he is an easy-going, fun professor who thrives on debates, communication and being real (a very dangerous combo for such a sexy man. He has years of ratings that include how much us women enjoy looking at him haha).This man is the first man in YEARS (after a very draining and boring relationship I was in for the previous 4 years. A man that went from shakespear to FaceBook in a nanosecond, and when I attempted to start an intellect in our conversations was too busy telling me how much a bitch and pain I was who thought to highly of herself). So now here is this man, who is NOT my type physically (I prefer very tall, thick muscular men, as I am only 15% body fat and all lean muscle, however not very tall a woman). He is short and in shape I'd assume, but won't be competing at a weight-lifting contest anytimme soon. He is however, highly energetic, charismatic, intellectual, well-learned, articulate and passionate when he speaks. Having any conversation with him stimulates me intellectually as well as physically and it drives me wild. I spoke with him about 30 or so minutes on the phone the other day and hated having to hang up because I was enjoying the conversation so much (THIS was the moment the crush grew WAY beyond what was just a fun thing for me), I started to very seriously want to get to know him better at that juncture.I find him now, incredibly physically, intellectually and yes... mysteriously attractive and want to jump over the desk, pull him in close, kiss him and tell him to debate political science with me. I can't drop the class this late in the semester but it's KILLING me to feel this way. I just want to find out if he's single, if the mutual attraction I assume we have (he seems to be with me on this but it's not a typical situation to determine these things because I'm his student and sit in front so of course he'll stand near me, have eye contact, respond to calls and emails, be friendly and compliment my intelligence. I'm also one of the only people in the class who is enthusiastic and prepared and that's important to him. he did as when I graduated and I did ask if he has children and he seems happy to see me or talk to me but how the HELL do i know if this is my desires or real and then what do I do.I'm an intelligent woman who is losing her wit!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 November 2012):
 I don't see it as a problem once your course has finished and if he isn't married and is into you.
I would definitely cool it down a little and try to just focus on your work. Some crushes fizzle out once you start thinking straight and it would be a waste of time to blow your grades because you are so distracted.
Maybe don't appear too keen as this, after a prolonged period, can be off putting and you might find him avoiding you.
A
female
reader, citadel  +, writes (15 November 2012):
You are not in lust with this man, you are in lust with THE WORD.
I have one such relationship, mine however is equivalent to a french poet. Love his words so dearly, they are often my life saving breath.
We were once together, it was beautiful, but it was the word.
First there was the word... LOL
You need to group more often with intellectuals.
Find those groups and you'll find you will be attracted to many of them in a sensually, maybe even hook up with one.
In the meanwhile, class is as class acts. Be cool, read some big heavy books.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): So I read the Cerberus article and yes, I am aware it's not allowed while an active student in that particular course. Also yes, I'm aware of what they are taught and that it could just be a crush not a mutual feeling. However, I'm not exactly a teenager here (tho I could be the parent of one as many of my friends are in these years of life), & its content doesn't really relate to me on the most part. I am an adult, as a matter of fact my parents Think its adorably cute to see their grown adult child so smitten for the first time in years. Mom would like me to ask him out post semester haha.
I'm not sayin ill end up with this respectable and let me reiterate RESPECTABLE gentleman; however I will say nowadays with work rules on dating and school rules on dating its very clear how on-line dating has grown so popular.
What exactly is so wrong about two grown adults to have a connection perusing something after there's no roles in relationship of tho type. Sometimes people just meet in non-ideal situations.
I'm not a Pollyanna and realize this could be nothing more than a school-girl crush at a mother-of-a-school-girl-age, but what if it IS more.
After the course ends how can you see an issue with that
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (14 November 2012):
Most universities and colleges forbid professors from engaging in relationships with current students. Depending on your institution's policy, he may be able to date students that he does not teach or aren't getting a degree from his department; however, every institution has different policies.
My fiance teaches at a college and he gets along with his older students much better than students who are 8 years younger. The younger students are disrespectful, lazy, and do not know how to listen and follow instructions. He may be friendly towards you because you are closer to his age and you have more in common with him than he has with his other students.
You need to use a search engine and find your institution's employee/faculty handbook and determine whether professor/student relationships are completely prohibited, or whether they are permitted under certain circumstances.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 November 2012):
 You may be highly intelligent... but you aren't using your "street smarts" to be sure that your school-girl crush doesn't impede your ability to study properly...
Work on that....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, OscarsMummyReturns +, writes (14 November 2012):
I would say calm it right down ! Hard i know but the last thing you want to do is make yourself desperate/over keen etc.I think as your lecturer he has a code of conduct and will know not to make a move on you it certainly wouldnt look good to his boss!Its good to have someone you fancy the pants off it makes you want to get up in the morning - if it was me i'd not exactly play it cool but cut out the telephone calls and keep it to the class room for now, i guess hes got an idea you like him so calm it down a bit and see how he responds - be good in your studies, always look hot and bw witty, classy and fun with all your fellow students - be the woman everyone wants a piece of - who knows maybe he will think the same.But i wouldnt suffocate him, pull back a bit and see what he does ??I hope it works out
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A
female
reader, VioletSparkle  +, writes (14 November 2012):
something similar happened to me when I was like 28, so not a schoolgirl either. I won't go into detail about my story, also because that was a silly crush and yours sound like it could develop into something.
My advice is to get out of the student role, if you want him to like you that won't happen because you are good in school, and try meeting him accidentally outside. Did he answer you when you asked him about children? How comes you have phone calls with him, is that normal in your university
Anyway, in general crush don't generate true love because they are too one sided, so another main thing I would urge you to do would be to try and date some other guys in order to regain some power and equanimity. "He" should be having a crush on you at this moment, not the opposite.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): Cerberus has an article about crushes on teachers you should read. It's normal it happens but its a crush. Your not going to be with your teacher so don't even think about it. Go read the article. Good luck.
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