A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok my question I have is about a guy who has become a great friend in my life over the past 4 months. About a couple of weeks ago we slept together and I was ok with it. Than it happened again. I have realized in the meantime that I would sometime like to start a relationship with him. So I asked him if he could ever have a relationship with me!!! And his response was:Ya, I mean someday maybe. But that he was concentrating on his fixing to be new born baby right now. He tells me I am the bestest friend he has. But ever since I told him that I feel like he's been distant. He invited me to come stay at his house tonight and I waited forever for him to text me after he got off work. I feel like he may like someone but he seems to need to keep it away. I'm pretty mad at him right now and am hurt. I just want him to be honest and upfront with me. I don't know what else to do anymore :( I need advice!!!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 November 2012):
 OP: He's USING YOU for his se*ual pleasures.... and it "sounds" like you are letting him, based on your vaporous belief that he really gives a darn about you....
Special note: For the most part, guys DON'T "give a darn about" girls who are willing to put out for them when it is NOT APPROPRIATE. ("appropriate" means that you and he are sufficiently close and exclusive (Read: "in a real relationship") such that being intimate (having s*x) is OK).
Is that clear? Good luck....
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 just using you for sex and being vague to keep you on the hook.
He doesn't see you as relationship material, so unless you want your heart ripped to bits, get away from him and forget he exists.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): Here is the best advice for anybody young, old, male, female: NEVER HAVE SEX UNTIL THE GROUND RULES ARE CLEAR! If you are not sure don't assume, don't give in! Its pretty simple. Ask this simple question. Are you ready for an exclusive relationship with me? If its not a yes, you're old enough to read between the lines. From now on ask the question before you take your clothes off!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): "Ya, I mean someday maybe."
Haha OP that's a firm no. When we guys say that and I've said that a few times this is exactly what it means: "No chance in hell, I really don't ever see that happening but I don't want to lose the sex, who knows if you suck me off enough, spread your legs wide enough and often enough, maybe in the distant future in another dimension I will fall in love with you. So feel free to try and convince me, I'll enjoy you."
OP anything other than a "Yes" is a "no". I mean come on at your age you've surely been with and around enough guys to know what a "maybe" is. Don't let your feelings cloud your judgement and give you false hope. Also don't think for one second you can make him fall in love with your vagina, the way to a guys heart is not through his penis OP. after 4 months if there was any chance of him seeing a relationship with you he'd know by now and there is no chance in hell he'd ruin that with a flaky "someday, maybe".
You really would be a fool to keep letting this guy use you for sex with the most clichéd and oldest trick in the book.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 November 2012):
 It sounds like you are just a FWB to this guy and wont be anything more I'm afraid. You are old enough to know by now that if you have sex before you are at least dating then you are never going to be much more than sex to him. If he wanted a relationship with you he would be taking you on dates, pursuing you as a man would when we wants to be with someone.
Whereas this guy is sleeping with you (not dating you), telling you that you are a great friend and that he doesnt want a relationship right now because of his child. That means he is happy to have a FWB with you (i.e. he will have sex with you whenever you or he wants) but he doesnt want a relationship.
And now that you have given him sex so easily, he will never be able to see you as anything more than a FWB. Men want a nice girl who plays a little hard to get, they dont want someone who will jump into bed with them at the drop of a hat. That is not the kind of girl to take home to meet their mother!
I would end this FWB now as you are already hurt and it is going to get worse. He doesnt want a relationship with you so you need to end this and move on, I know you want him to be honest with you but you cant see that he has actually been pretty honest already.
Lets look at it sentence by sentence to show you exactly what he means:
1. "Ya, I mean someday maybe." = I'VE BEEN PUT ON THE SPOT AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I CANT SAY NO TO HER FACE SO I'D BETTER SAY SOMETHING VAGUE.
2. "But that he was concentrating on his fixing to be new born baby right now" = I DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP NOW. I AM FOCUSING ON MY CHILD.
3. "He tells me I am the bestest friend he has" = YOU ARE A GREAT FRIEND AND I DONT WANT THAT TO CHANGE. YOU ARE ONLY EVER GOING TO BE A FRIEND TO ME.
I hope that makes it clear - he has been honest, he's told you in no uncertain terms that he doesnt want a relationship but obviously he is happy to keep having sex with you. If you want to be his sex toy then fine, carry on. But he will never have a relationship with you so you need to decide if you are going to allow him to carry on using you for sex, or if you are going to walk away and find a man who can give you the relationship you want.
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