A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's my question.. Do I keep trying or do I give up? I met a wonderful man last year and we began dating, it was never easy as he lives 200 miles away but we managed to see eachother once a week for a year and things were great, we went on holidays together and made plans for the future. It wasn't without its ups and downs, mainly due to the stress of the distance between us, but we were both happy and made it work. I saw him 2 months ago and he said he needed space and that he can no longer see me. I asked why and he said he couldn't cope with the distance, that when we're together he's the happiest guy in the world but when we're apart it kills him and he hates that if I've had a bad day he can't be there to comfort me etc. He said the stress of it had started to affect his work, he was snappy with his friends and family etc and it just wasn't fair. He said the biggest problem was that he couldn't see a future for us because of the distance.. He does a lot of travelling with his job an is away a lot but is contracted to stay where he is now for the next 3 years and I could not move to him as my children see their father three times a week and so I couldnt just up and take them away from him. I don't know what to do, we have been apart almost 3 months now but its killing me, we both agreed we wouldn't speak or have any contact at all as it would make the break easier but twice we have spoken on the phone and I know he misses me. I asked him if he still loved me and he said he can't allow himself to.. If he admitted to himself that he still loved me then he'd have to act on it but he can't so he keeps trying to tell himself that he doesn't love me. I am so confused, what do I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 November 2012):
 Sadly if you two can't make this work LDR for three years (the limits of his job and your refusal justified with small children) to move the children) then he's done the right thing.
Sometimes love does NOT conquer all.
And it sucks.
I am married to my former LDR boyfriend. We could barely cope with a 90 mile distance and only managed it for a year before he gave up his lease and his job and moved his entire life to be with me in my town.
We have close friends that are the same distance apart. They got married in September and continue to live LDR for three more years because the husband is close to retirement and he has to live in the city he works for... so they see each other 3 out of 4 weekends a month and have nightly skype... HE offered to retire early for her and she refused....
The key is, he does not want to be apart from you, it's too painful for him (and i get that)
What you do is maintain the NO contact... and move on... in three years when he's free to move (or when you are able to move the kids) if you are both still free, then you can revisit the issue.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (14 November 2012):
 Really difficult this one!
Unless he decides to move closer to you, I don't see how things can work, but in todays economic climate jobs arn't so easy to find.
You don't say how old your kids are but I am guessing still quite young, so to take them away from their dad is wrong.
I would say, maintain the no contact, because there is no solution at this time. Perhaps he will decide he cannot live without you and start searching for another job...who knows?
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