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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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Should I tell him about my STD?
Q. Soo I have this nasty ass ex boyfriend i've dated for 3 years and we had sex maybe a month ago. I heard he was sleeping around and sure enough he gave me clamidia. I took the z pack a week an half ago. Now i have a boyfriend and i don't know ...
A. 13 July 2010: You need to get checked again before you can think about having sex with him just to make sure the medicine has worked. This website might help you
http://yourstdhelp.com/free_clinic_locator.html
Or if that doesnt help, go back to the doctor w... (read in full...)
Should I force an issue just to be near him for a week?
Q. Hi, I’m a doctor and I need to locum to make extra money at present. Is it too forceful to arrange a locum shift for an entire week at my boyfriend’s hospital (and by default move in for the week) just to be near to him? I could locum anywhere...
A. 9 July 2010: Well to a lot of people (myself included) dont like the idea of working with your partner. I love my boyfriend very much but if I worked with him all day and then went home to him as well, it would drive me mad! I like to keep my professional life ... (read in full...)
How do you get over the residual feelings when you know the relationship is done?
Q. So I am 2/3 the way through a divorce from my wife of 15 years (partner for 20). We had a long talk last night about many things, but mostly about meeting other people. We are both convinced the divorce is the right thing, but I think we both ...
A. 8 July 2010: I cant tell you how to get over the residual feelings, that has to come from you and with time.
However what I can tell you is that you need to end your current relationship with this new woman! You have rushed into it too fast, the poor woman is... (read in full...)
Does it bother guys if you havent been kissed yet?
Q. im just wondering but do guys get repulsed when girls havent been kissed before??...
A. 8 July 2010: Strange question!
1. Guys wont be able to tell you have never been kissed therefore it cannot be "repulsive" if they dont know about it
2. I think most guys would be pleased to be your first kiss, it is quite sweet.
3. Girls who kiss too man... (read in full...)
At what age do you figure you will want to be married at and why?
Q. Hey Guys: Just for curiosity's sake, at what age do you figure you will want to be married at and why? And for those of you married already, at what age did you tie the not? What made you want to get married and was it more about the person or about ...
A. 8 July 2010: Well I always wanted to be married by the age of 24/25 (I am now 23) - but life has come along and shown me it doesnt quite work that way! I am with a lovely guy now and we hope to get married in the future, but frankly we cant afford a wedding yet ... (read in full...)
Will we ever be able to move forward with our relationship?
Q. ok well just over a year a go i met my boyfriend in a club. I saw him and could not help but smile at him. We had spoken briefly years before on facebook and I recognised him. Immediately I had a feeling that something would happen between us and I ...
A. 8 July 2010: I'm sorry but there is a lot in this post that makes no sense!
1. You say you have a lot of problems in your current relationship and would both like to work it out - but what are the problems? All this very long post has said is that you have an ... (read in full...)
Should I force an issue just to be near him for a week?
Q. Hi, I’m a doctor and I need to locum to make extra money at present. Is it too forceful to arrange a locum shift for an entire week at my boyfriend’s hospital (and by default move in for the week) just to be near to him? I could locum anywhere...
A. 8 July 2010: Quite simple - talk to him! Say you are looking for some locum shifts, and there are some available in his hospital, would it be ok if I came to the hospital for a week? Or would it be too much?
Then he will reply and you will have your answer. ... (read in full...)
She asked me to be her boyfriend one day after we met!
Q. Hello, I am a 15 year old boy who sorta has a problem. Right now I like this girl who is 16 and goes to my school, very much and she is a close friend of mine. I think she likes me too. So yesterday i was on this chat site talking and meeting new ...
A. 8 July 2010: You need to learn that you cannot do things like this just in case you "dissappoint" someone, you are in a worse mess now than if you had just said no! This is part of learning about relationships and how to deal with people, you actually have to be ... (read in full...)
Not really looking for a relationship but confused if I should follow up with this girl I met on Saturday..
Q. I met a girl on Saturday and I thought we had a good conversation abit maybe a little drunk. I phoned up after we left the nightclub and spoke for about an hour. I thought I had spoken to her before that night (on a previous night). She seemed very ...
A. 8 July 2010: Well if she has just stopped talking to you altogether then leave it, but if she does get in touch again as I said before it is best to be honest and explain your situation.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Is there REALLY an age limit on love???
Q. Hi! My boyfriend of almost six months is 19 turning 20 in August and I`m 15 turning 16 in September, I look older for my age and I`m also more mature than most 15 year old girls. I know a lot of teenagers say that, but, no, I REALLY am. I`m going to ...
A. 8 July 2010: A 5 year age gap when you are 24 and he is 29 is not bad at all, so it is not the age gap that is the problem. You can love someone regardless of their age. But the reason society has a problem with children dating adults is because of sex - ... (read in full...)
Not really looking for a relationship but confused if I should follow up with this girl I met on Saturday..
Q. I met a girl on Saturday and I thought we had a good conversation abit maybe a little drunk. I phoned up after we left the nightclub and spoke for about an hour. I thought I had spoken to her before that night (on a previous night). She seemed very ...
A. 8 July 2010: Well if you are leaving plus you are not looking for a relationship then I think it is best to be honest with her - call her and tell her you had a great time with her on Saturday and she is a great girl but you are moving away soon so you dont feel ... (read in full...)
Would it be crossing the line to request an STD test?
Q. hi people, just a quick question, my partner just revealled he had unprotected sex with a few women before he met me 3 yrs ago. I asked if hes clean but he just said i think so. Everything seems to be ok with him downstairs but i just wondered if...
A. 6 July 2010: Not at all - you should definitely ask him to get one, just be careful how you word it!
My general rule with sex is that we have sex using condoms (when with a new partner) until we have both been tested for STD's and the results have come bac... (read in full...)
Should I stay in London now that things seem to be getting better?
Q. am a 43 year old female, childless and single - and not unhappy. I came to London 3 years ago. I had been struggling to find enough freelance work as a designer in Munich, Germany and it seemed there were more opportunities for me in London. So far ...
A. 6 July 2010: I would say you should go back to Germany - there is no point in doing a job that you dont enjoy in London when all the people you care about are back home. There is nothing holding you down in London apart from the idea that things "might get ... (read in full...)
How can I help my ex partner who still wants a relationship get over his awkwardness?
Q. I'm 15 and for about 3 months I was dating an 18 year old. Everything was perfect, until he had a warning from the police stating our relationship was illegal. Since we have agreed to be good friends until I'm 16 in about a month when we will decide ...
A. 6 July 2010: There is not a lot you can do really - the problem is that the police have come in and made him feel like the relationship is wrong, so now in his head he sees you as a child and someone who it would be wrong to have a relationship with.
You c... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never wants children but I do
Q. So my boyfriend and i have been together nearly a year and have been friends for 8. We recently had a chat about children I'm nearly 26 and he is 22. He comes from quite a large family and seems to have a wonderful bond with his nieces and nephew, ...
A. 6 July 2010: I think it is massively important to talk about this before your relationship progresses any further.
I will give you one example of some family friends of mine - Claire and her partner were very much in love, had been together a few years wh... (read in full...)
I want to donate a kidney so my mother can have another couple of years
Q. hi..ok i know this isnt about relationships but im desperate. my mum is currently on the waiting list for a kidney, both of hers are failing and we are running out of time, we've been told she won't get one in time so we need to consider being ...
A. 4 July 2010: If your mum was in good health aside from the kidney problems then I would say yes, you should get tested to see if you could donate.
But the problem here is that she is a very ill lady, and the chances are she wont survive much longer regardle... (read in full...)
Trouble with cousins, need help!
Q. Yeah yeah, "Its wrong". Dont bother, but I think I love 3 of my cousins and want to get with them. 2 of them are sisters and arent related to me by blood but the other is. I know family relationships are wrong, but I dont think I can help myself. I ...
A. 2 July 2010: "but its kind of hard to tell a guy with raging hormones that its wrong to get with beautiful women"
Read that statement back to yourself - you are totally right in what you are saying but think about this properly - are your cousins the only bea... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about my STD?
Q. Soo I have this nasty ass ex boyfriend i've dated for 3 years and we had sex maybe a month ago. I heard he was sleeping around and sure enough he gave me clamidia. I took the z pack a week an half ago. Now i have a boyfriend and i don't know ...
A. 1 July 2010: Well if you have not yet slept with your new boyfriend then there is no need to tell him - speak to your doctor and find out how long it takes for the medicine to clear it. Then once you are clear you can have sex with him but you MUST use a condom ... (read in full...)
Should I send his gifts back to him now that we've split up?
Q. I was with this guy for 2 and a half years, it was a serious relationship so we bought each other stuff like you do, but in the last 6 months things got very rocky and during that time we split up and got back together a total of 4 times. I cheated ...
A. 1 July 2010: Generally it is normal to keep the gifts (in my experience anyway) as if you send it back it is a bit like "here is all the junk you gave me, I dont want it now I have my new man so here you go, you deal with it" and then they are left with a ... (read in full...)
Can I get pregnant despite everything that is going against us?
Q. i am pre-menopausal for several years and maybe 1 period a year and my new companion is shooting blanks can i get pregnant. i am 40 he is 48 thanks...
A. 30 June 2010: By the sounds of things the chances of you getting pregnant if he is infertile and you having a period once a year are pretty slim.
But then again why do you want to get pregnant? To be honest it is a bit selfish having a baby after 40, especial... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't make my low self esteem any better!
Q. I have a low self esteem but i don't think that my boyfriend makes it any better. My boyfriend is a beautiful boy. He's the kind of guy any girl would love to be with (on the outside of course) he's tall blonde with beautiful glossy blue eyes with a ...
A. 30 June 2010: This is nothing to do with your self-esteem - your boyfriend is racist and is racially abusing you! I cannot understand why you are putting up with him, you deserve so much better!
Basically it sounds like he is only with you until his "perfect... (read in full...)
What do girls really look for in a man. (honest views only)
Q. Can I ask a question to the girls in this site and be completly honest. "What do you really lok for in a guy" I always see answers like good listener caring faithfull not cocky class good career prospects But never does "good looks" ev...
A. 28 June 2010: Well of course looks are important - anyone who denies this is just being silly. But the problem here is that "good looks" for everyone are different. For example I hate muscly men, and prefer a tall, slim man who is toned but not muscular. I dont ... (read in full...)
My weight and subsequent lack of confidence is making my relationship suffer!
Q. This is most definitely a confidence and health issue. For a while now, I have been trying to lose weight, because I'm low on confidence and my partner and I's sex life has suffered from it, simply because I can't bear to have him touch me or some...
A. 28 June 2010: Congratulations! How did you do it if you dont mind me asking?... (read in full...)
Why is she angry that I told her she was easy, when she is?
Q. So my girlfriend and I have a close mutual friend. She says she only fools/sleeps around with men if she potentailly sees them in a relationship. And she's had a few flings. So the other day she was wondering why this guy, whom she was seeing...
A. 25 June 2010: Yes you are being insensitive. The way this poor girl sees it is that she likes a man, wants a relationship and may on occasions make the wrong call and sleeps with them too soon. Calling her "easy" is basically calling her a slut - even if she acts ... (read in full...)
Should I let this guy come between me and my friends?
Q. I have a close relationship with two guys I have known since middle school. We have been best buds thru high school and now in college. I'd say our relationship is best described as comfortable and easy. I am not dating either guy, but we have ...
A. 25 June 2010: I'm sorry but these are not friendships! These guys are using you for sex and now they are only upset because their booty call is no longer available when they want it. I cant believe they would say something like that to you! I am actually a little ... (read in full...)
How often do you see your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Q. I really hate spending a whole day without my boyfriend. I hate the thought of going for a day without him and when he's gone I miss him so bad. Whatsmore is that with my exes I often used to go days on end without them and relied on msn but my ...
A. 25 June 2010: Its hard to give one standard answer to this one - it depends on your current circumstances. I mean if you go to school or uni together, and live close by then there is no reason to not see each other every day - it is pretty normal.
But if one p... (read in full...)
I'm 10 weeks pregnant but I don't feel anything towards this baby...why?
Q. Hi guys, Im wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar. I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year now, and everything is perfect with us. I know we're meant to be together. And although it wasn't planned, I found out I pregnant. ...
A. 25 June 2010: Well at the moment it is not really a "baby" in the typical sense of the word - it is just a bundle of cells that are forming a human life. It is hard to be "attached" to something that does not exist, after all it is only alive once you have given ... (read in full...)
Pictures of my girlfriend's chest are on another man's phone!
Q. What should I do. I have found out on a recent night out my long term girl friend allowed one of her friends boy friends to take pictures of her breasts? I only found this out when I read some messages he has been sending her on facebook about h...
A. 24 June 2010: I would be more worried if I were this guy's girlfriend! I mean her boyfriend has pics of another girls breasts on his phone - that is just weird!
I dont think you have too much to worry about here, it sounds like it was the result of a bit too ... (read in full...)
She's much younger than me, is a relationship possible?
Q. please help me! i am in a big confusion recently i fall in love with a girl, who is 10 years younger than me. please suggest to me that i am in a right way? it is possible for this much age difference? please reply. thanks i...
A. 15 June 2010: As all the other answers have said - if your age range is really 22-25 and this makes her 12-15 then this is very very wrong and you could get into a lot of trouble with the law if you try and pursue a relationship with her.
When you are say 35 a... (read in full...)
Damsel in distress
Q. Here is my situation... I have been living with my bf for 3 months now and we have been dating for 8 months. I am unemployed and spend alot of time at home and have no motivation to go out and find a job in my field. I do have my own money so he ha...
A. 12 June 2010: It sounds like neither of you are in the right place for a relationship at the moment - he is still married and rushed into a serious relationship with you, and you cant even stand on your own 2 feet with no job, no friends...basically no life apart ... (read in full...)
I want to be more lady-like!
Q. Hey everyone! Ok so I'm a 17 year old girl and I want to be more lady like now. Meaning I really need to clean up by shaving all the unwanted hair! Now my problem is neccessary to shave, how to do it and how often should I! also I'm scared to d...
A. 11 June 2010: Get your eyebrows waxed in a salon as this lasts a long time and they will do it much more evenly than you could ever do.
As for shaving - can you not talk to your mum about this? Or do you have an older sister, aunt...etc who you could talk to?... (read in full...)
Married twice by 26...afraid that will scare away my chances of ever dating again.
Q. I got married when i was 20 to a guy I was head over heels for. By the time I was 22 I was divorced after he turned into an abusive drunk. I got married again when I was 24 and had a beautiful little girl and now I am separated and on my way to ...
A. 11 June 2010: I think you have learnt a few lessons the hard way, and now it is time to take a step back from dating & relationships and just be alone and focus on your little girl.
I am not going to lie and say "it wont matter that you have been divorced... (read in full...)
Do I have any right to say anything to my ex about his drug taking?
Q. hello everyone. i'm in need of a little help. i am currently in a relationship but i've recently found out my ex boyfriend has been doing drugs. we've not been together for about 2 and a half years now but i still worry about him and to t...
A. 9 June 2010: You have a new boyfriend so I dont understand why you are still trying to be involved in your ex's life? Surely if you are in a new relationship then you have moved on, so why bother getting involved with something from the past?
I dont think yo... (read in full...)
I want to start a new life, be important, be something incredible. Can anyone help me?
Q. ok so i am like at a wall and this wall is very tall.....metaphore as in i want to start a new life i just want to move to the oddest place and get you know just a regular ol job just decent. i want to just do things i never thought i would ever ...
A. 9 June 2010: Well what are you good at? What do you enjoy doing?
There is no point in dreaming about being "incredible" if you have no idea what you could be "incredible" at!
It is good to be ambitious and determined, and to have a strong idea of what you... (read in full...)
I'm worried the man I have met online might think I am a gold digger!
Q. Hi all, I hope you can help me out on this one. I got talking to this guy on a free online dating site. He is a decade older than me and just instant messaged me out of the blue. We talked for a few hours online and exchanged numbers etc. H...
A. 9 June 2010: Look just because he is a partner in a firm and drives a porsche does not mean he is loaded. Yes he is successful and doing well, but being a partner often does not equal a huge salary. I work in the property industry and know plenty of partners in ... (read in full...)
Is there any chance for me and my teacher to be together?
Q. I'm 15, and I think I have a crush on one of my teachers. (he's around late-30s/early-40s). I wouldn't be interested in having a sexual relationship, but how reasonable do you think it would be? I know it's not very normal, and I'm not crazy enough ...
A. 7 June 2010: I'm sure you already know the answer to this one - I'm afraid it is no, there is no chance at all.
The main thing here is your age - you are far too young for him and if he went anywhere near you he would lose his job and be put on the sex offe... (read in full...)
Broken up but still living together
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. The worse thing ever is that I still live with him. We've been together for 5 years and lived together for 3. We usually do everything together whenever he gets off work early etc. But I can't adapt ...
A. 7 June 2010: Look there are times in life when you have to accept you are in a bad situation and do what is best - and in your case you need to move back with your family.
I went through the exact same situation as you - I split up with my ex when we were liv... (read in full...)
Why do men find fake women such a turn on?
Q. A question for men about lads mags...I'm just curious as to why so many men find the kind of women in mens magazines so sexy? I mean, typically, the women you see in these magazines, have fake tan, lots of make up, and fake breasts. What exactly is ...
A. 7 June 2010: Well reverse the situation - why do women in general lust after the guys we see in the movies, who have worked out like demons for 6 months prior to the movie to get in shape, whose make up artists use plenty of make up on them to make them look ... (read in full...)
I'm 13, he's 18 and I don't know how to proceed because he says he loves me.
Q. I am so confused. i know this boy that is 18, i'm 13. tonight he told me he loves me. out of the blue. i like him a lot and have for a long time, he is intelligent and very mature for his age. we met at church and i told him i wanted the pastor to ...
A. 7 June 2010: Well the biggest warning sign is that an 18 year old man claims to be in love with a 13 year old child, plus it does not sound like you have spent much time together so he clearly falls in love very easily! You are right to be worried about his age ... (read in full...)
As a working mom, do I need a maid?
Q. Dear Moms, I was wondering how you can be a working mom and raise your child on your own without having a house maid or a nanny full time to help you.. Im a soon to-be-mom and hope you can tell me about raising children on your own , as well as ...
A. 4 June 2010: I'm a big believer in getting a maid - heck I have one and I dont even have kids! I have a full time job and I just do not have the time to give the house a good clean, so once a week I have someone who comes and cleans the whole house.
Havin... (read in full...)
We are not married but she thinks she is entitled to half of everything, despite me already giving her a large sum of money!
Q. My girlfriend and I have recently split after a 10 year relationship. We were not married and have no children. Its clearly a very difficult time for both of us, and amongst everything else we are trying to come to some sort of financial settlement. ...
A. 4 June 2010: You are totally in the right here, you have been more than generous with her to give her a sum of money so she can stand on her own 2 feet. So for her to be demanding half of everything is ridiculous, especially wanting money you were given for your ... (read in full...)
Are women dating guys for money? To look good?
Q. hey ! im just wondering are women all the same ? heres my story ive dated this girl for about a year . im not the richest person don't make the best wages . the ex was a big spender loved to eat out fancy places , designer clothes , bags, ...
A. 3 June 2010: I think you have just met the wrong women!
I personally will happily admit I love money, it is important to me and I dont think I could be in a relationship with someone who was struggling financially. I have my life which I love and I want to ... (read in full...)
My weight and subsequent lack of confidence is making my relationship suffer!
Q. This is most definitely a confidence and health issue. For a while now, I have been trying to lose weight, because I'm low on confidence and my partner and I's sex life has suffered from it, simply because I can't bear to have him touch me or some...
A. 15 September 2009: Well that sounds like you are doing all the right things so maybe diet is not the reason behind your bloating, it might be worth going to see your doctor.
While I have been trying to lose weight the major thing I have found which helps give me ... (read in full...)
My weight and subsequent lack of confidence is making my relationship suffer!
Q. This is most definitely a confidence and health issue. For a while now, I have been trying to lose weight, because I'm low on confidence and my partner and I's sex life has suffered from it, simply because I can't bear to have him touch me or some...
A. 15 September 2009: Without knowing exactly what you are eating it is hard to say. Exercise doesnt really have much impact on bloating - it is normally to do with diet, water and hormones. If you want to outline what you eating then I might be able to help, but you ... (read in full...)
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