A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused. i know this boy that is 18, i'm 13. tonight he told me he loves me. out of the blue. i like him a lot and have for a long time, he is intelligent and very mature for his age. we met at church and i told him i wanted the pastor to talk to him first and that he'd have to wait 5 years until i'm legal. i like him very much and might one day love him, but tell me what i should do and what to look for as warning signs. Recap: What should i do? early possible warning signs? thanks and god bless Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): i say stay away from him. i know that may not be what you wanna hear, but i started talking to my sisters close guy friend. the night we talked i put a 3 (heart) next to goodnight. he said "i love you too" and i was like wtf okay uhm obviously you dont becuz it was so soon. we kept talking, afterwards i got obsessed. we met up and madeout and all he did was french me and grab my a**. it was really unattractive. well. i was 14 1/2 then and he is 19. now im 15 and i told him we needed to break it off becuz we stopped texting for 3 weeks then hed text me and id be liike no this is stupid. i honestly just think of him as some perve guy thats burned in my memory now :p so honestly i wouldnt do it. good luck.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 This could be a totally innocent remark by a young man who genuinely has respect and affection for you. However, I would really be worried if I were you. An 18 year old young man telling a younger girl such as yourself that he 'loves' you maybe a trick. Older boys can be good at emotional manipulation to get sexual favours from younger girls. If he is sexually inexperienced he may be targetting you for some 'practice' sessions before he moves onto a more mature lady. There may also be something in his personality that means he struggles to attract girls of his own age. It is easier to impress younger girls when you have 5 more years of life experience.
I am not normally against age-gap relationships but in your case I would be. There is a huge difference between 13 and 18 developmentally. By the time you are 18, you will probably be interested in dating 18 year old men. You sound very sensible and I don't think you will be misled by this boy. He may really like you but only time will tell if he sticks around and respects you in the long term. Don't rush into anything you are not ready for in the meantime as you may just end up feeling used.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Well the biggest warning sign is that an 18 year old man claims to be in love with a 13 year old child, plus it does not sound like you have spent much time together so he clearly falls in love very easily! You are right to be worried about his age - he is technically an adult and you have only just become a teenager so it is weird that someone his age would be attracted to a child - it could be a sign that he has some problems there.
And you cannot be in love unless you are in a relationship with someone, where you have gotten to know that person spending lots of time together and being close to each other. If he has just said this out of the blue - he clearly does not know what love is and falls in love very fast which is a warning sign right there, take whatever he says with a pinch of salt until you get to know him better and see what his intentions really are.
I think you are very sensible and you are handling this very well - as you said he will need to wait 5 years until you are legal. So all you can do until then is be friends with him - get to know each other better, you can hang out together and build up a friendship, and then see how you feel about each other. 5 years is a long time to wait, and if he is willing to wait that long for you then he clearly is a good guy and he is trustworthy. But he will have to prove himself and prove that he does actually love you over the next 5 years before you can really believe what he says.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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