A
female
age
41-50,
*uju67
writes: am a 43 year old female, childless and single - and not unhappy. I came to London 3 years ago. I had been struggling to find enough freelance work as a designer in Munich, Germany and it seemed there were more opportunities for me in London. So far so good...the first 18 months very very exciting and exhilarating. However the recession hit and I found myself going from 100 to 0. work dried up dramatically. My fault because I thought the freelance work would CARRY on. I had not saved enough money to see me through rough times and at one stage I couldn't afford the rent and had to move in with a man who kindly offered me a space in his flat. Unfortunately I was not in love with him. I know it sounds harsh, and believe me I would rather not have done that but it was a matter of survival. I missed Germany terribly. For the first time I began to realise the value of having my family and friends around me. I had no money, no savings, a debt, no friends and I for the first time I grew suddenly anxious of being older and not being able to finance a home or proper health care. A huge lesson learnt! So to make ends meet I took a job in retail and I have been doing that since. The problem is that is not what I came here to do. This frustrates me. I would be better off doing the same thing in Germany and have enough time to paint which is my passion. On top of all this, for some reason I am not attracted to English men and seemed to have isolated myself from meeting anyone. I do a lot of sports to keep myself feeling balanced but I have found living in London very very hard. However, things have improved and i have payed off my debts, saved some money and found a bit of stability in myself. Now my question is if I should stay or go back to Germany? I have craved going back for so long because of family, friends, the exquisite lifestyle, the fact that so many wonderful things have happened to me there... But, I have just recently noticed how things seem to be getting better here in London. I have people who want to go out with me, people I actually enjoy being around, and I even got a pay rise- even though the job bores me and cuts me off because I sit there all day everyday alone. I am aware that if I stay in London things could get better if I want them to - i could look for another job, move from the tiny room I live in and start over again and again and again. I look forward to hearing from anyone who has been in my situation or could help me see an alternative route. Please remember I am not unhappy, just unsettled and eager to know which way my life is going because I feel the desire too put proper roots down and now is the time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): unfortunately, things are very difficult here in the uk at the moment, regarding employment. i am unemployed at the moment, and i ahve tried so hard to get a job. i have also had jobs that i havent enjoyed doing. i have lived in england all my life. i am from a small town in the north west area. i have dreamed of moving to london as i love it there, but i guess, from what you have said, it isnt much different there to where i live now. i have also considered working abroad, as there may be better opportunities there. the only downside of moving away would be being away from my family and friends, but i would love to do a job i actually enjoy.my advice to you would be to consider the pros and cons of living in london , and pros and cons of moving back to germany . write them down if you like. it might be better for you to move baco near your family and friends in germany and find a better job there. i have never been there before, so i'm not sure how the employment is there, but i hope it is better there.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I loved living in London *back in the days*, but having moved all over the world, I can tell you this, being close to family BEATS everything for me.
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A
female
reader, Liza999  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Life is always starting over and over and over again and never really finishing. its the process. and it's your perception of this process, that will bring you joy or not. I'd like to suggest you give yourself a time for how long you will stay in London and let things play out for awhile. keep in mind all the reasons you left germany to begin with. Make a commitment to give it a 100% and then after the time you give yourself is up, you will know whether it is time to go back or not. " I am going to love my life in london for 6 months" and do so, go out with these new people, move out of that flat, be reborn in the same place and see what new and exciting things you will start to attract. If you are still not ready to commit to where you are write your question and place it under your pillow with the intention of receiving the information you need while you sleep :) worked for me ...Goodluck and wishing you contentment and clarity 8
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): I am extreeemly grateful to both of you for your sharp,intuitive words. I have goose pimples and realise that moving back to Germany is really what I want. Thankyou thankyou xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): London is a hard place to live whether you are from the UK all your life or you came here from another country. You have done extremely well to get your debt sorted and start to make some kind of life for yourself but perhaps, on the basis you are now working in a way that you had not intended and are missing family you could take a trip back 'home' and see with a fresh perspective (lessons learnt) how life could be back in Germany. Many countries are struggling economically so I cannot imagine an easy ride anywhere but I think your instinct will tell you whether or not Munich can offer you more on a personal and professional level. You need to listen with your heart not just your head as potentially you could 'make it' in both places. As you are freelance could you find a job which allows you to travel a little? With so few ties you are in a lucky position to be able to consider this option - perhaps toggling between Munich and London? If it is stability you crave then eventually you have to make a leap. Go to Munich for a couple of weeks and have a think and get in touch with yourself - where are your true passions in life.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I would say you should go back to Germany - there is no point in doing a job that you dont enjoy in London when all the people you care about are back home. There is nothing holding you down in London apart from the idea that things "might get better" - whereas in Germany you have family, friends, history and the lifestyle available to you there.
I would say that as a single woman there is nothing more important than family and friends, so really you should move back to Germany to be with them. And if things are getting better in London, then things will be getting better in Germany too so you might find that there will be new opportunities for you over there.
Even if you found a great job in London and got a nice house, you would still miss your family and friends, you still wouldnt be attracted to English men and you would still miss Germany. Therefore London will always just be a temporary thing for you, by the sounds of things I dont think you will ever see it as home.
So if you want to make some roots, make roots in a place you live surrounded by the people you love. That is always going to be the right decision.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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