A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a close relationship with two guys I have known since middle school. We have been best buds thru high school and now in college. I'd say our relationship is best described as comfortable and easy. I am not dating either guy, but we have all been intimate on a regular basis since high school. Just me and the guys, not them together if you get what I am saying. No rules and definitely no strings attached.I met this guy last semester and we have been dating since May and I like him a lot. We are getting pretty serious and he asked me to go steady with him. I like the idea of being in a relationship, but I don't want that to come between me and my friends. My friends and me made a pact back in high school that nothing would come between the three of us. I mentioned going steady to my friends and they kinda jumped down my throat about it. My one friend said something like... what so now we don't get to f' you anymore cause of this guy? So I said no no, nothing will change, but maybe I might want it to at some point. But what if things don't work out with this new guy and I reck these friendships I have had since we were kids. If I go steady with this guy, am I obligated to stop having sex with my friends, since they are just friends? I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, PM  +, writes (25 June 2010):
 In my experience, friends with benefits or no strings attached sexual relationships are temporary out of necessity. Most people want to, at some point, get married and raise a family. That usually means that they're going to be exclusive with their spouse so concept of a FWB simply doesn't fit into the paradigm of having children and having a family.
If you want a family in the future then you need to start accepting that this relationship with your friends will likely need to end at some point. It is doubtful that your future husband will want you having sex with these guys while you're married to him.
Also, I would like to point out that this isn't exactly no strings attached. There is one very important string: that they are allowed to continue to have sex with you. If it were truly no strings attached, they'd be okay with you not having sex with them but that is definitely not the case, from the sounds of it.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 June 2010):
 I'm sorry but these are not friendships! These guys are using you for sex and now they are only upset because their booty call is no longer available when they want it. I cant believe they would say something like that to you! I am actually a little shocked, and that is a lot for someone who has been on this website for well over a year!
I think you can tell your friends that you have found a man you really like and want to get serious with him. Tell them that you dont want to be a cheat therefore you will no longer be their f**k buddy but you do value their friendship and want to still maintain this, and that you hope they understand. If they dont understand and want nothing more to do with you - then they have shown that they are not interested in friendship, they dont care about your happiness at all and only care about having sex with you.
If they are true friends then they would be pleased you have met a nice man and would wish you well in your relationship, and would still remain your friends.
But I am guessing you have just been used - and these guys could not care less about you, or your feelings - all they care about is having their way with you and not having to invest any emotions into it. You are a glorified sex toy to these guys, and now it seems the sex toy is broken (so to speak) so they will move on and find the next one.
If they show their true colours and are angry at you for being happy in a relationship then you are better off without these pair of idiots - you dont need people in your life who are just around to use you for their own selfish pleasures.
But I guess this is up to you - in a "steady" relationship then no you cannot keep on having sex with other people, this is cheating and not what a relationship is about. If you are not ready to go "steady" and would rather remain in a casual relationship so you can still sleep around then you need to tell this guy you have been dating that you cannot commit right now because you are not ready. I think what you have been doing to him already is a little unfair - I bet he is not having sex with 2 other women whilst dating you! So if you dont want to give up your 2 f**k buddies then you are not ready for a serious relationship so it is best to let this guy you are dating move on and find a girl who can give him what he wants.
But if you are ready for a relationship and are happy to only have sex with one man then you should go for it, dont pass on this chance to be with a great guy who can make you happy. Great guys dont come along that often, so if you really like him then maybe you should take the leap and go for it. As I said before, these other 2 "friends" are not real friends and losing them from your life would be no big deal if they are really willing to lose you just because you are happy in a relationship.
So it is up to you - but if I were in your situation I would lose the 2 sex obsessed idiots and give this guy you have been dating a chance - you will only regret it if you pick your friends, who will then only forget about you when they meet the woman of their dreams and settle down. Bear that in mind - your "friends" will one day meet girls who they want to be serious with, and I would bet all the money I have that when that time comes, they are not going to continue having sex with you when they get a proper girlfriend!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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