A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend and I have a close mutual friend. She says she only fools/sleeps around with men if she potentailly sees them in a relationship. And she's had a few flings. So the other day she was wondering why this guy, whom she was seeing for a while, was all of the sudden not interested in her. I asked when they had sex, she said, on the first date. I said why, she said " I lure them in with sex so they don't have doubts how good it wil be". So I said, "You're easy...men are just as easy. You wanted sex, he wanted sex, you're both easy. The problem is men don't want to bring home an easy girl home to mom" . And she got mad saying she wasn't easy. She's not picky about who she sleeps with, and sleeps iwth a guy if she likes them, men do the same thing. Hell I'm easy...why is she mad at me if I call her easy....I means she wsonders why guy after guy, leaves her after a while, Why can't they admit what they are. Nobody's judging. It just seems like it's denail. Haha..I ask becaue now my girlfriend is mad at me for calling her friend easy....I mean come on. Call a spade a spade. There is a reason these guys leave her. Just admit you like causual sex and roll with it is all I'm saying....Am I being insensitive here? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Whoa, I can't believe so many people are sticking up for her and getting irritated with you! I think this friend needed a dose of reality. Many people (like myself) would have had a few other choice words to call her, rather than just "easy". Hey, if you sleep with guys on the first date, that is your prerogative, but get ready to wear the title and embrace the reputation. I've had a few friends like this friend of yours. Now, I've never had the balls to straight out tell them, "Now, listen, slut! Quit giving away the prize before they've even given you the ticket to play the game!" (Haha I know you didn't say that!) But I've had to politely tell them that sleeping with guys right off the bat doesn't necessarily lure them in or make you the top choice for wife material. You were being slightly blunt and her anger is to be expected. I'm sure if you just talked to your girlfriend and told her you didn't mean to upset her friend so much, but just didn't want this friend to continually get hurt, she would forgive and understand! Next time, choose your words a little more carefully.
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 Liking casual sex, and not caring who you sleep with, are different things. In most people's opinions, easy defines the latter of those. That's why she took offence.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): The OP said the woman had asked for his opinion. And he said that "men are just as easy" while describing her as easy.I don't see what he has done worthy of such criticism. She didn't like hearing the truth.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Maybe it would be EASIER for you to keep your thoughts to yourself on certain subjects ;)
To be honest, EASY is a way nicer classification then what some people might have used..
It's her life, her body. I would venture a guess that she believes she is open minded not easy.
No one likes to get judged.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): Just need to clarify something before I'm destroyed by other posters.
"I mean the reality is exactly what you said, girls that sleep with anyone are easy"
What I mean by this is girls and guys that sleep with random guys/girls the first time they meet and regularly without getting to know them well are by definition of the term easy and are judged as such by potential mates.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): Truth hurts. End of story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): Dude if she was fat too would you tell her she was a whale?
If she was ugly would you tell her she was a minger?
Even if they ask you, you never tell a woman negative crap like that, you called her a slut. Even if she is easy and it sounds like she is then you don't just tell her that even if she asks.
You're response should have been, 'maybe you give them what they want too early and there's no longer a reason for them to chase, no mystery, by showing them what they're in for so early you deny them that chase.' I mean the reality is exactly what you said, girls that sleep with anyone are easy
good for a quick lay and nothing else in the view of most guys, but you have to be more diplomatic with your answers to women, they're not guys, they're inherantly insecure about this kind of thing.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Typically when we shave pointy objects out of wood, we'd rather not be stabbed in the face with them. But that's our problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what if you are easy...., just admit it then. Let's define easy......easy is casual sex....casual sex is sex that is not in a relationship..... Nobody is going to judge if you admit it.....it's when yo're in denial that makes people roll their eyes. If you're wondering why a guy doesn't like you or think of you as a long term girlfriend, then you need to look in the mirror. That's all I was telling her. Guys want to sleep with an easy girl, but they don't want to bring one home to mom. that's what I was pointing out. If I didn't she would (and probably still will) keep making the same mistake. Just admit youre easy and say, "yah I was, maybe he's right, maybe I need to change my approach towards men to show them I'm more than just sex"....that's all I'm saying....women....I do not understand them....
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (25 June 2010):
The word 'Easy' is used as an insult and not something most people want to be called, even if it is the truth, fact is people don't want to admit to themselves that that is what they are. Your girlfriend is angry because you upset someone close to her and you weren't sensitive or diplomatic. You were just very blunt. I suggest you apologise to this girl and say that you didn't mean to offend her, you just wanted her to accept who she is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): I think the part you missed is when your girlfriend said that "she only sleeps with guys if she likes them." A lot of women fall into this trap and then end up being angry at the system. They think the way to het a guy is by sleeping with them, so their agenda is really to have a relationship, where the guy's agenda is to just have sex. They confuse sex with love, so when the guy is NOT interested in them, the girl feels betrayed.This is a fundamental difference between men and women and for women that don't understand this, it can be very confusing and leave them angry.Now this girl is labeled easy, but in her mind she is not becuz she doesn't have sex with just any guy...she only has sex with potential boyfriends...I feel sorry for her, she is going to get hurt and used alot :(
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A
female
reader, kitty-cat=] +, writes (25 June 2010):
![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png) in the society we live in today, for some reason its okay for guys to be easy. we actually except it and expect it. but, if a girl is considered easy she is a whore and a slut. therefore she doesn't want to be called easy because the reputation comes with it. men don't get called whores and sluts as often as women, even if they have slept with way more people. thats what we've come to. your girlfriend is just a more sexual person. sex isn't a game, no one should be considered easy. its called making love. you do it with someone you love. if you choose to do it with other people then thats your choice. your not being insensitive, your saying it how it is. she did something your saying what she did, if she doesn't like to hear what she did out loud, then she should take that as a hint that its wrong. hope i helped :)
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Because being easy in a man is generally considered positive, while being easy as a woman is considered a very bad thing. It's just a society double standard, but being called a slut or easy by a man is like a slap in the face. Sure women call each other skanks or sluts, but it's totally different when a man says it. Think about it, if a man sleeps around a lot the most negative he gets called is a player, but it's not always a negative thing to be called. When a woman sleeps around she's a slut or a whore or something and people lose respect for her frequently. Yeah she sounds like she is, but it's kind of like pointing out a big pimple on someone's face. You just don't do it.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Yes you are being insensitive. The way this poor girl sees it is that she likes a man, wants a relationship and may on occasions make the wrong call and sleeps with them too soon. Calling her "easy" is basically calling her a slut - even if she acts like one from time to time no woman on earth ever wants to hear a man calling them "easy". It is offensive - simple as that!Now you are apparently a 30-35 year old man, surely by now you must realise women are quite sensitive creatures and dont often want to hear the truth! Men are much better at handling criticism than women, especially when it comes to comments on their sexual/dating behaviour. So for you to come out and make her feel like a slut, even though you just think it is "calling a spade a spade" - she clearly does not think she is easy, and if she is looking for relationships but then the guys always leave her, she will be feeling pretty low about the whole thing and now you have gone and made her feel a lot worse. There is a thing called tact you know, while sometimes the truth is a good thing - when it is a female friend and when dealing with relationships, I think it is best to avoid picking up on her negative behavoiour when she is not feeling great after being dumped by a guy. I dont think you were intentionally being nasty, but you clearly dont understand women very well and just did not word your comments well in a time when she was feeling low and needed her self-esteem boosting rather than trampling all over. I think you should apologise to her - I know you probably will still insist you did nothing wrong but you have hurt your feelings and upset your girlfriend - so to rectify the situation and prevent future problems just say you were sorry for your comments and that you did not mean it how it came out. I hope this helps and good luck!
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