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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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How should I tell my gay friend that I'm not into him?
Q. Alright well im only borrowing my lil sisters account for this one thing. there is a gay guy at my school. were friends and all but i think he really wants to be more because of the way his eyes get when he looks at me. i dont want to hurt him but i ...
A. 9 August 2010: I really dont understand this - your friend is gay! And to think a guy is into you because of his eyes is a bit strange, you cannot go around thinking every guy that looks at you a bit differently wants a relationship with you surely?
If he's gay... (read in full...)
Are my breasts too big?
Q. hi everyone! I'm a 15 year old girl and I have a small problem with my breasts A LOT of guys my age think they are too big, while other guys that are a bit older think they are fine... why's that? I don't want to go out with an old perv just ca...
A. 5 August 2010: I have been in a very similar situation to you - when I was 12/13 my boobs were 32DD, not as big as yours but still pretty big for a young teenager! I hated all the attention they got as I didnt suit big boobs at that age, it was like they were ... (read in full...)
What should I expect when I lose my virginity to my best friend?
Q. Im only 15. i know im young but me and my best guy friend decided we might have sex. I dont know what to do or what to expect....We are just friends and its going to stay that way we are just going to do it to expiriment kinda. I dont really think ...
A. 4 August 2010: Let me tell you this now - losing your virginity is NOT an experiment, or something that should be taken lightly. You only lose your virginity once, and the only way you will not regret losing it for the rest of your life is if you lose it to a man ... (read in full...)
I'm not a virgin but I want a virgin wife
Q. Okay, so... I have been very active in my life, more so than most people. I put it down to my confidence levels but many put it down to me being an ass. Except for this I'm always good, never harm anything or anyone and any chance I get I help ...
A. 4 August 2010: This doesnt make much sense to me - you mention MENSA and being really smart, yet you cant spell properly and mention yourself in your post that there are writing mistakes?
Its like you are bigging yourself up, making out how wonderful you are ... (read in full...)
Am I too young to be in such a serious relationship?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together since I just turned thirteen. We have a very passionate relationship most of the time. He gets extremely jealous of male friends or other male attention even though he's cheated on me 7 times. Do you think I am ...
A. 4 August 2010: I'm sorry to say this but this is not a relationship. Your boyfriend is using you, controlling you and walking all over you - this is not what happens in real relationships!
Why are you still with him after he has cheated 7 times and is trying t... (read in full...)
Was my ex boyfriend abusive? And is he still trying to control me despite having moved away?
Q. hey, im 16 and i have a question regarding my ex whos 19. we broke up back in november and then he found out he was moving a few states away so we started talking and hanging out and just being with each other until he had to leave in january. well ...
A. 4 August 2010: I'm sorry to say this but at the moment you are his "bitch" and you are allowing him to use you. What on earth made you want to reconcile with this jerk? He is a complete waste of space and you should never speak to this guy again, let alone think ... (read in full...)
Date for the first time - what to do
Q. Hey guys, just a quick question. I'm meeting this guy for the first time tomorrow and I have NO idea what to do. I don't know what to talk about - we've been texting a lot already so I know we do have quite a lot in common already but still - and I ...
A. 3 August 2010: Dont do anything - just be yourself. I know it seems cheesy and contrived but if you try and act a certain way, or plan conversations you will seem fake and he wont like that at all!
You said you already have lots in common so that will come out... (read in full...)
Is there any way of making a name for yourself in the job market without a degree?
Q. This is not a question on relationships but I am still looking for some advice/guidance from the older working generation! I'm currently 2 years into a 4 year course studying Mathematics at Edinburgh University. Before this my CV was building up ...
A. 3 August 2010: Well as I'm sure you are aware, the job market is pretty dire at the moment and it is hard for people with degrees and years of experience to find jobs - so dont be fooled by anyone saying "of course you can get a job if you believe in yourself ... (read in full...)
A girl online isn't returning my messages. Was it something I said?
Q. I've been talking to a girl on an online dating website. We seemed to be getting along okay, but she has stopped responding to my messages. I know that she's been online and it says that she has read my messages, but she isn't replying to me ...
A. 3 August 2010: Just let it go - this is the nature of online dating I'm afraid and it is pretty common. In fact, you have got off pretty lightly! I used an online dating site for a few months last year, the first guy I met that I liked was completely obsessed with ... (read in full...)
My past is haunting me to the point where I can't sleep
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for the past 9 months. I love him to much and he loves me too. Lately I've been having anxiety and I have not been able to sleep because I feel so guilty about my past. I have never had sex before but I have kissed other ...
A. 30 July 2010: If your boyfriend is making you feel this rubbish about absoultely NOTHING then he is not a good guy! Basically you have just kissed a few guys and had a few 'moments" with some of them but never did anything sexual. 99.9% of men on this planet ... (read in full...)
Regretting my decision to have unprotected sex with an older boy....
Q. last night i had sex with an older boy i just met, i feel like i made a big mistake im really scared and we didnt use a condom.I kinda wanted to do it but at the same time i didnt..it just happened so fast i dont really even want anything to do with ...
A. 29 July 2010: I'm sorry you have got into this situation, it must be really horrible for you right now. But you need to listen carefully and make sure you take the following actions:
1. Go to your doctor or sexual health clinic and get the plan B pill (or the ... (read in full...)
I cant wait until I am 25 to have sex! So how do I convince my girlfriend we will be together forever so having sex now is ok?
Q. My name is Alex. I'm in this situation Where I want sex and she wants to wait until Marriage. It's hard for me to wait. I'm thinking I'm probably going to marry this girl one day, I Love her more than imaginable. We've never gotten into a serious f...
A. 29 July 2010: Well ask yourself this - if she is really the perfect girl and you want to be with her forever, is it worth breaking up with her because you want sex so badly?
You pretty much have to choose - is she "the one"? Is she worth waiting for? Or is se... (read in full...)
Can I harm my unborn child if I smoke and drink around my pregnant wife?
Q. [Moderator's Note: Question edited for clarity] i drink wine regularly, my wife is pregnant, is there any effects on my unborn baby because of my drink? is there any risk of smoking and drinking wine on my child which is not come in this world? ...
A. 29 July 2010: If you are drinking alcohol and your wife is already pregnant then no you cant do any harm because you cannot pass on the alcohol to your wife. But if your wife is drinking alcohol then this can massively damage the child and she must stop as soon ... (read in full...)
My colleagues keep sticking their noses in about me not being able to drive! How do I handle this?
Q. Hi, I am getting increasingly irritated by some comments people-mostly colleagues keep making about me not having a drivers licence. Its not like I’m not trying-I’ve taken my test several times and failed on stupid things so I keep trying. ...
A. 29 July 2010: Well I am 23 and I cant drive either, so I know how you feel! It abosultely does not mean you have no freedom, in fact I think it gives you more freedom! I get the train, bus and walk wherever I need to go, and I dont have the financial burden of ... (read in full...)
It's so hard seeing my ex-boyfriend suffer because of our breakup, please help!
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago after a 3 year relationship. I saw him as the love of my life, and I know in my heart that he has never loved anyone as much as he did me. We were gonna get married, there was even a point where I took him ...
A. 29 July 2010: This is a really tough one - if he had just cheated and apologized to you repeatedly then I would probably say take him back. But because he cheated, then had the audacity to hit you when you tried to leave the room - there is no going back from ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to like my cousin?
Q. is it wrong to like my cousin? we are related by mariage...not by blood and i like him a lot. i can tell he has some kind of interest in me and i want us to have a relationship but at the same time i dont want ppl to judge i mean its not like we ...
A. 29 July 2010: Maybe this is just me but how is he your "cousin" if he is not related? Generally a cousin is the child of your aunt/uncle? So if he is not related then I would imagine your aunt/uncle has gotten re-married and the new husband/wife has children from ... (read in full...)
My marriage and my husband are boring me to pieces, what can I do, give up??
Q. My God. The boredom I am feeling these days is unrelenting. Well - I have been married to my husband for 2.5 years and we dated for 10 months before that. We were BEST OF FRIENDS and we got along famously. I've had better bedbuddies - but I ...
A. 26 July 2010: Well first things first - do you work? If money is an issue and you are bored with your life I hope that the answer is yes, otherwise this is a blatantly obvious way of solving the problem. If you have no money + you are bored = get a job which will ... (read in full...)
He wants to wait to have a baby but I have this nagging ticking time bomb inside me...
Q. I'm 25, and before we got married I told my husband I wanted to try for a baby.. Well, I got off the pill but we werent trying but if it happened it happened.. Then we discussed after we got married we would try for a baby.. he promised me, we would ...
A. 22 July 2010: You are still really quite young so there is no real reason to pressure your husband so much into having a child. When you get to 30, yes that is the time to start worrying about the old biological clock. But right now, aged 25 - you still have ... (read in full...)
Do I need my friend's permission to ask him out?
Q. there is this guy i like and we are alot alike. but my frient likes him 2. i wanna ask him out but i have 1 question...should i ask my friend if its ok with her since she liked him first? please help me!?...
A. 22 July 2010: Yes I think you should talk to your friend first - explain that you really like this guy and want to ask him out but you didnt want to do it before you had spoke to her first because your friendship is more important than a guy.
Hopef... (read in full...)
I'm confused because I dnt know if I'm ready to have sex.!
Q. Okay.! Im 15 years old and im a virgen.! Im confused because i dnt know if im ready to have sex.! I have a bf and we were going to have sex. I was going to say yes but we were not in a safe place. I am scared that my parent would find out if i have ...
A. 22 July 2010: I think that you are not ready for sex. And the reason I say this is because you have said yourself "I dont know if I am ready to have sex". The only time you should ever lose your virginity is when you are 100% certain it is the right thing to do ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont come to my sisters wedding or spend any time with my family at all, what should I do?
Q. Hi, I'll try and keep this as brief as possible. My sister is getting married next week and my girlfriend of 2 and a half years (maybe more) won't come to my sisters wedding because 'she wont know anyone'. This upsets me a lot, as I'm giving my si...
A. 21 July 2010: I think you need to have one final chat with her, and you need to make it clear how serious the situation is.
Tell her that your family are very important to you and if she is not willing to try and get on with them for the sake of your relation... (read in full...)
How likely is it I am pregnant, and how soon should I take a test?
Q. I was just wondering if anyone could tell me how likely it is that i might be pregnant, and how soon i should take a test Ok well over last night and yesterday morning me and my boyfriend have had sex many times and he has ejaculated inside me...
A. 20 July 2010: Well you have done all you can to get pregnant so just wait and see if you miss your period. We are not doctors here on Dear Cupid, nor can we look inside your teenage womb and tell you if you are pregnant or not. Wait and see if you miss your ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my period cramps? They are becoming unbearable!
Q. So heres the deal. My past few periods I've been getting very painful INTENSE cramps and I mean INTENSE. I'll have to miss softball/volleyball games, practices just because of my cramps. They've gotten so painful, I've actually cried a couple times ...
A. 20 July 2010: I used to have the same thing - my periods were unbearable, sometimes I would actually throw up and other times I would pass out from the pain. Then I went on the pill, and hey presto I never felt any period pain again! I occasionally get a little ... (read in full...)
A question about birth control...
Q. Hi! This is probably a little long , but I just am a little worried Basically I'm taking the combined birth control pill and have been doing so for roughly two months. This is largely because my periods were VERY irregular (a three or four ...
A. 20 July 2010: Typically as long as you take your pill within 12 hours of your normal time you are still protected, so I am pretty sure you are not pregnant. Plus you said you used a condom - so this reduces the chances even more. So I think you might just be ... (read in full...)
1st time sex and pregnancy
Q. Okay so .. Ugh .. I know this is gonna sound stupid and I hate myself now.. Anyways .. I lost my virginity about umm .. 5 days ago .. To my boyfriend I really love .. He told me he wants to spend his whole life with me and well I feel the same .. ...
A. 19 July 2010: It doesnt matter if it is your first time having sex or the 100th time - you can always get pregnant if you have had unprotected sex. So yes there is a chance you could be pregnant but you wont know until you miss a period. But it can take about 4 ... (read in full...)
Would it be cheating to have sex with my ex?
Q. Hi guys. Im 37weeks pregnant and my bf is not here all the time and ive been insecure.anyway lately ive been on the fone with a guy i dated whom we neva broke up but he is in another province and we saw ea other in 2008 i think.but we dig each ...
A. 19 July 2010: Of course it would be cheating! How would you feel if you found out your boyfriend was having sex with his ex?? I'm sure you would be devastated and you would have no doubts it is cheating!
The issue here is that your boyfriend is away a lot and ... (read in full...)
My older lover is very sick, should I marry him?
Q. I'm a successful, almost 22-year-old woman. The love of my life is 61. Please, no gasping. I met him when I was a child, in passing, when he was only 46, and I a mere seven or so. He quietly watched me grow and change through my childhood. He was ...
A. 15 July 2010: This is a very difficult one and to be honest all I can give is my opinion here - there is no right or wrong in this case so the final decision has to be yours.
But from reading your post - I dont think this is acutally a romantic love you have... (read in full...)
I use the morning after pill instead of contraception after sex, is this going to affect me in the future?
Q. Dear aunts..im in a LRR, but i see my boyfriend 2 or 3 times a month.we dont use a condom.i use morning after pils.my question is: are they not gonna affect me when the time of having babies has arived,like by 'washing away the sperm' ? Do y...
A. 15 July 2010: The morning after pill IS NOT a form of contraception - it is an emergency contraceptive that is somewhere in between the birth control pill and the pills they use for an early abortion. What the morning after pill does is stop any sperm that are ... (read in full...)
Is sex supposed to hurt every time?
Q. im 13 and im not a virgin. ive had sex a couple times. i had anal sex with this guy but it only lasted like 3 min. and it didnt feel good at all. i had sex with this other guy where i was on top but i couldnt get his penis to go in though. is my ...
A. 15 July 2010: Well I guess you clearly never thought of this before you started sleeping around but there is a reason you should not have sex underage - not only are you likely to be taken advantage of by older men but also your body is not ready for sex as you ... (read in full...)
Breach baby and a home birth.....
Q. I am 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and i went to the midwife's today ... my plan is to have a home birth however the midwife said baby is currently in a breach position and looked at me nerviously, which of course made me feel nervous. I am ...
A. 14 July 2010: Have a read of this http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/besttreatments/2010/jul/02/home-birth-triples-risk-of-infant-death
Basically what the conclusion is from this study is that home birth is better for the mother because there is less cha... (read in full...)
I cheated while my fiance was in a coma!
Q. I've been with my fiance for 4 years now. Things got a bit rocky and i cheated on him about 7 months back. It was wrong and I regret it. I decided that I truly loved my fiance and he was the one I wanted to be with and I broke it off with the other ...
A. 14 July 2010: I would go and have a word with this girl if I were you - she should be focusing on the fact her boyfriend is in a coma never mind leaving cryptic messages on Facebook!
Just say something along these lines to her:
"I am not sure what you ha... (read in full...)
He's still not divorced! What should I tell him?
Q. I have read all the simular comments and stories to mine.. It all sounds the same! Where to turn, what to do next, and where does it have to end? I ended a 10 year marriage/divorced but living together relationship with the father of my child last ...
A. 14 July 2010: You just need to be brave and tell him how you feel. Dont try and give him any demands or ultimatums as this will just make him annoyed and then the converstation will not be productive.
Try making notes before you talk to him - I know it sound... (read in full...)
I think I am too young to have a baby but I believe everything happens for a reason, so maybe this baby is meant to be?
Q. Please help, we really need advice... My fiance and I are getting married next year and we live together right now. In May we had unprotected sex and he finished inside me. The next day in the afternoon I took Plan B, so it was in the time ...
A. 13 July 2010: It all depends on what you believe in and whether you and your partner can deal with a baby right now. I always think the main decision when deciding to keep the baby is to think of the baby - can you give it the best life possible right now?
... (read in full...)
We were talking about losing our virginity to each other, but then 2 weeks later he lost his to another girl! Now he wants me more than ever I don't know what to do....
Q. Well, i have been talking to this guy and weve liked each other since childhood.one day we asked each other about our virginity and we both admitted we were. I believe in abstinence,none the less i was willing to loose my virginity to him. But a ...
A. 13 July 2010: Dont do anything! He is clearly just a horny young boy and now wants to have sex with everything in sight, and you deserve better for your first time!
First things first it is illegal for you to be having sex anyway so keep that in mind. You have... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about my STD?
Q. Soo I have this nasty ass ex boyfriend i've dated for 3 years and we had sex maybe a month ago. I heard he was sleeping around and sure enough he gave me clamidia. I took the z pack a week an half ago. Now i have a boyfriend and i don't know ...
A. 13 July 2010: You need to get checked again before you can think about having sex with him just to make sure the medicine has worked. This website might help you
http://yourstdhelp.com/free_clinic_locator.html
Or if that doesnt help, go back to the doctor w... (read in full...)
I'm ready for sex at 13 but I don't have anybody to share my first time with!
Q. I AM READY for sex, but i don't have anybody to share my first time with. What should i do? I truly am ready, but i want the first time to be with a guy but i really am ready... what do i do?...
A. 12 July 2010: Ok well what was your point in asking this question? If you say you already know what you want to do, why are you letting other people take the time to answer your question when really you dont want to listen to what other people say?
Aged ... (read in full...)
I'm ready for sex at 13 but I don't have anybody to share my first time with!
Q. I AM READY for sex, but i don't have anybody to share my first time with. What should i do? I truly am ready, but i want the first time to be with a guy but i really am ready... what do i do?...
A. 12 July 2010: The chances are if you do not have a boyfriend the you are NOT ready for sex. I understand that you THINK you are ready and the idea of it may seem good, but when you actually get into a relationship you will soon see that the idea of sex is very ... (read in full...)
Is this man I really liked a con, sex addict and fraudster?
Q. hi i just got back from turkey i fell in love with a beautiful man working on beach and in bars. he wrote me a note to meet him that night, i was shocked as i had not really spoke to him i went and he told me a story about someone conning him for ...
A. 9 July 2010: You have not done anything wrong really, you have just been swept up in a holiday romance and obviously have not heard the stories about Turkish men!
Now not all Turkish men are this way but a lot of them try and meet English women when they are... (read in full...)
What should I say to his Mom?
Q. Okay so i dont really know how to ask this question so ill just explain! :)My boyfriend is working offshore right now and he likes to give me money from his check every week maybe like 300 just so i can have money, but i dont have his bank ...
A. 9 July 2010: As a few other posts have said - basically his mum thinks you are a goldigger and you are doing nothing to dispel this idea in her head.
1. Why do you take the money off him?
2. Why have you not got your own money?
3. Is there no part of... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend but HATE his lifestyle choices!!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about three years this time. We dated before from our senior year of high school into college for about three to four years then took about two to three years off due to cheating, lying, and needing to grow up. ...
A. 9 July 2010: You have said it yourself - You want to end things. So why are you even hesitating?
Love is not enough in a relationship, there has to be so much more to make a relationship work. And with this guy, he is a drug addict - so all he has room for... (read in full...)
Should I force an issue just to be near him for a week?
Q. Hi, I’m a doctor and I need to locum to make extra money at present. Is it too forceful to arrange a locum shift for an entire week at my boyfriend’s hospital (and by default move in for the week) just to be near to him? I could locum anywhere...
A. 9 July 2010: Well to a lot of people (myself included) dont like the idea of working with your partner. I love my boyfriend very much but if I worked with him all day and then went home to him as well, it would drive me mad! I like to keep my professional life ... (read in full...)
Should I force an issue just to be near him for a week?
Q. Hi, I’m a doctor and I need to locum to make extra money at present. Is it too forceful to arrange a locum shift for an entire week at my boyfriend’s hospital (and by default move in for the week) just to be near to him? I could locum anywhere...
A. 8 July 2010: Quite simple - talk to him! Say you are looking for some locum shifts, and there are some available in his hospital, would it be ok if I came to the hospital for a week? Or would it be too much?
Then he will reply and you will have your answer. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about my STD?
Q. Soo I have this nasty ass ex boyfriend i've dated for 3 years and we had sex maybe a month ago. I heard he was sleeping around and sure enough he gave me clamidia. I took the z pack a week an half ago. Now i have a boyfriend and i don't know ...
A. 1 July 2010: Well if you have not yet slept with your new boyfriend then there is no need to tell him - speak to your doctor and find out how long it takes for the medicine to clear it. Then once you are clear you can have sex with him but you MUST use a condom ... (read in full...)
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