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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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Do any other girls out there withold sex from their partners when they have done something wrong?
Q. Please Help .... I have a problem . When my boyfriend does something wrong , like out late with his mates , or comes home intoxicated , I without Sex for a period of time . I tell him the set penalty time and he signs a form ..eg : 1 week , 1 ...
A. 17 February 2010: It doesnt seem like you want an outcome to be honest - you defend your behaviour in all of your follow-ups "I dont think Im doing such a strange thing", Its just the way I address potential problems ..and it works".....so what do you want us to ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to hate making out?
Q. is it normal to hate making out? i love to make out, being 24 im pretty much at my prime. my fiancee on the other hand is 30. says making out is for teenagers. weve made out once....in the year we were together. all i get is 3 small pecks on the ...
A. 16 February 2010: It is not normal to hate making out, but then again it is unusual to still want to be "making out" so to speak in your mid-late 20's. I find with all relationships, you tend to kiss a lot at the start before you have slept together, then once sex is ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to slip a note to a married lady letting her know I find her sexy?
Q. Is it Ok to slip a note to a married lady letting her know you find her attractive and sexy?...
A. 16 February 2010: To put it simply: No
She is married therefore off limits. If she suddenly decides to divorce her husband and is single then why the hell not, but in this situation it is absolutely not ok. Dont do it!
You can admire from afar, but that is as f... (read in full...)
Where does the loyalty lie?
Q. my friend was not loyal to me i cheated on my girlfriend and he chose to be with her by confessing to her....who is right here..........
A. 16 February 2010: Neither of you are really in the right. If he was your best friend then technically he should have stood by you rather than going after your girlfriend. But then again the moment you cheated on your girlfriend was the moment you lost all ability to ... (read in full...)
1 month late... BABY????
Q. ok so i am a month late. i took 2 at home pregnancy tests already. when i was a day late and 2 weeks late and they both came out negative but now im a month late and nothing. me and my bf dont use pertection. he uses the PULL OUT METHOD? i want to ...
A. 16 February 2010: The pull out method is not a form of contraception - there is just as much chance of getting pregnant this way as there is when he cums inside you! Pre-cum (this leaks out of the penis before a man is ready to ejaculate and the man is not aware of ... (read in full...)
What do lads like a girl's lady bits to look like?
Q. Well im think about sex for first time and i was curious as to how lads like a girls lady bits too like. totally shaved or not?? Because this is the only thing im self conscious about Helpppp !!! i really need your answers :D...
A. 15 February 2010: This is asked so very frequently on this site and surprise surprise...there is no one answer! Some guys like it all shaved off, some like it with a little landing strip, some like it left untouched! Heck, some may even like it with little flashing ... (read in full...)
Why don't girls put effort into relationships?
Q. My girlfriend is just not putting forth effort into our relationship. She wants me doing all this shit and I get nothing back in return. I even tried telling her nice things all the time and loving on her but I got nothing back in return. I want to ...
A. 15 February 2010: No, not all girls are like this and it is quite a ridiculous generalization for you to make out that ALL girls dont put any effort into relationships.
I suggest you type the word "effort" into the search box on the top right hand side of the home... (read in full...)
Do any other girls out there withold sex from their partners when they have done something wrong?
Q. Please Help .... I have a problem . When my boyfriend does something wrong , like out late with his mates , or comes home intoxicated , I without Sex for a period of time . I tell him the set penalty time and he signs a form ..eg : 1 week , 1 ...
A. 13 February 2010: I actually cannot believe this question, and I cannot believe (if this is not a fake question) that your boyfriend is still with you!
You make him sign a form? And inspect his semen? This is just all a bit crazy I'm sorry to say! I hope he withh... (read in full...)
Is there a big chance I could be pregnant?
Q. Hey everyone:) I need help. IM 14 years old and iv been going out with my bf for 3 months.. About a month ago, i gave him a hand job, but he DIDNT cum. Then, i walked home and went to the toilet without washing my hands.. Is there a big chance...
A. 13 February 2010: There is NO chance you are pregnant. Semen (i.e. his cum) has to enter your vagina in order for you to get pregnant. Therefore if there is no semen (i.e. no cum) then you cant be pregnant.
There is pre-cum, which tends to just leak out of the peni... (read in full...)
Are You Settling in Your Relationship?
Q. There is currently an article in the Atlantic entitled, "Marry Him!" where long-time author Lori Gottlieb discusses why women should be willing to settle for a man who's not perfect. My initial thought just hearing this was, "honey, you've fooled ...
A. 13 February 2010: Very good article I must say!
I hate this word "settling" but I do agree with some/most of what Gottlieb talks about, but I think her use of the word "settling" is wrong. It gives the impression that women should just give up on what they wan... (read in full...)
Would it be smart for both of us to get an HIV test done even though we both have no sexual history?
Q. Hello, my boyfriend and I are both virgins. We've been together for about four years now and we feel ready to lose it to one another. Would it be smart for both of us to get an HIV test done even though we both have no sexual history? Or am I just ...
A. 13 February 2010: Like the other answers said - if you can trust your boyfriend is telling the truth and he has never had sex, then getting a HIV test would be pointless.
If you are both virgins so you really dont need to worry about STD's. And as long as neither ... (read in full...)
What should I wear for the second date?
Q. I am going on a second date and trying to decide what to wear..when we first met after e-mailing on a dating site..i wore my black jeans that i like, and this top that shows cleavage with a black sweater and boots this time i was thinking of wear...
A. 13 February 2010: Its very difficult to give you advice when we know nothing about your body shape, hair colour, skin tone etc. And also it would really help to know where you are going on a date!
And maybe some info about your date - what he is like, how he dress... (read in full...)
Am I supposed to believe he loves me after all this?
Q. I believe I know the answers to these questions but am really looking to see what others say. I know my husband tells me I'm wrong, but, I don't think so. Does a man love you when: He cheats on you, gets the woman pregnant, doesn't tell you about i...
A. 13 February 2010: This man does not love you, he does not care about you and he does not respect you or your marriage. He is breaking all the marriage vows he made to you - but I think you already know all of this.
I think you know what you need to do, because ... (read in full...)
Valentine's day plans gone wrong...
Q. hi, I've been planning valentines day for a little while now, but its falling to bits, i did have a restaurant booked for valentines day with a set menu for 48 pounds per person, in the last week the restaurant have asked for an extra 40 ontop t...
A. 13 February 2010: This is just another example of spoilt, selfish girls obsessed with the commercialized circus show that is Valentines Day.
You are running after this girl like she is a child, trying to make sure she is happy despite her acting like a spoilt b... (read in full...)
We have been together for 9 years but he is taking another woman out for Valentines Day!
Q. Hi AUnts and Uncles. I'm really distraught because my boyfriend told me a few days ago, after an argument, that he is going out with another woman (from work) tomorrow for Valentine Night and that he is going to 'stay over' at her place. We ...
A. 13 February 2010: This is just awful - I have absolutely no idea why you put up with this! This man does not love you, does not respect you, does not care about you yet you are still with him?
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but do you enjoy being treated this way... (read in full...)
My best friend is getting married to my ex-girlfriend! How do I get over this?
Q. My best friend and girlfriend left me? I cheated on her several times. And thought she would never find out but after a while my bf and her started talking and they got very close he realized what a asshole I have been to her he fell in love wit...
A. 12 February 2010: I think you need to seek help from a therapist - wanting to kill someone is not normal and you may have some mental issues here that really need to be dealt with by a medical professional. Please go to see your doctor before you hurt anyone and make ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend, yet I miss the way this "fling" guy used to hold me and kiss me!
Q. Alright, I am a college gal (junior). I started dating this guy in high school, then we went to two separate colleges in different states. We continued a serious long distance relationship, visiting each other every few weekends and such... seemed ...
A. 11 February 2010: Well ask yourself this; could you happily stand there and take your marriage vows looking into the eyes of your boyfriend knowing you cheated on him and developed very strong feelings for another man?
I hope the answer would be no - I know tha... (read in full...)
My best friend is getting married to my ex-girlfriend! How do I get over this?
Q. My best friend and girlfriend left me? I cheated on her several times. And thought she would never find out but after a while my bf and her started talking and they got very close he realized what a asshole I have been to her he fell in love wit...
A. 11 February 2010: If there is such thing as Karma then yes, it has come back to bite you on the ass!
You were a terrible boyfriend to this girl and you cannot expect to get away with such bad behaviour. Cheating is never going to be acceptable, and the person y... (read in full...)
Waiting to be struck by Cupid for Valentines Day!
Q. How long after you date a guy for him to know that he is ready to be in a committed relationship or dating u exclusively? What does it mean if he say, "You may not know it. But, you may already like me. We seem to click and should be in a ...
A. 11 February 2010: Read this sentence:
"I don't want to be committed. I don't want to hurt you if I am going to start dating someone else."
He is being very clear and honest by saying he does not want a committed relationship and will be dating other women as w... (read in full...)
Wild look!!!
Q. I recently spent a weekend at the beach with my BF. I didn't wear any makeup and didn't do my hair either. When we returned home I got back into my 'beauty' routine and he then told me he likes me the best with no make up and wild hair. I ...
A. 11 February 2010: Most men feel this way - men prefer a woman to be naturally beautiful and hate that make-up and hair products mask the real you. As my boyfriend always says - he doesnt want to see make-up, he wants to see me. He will of course always compliment me ... (read in full...)
Me and my fiancee are trying again but can't get it right
Q. How is it going doc? Me and my fiancee have been trying to get pregnant since we lost our first child in June last year her period just came on today the 10th and her cycle for the last three months have been consistent at 27 days now this one came ...
A. 10 February 2010: Well seen as this is a relationship site not a medical help site then all we can suggest is that you and your fiancee go see a real doctor!
We are not doctors here on Dear Cupid and although we try and help with medical questions, the only thi... (read in full...)
I hate his 4'9, fat, annoying girlfriend and want him to break up with her for me.
Q. dear cupid, im really in love with this older guy! his name is jake, only he is 19. and im 14. but he's so hot and he is always flirting with me! he is my neighbor, and whenever my parents go out they ask him to watch me, and whenever he does, he...
A. 10 February 2010: Well first of all you need to realise that he would get into a lot of trouble dating you - I dont know what the legal age of consent is in your state but I am pretty sure it is not 14! Even if you were just "dating", your parents will still not like ... (read in full...)
Is he a pedophile for dating a 13 year old when he was 17?
Q. I am in a relationship with an amazing, mature and positive guy, who is also my age (27 -28 years old). We are inseparable and I feel happy when we are together. When we are apart (we live in different countries) for longer than 3 weeks, say, I ...
A. 9 February 2010: Ok to set things straight here: the legal definition is as follows:
pedophilia n. an obsession with children as sex objects.
Now what he did was against the law, and what he did makes him a sex offender. It does not though imply that his sexual p... (read in full...)
Help choosing between 2 apartments (moving in with bf for first time)
Q. This isn't hugely relevant to this site although it is related to a relationship, however didn't know where else to ask...need advice quick! :) My boyfriend and I are moving in together soon and we are stuck between two apartments. One...
A. 8 February 2010: Think about it this way - you can always use decorations and furniture to make a place feel and look a bit better, but you cannot change the dimensions and space of a building!
Go for the one with more space - living together for the first ti... (read in full...)
Can you get pregnant when you have a period?
Q. hii, i know most people call it dirty, but can you get pregnant if your on your period?,...
A. 8 February 2010: A woman can technically get pregnant at any time during her cycle, and that includes during her period. While it is less likely then when she is roughly half way through her cycle, there is still a chance she could get pregnant.
So the simple s... (read in full...)
Can I take the morning pill again after a few weeks and could I be pregnant?
Q. I've just started to get intimate with my boyfriend, we haven't had sex yet but we have done oral and foreplay. 2 days ago, after I performed foreplay on him, he came, quite alot. I got it on my hand and he got it on his. I was fully clothed ...
A. 8 February 2010: If you were fully clothed the first time then no, there is no way that any sperm could get to your vagina. Sperm have a hard enough time reaching the egg when you are having sex, never mind having to somehow swim their way through fabric too!
... (read in full...)
I eat less and excercise but I keep putting on weight!
Q. I Do not know what is going on with my body! I eat less do more exercise , walk atleast 1 hour now per day (try to). How ever i keep on getting fatter. My stumic is like huge i never had one now its big and wabbley . The last few months i realised ...
A. 5 February 2010: Are you pregnant? Putting on weight, throwing up, lethargy...all symptoms of pregnancy. Especially if it is your tummy where a lot of the weight is sitting.
Other than pregnancy there could be a lot of other medical causes for this weight gain but... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 5 February 2010: Thanks for adding that in Yos, great answer as always! I was going to try and defend myself after Calico's input but I am in no way as patient as you are and I find arguing against someone who is clearly set on their views with complete disregard ... (read in full...)
My parents wont listen, I am 14 he is 24
Q. im 14 and going out with a 24 year old. We both love each other very much but my parents hate him.I can understand why but they cant accept that im actually happy. He still wants to be with me even though my parents have givin him loads of grief in ...
A. 5 February 2010: Well you are going to have to be very careful, if he has sex with you then this is illegal and if your parents are unhappy with your relationship then they could easily report him to the police, where the chances are he could go to prison.
I sor... (read in full...)
He lied to get me into bed, & now I am constantly reminded of this
Q. i am struglling very hard to get over a bad relationship. I slept with a guy who has a gf becuase he fed me promises of us being together but he never left her but still he was contacting me.I have tried really hard to distance myself from him but ...
A. 5 February 2010: The issue here is not him - I really dont want to sound harsh or nasty but I think you need to try and look at this situation differently. The problem is you, you have brought this on yourself.
You knew he had a girlfriend, so you were happy to... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 5 February 2010: Just like to reiterate what I said at the top of my original post
"After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the ... (read in full...)
I don't have a mother or aunt to ask
Q. Hi there well see my dad raised me up and talked to me about my peroids and how it works. i think it tooked alout of guts for my dad to talk women stuff with me. So my friend from shool told me the best is that you dont bath or wash it down there on ...
A. 4 February 2010: Just to add something here - dont use soap or perfumed shower gel to wash yourself down there! It will cause a PH imbalance and that can cause things like Thrush.
It is best to wash yourself down there with either just water or a speciall... (read in full...)
Boy, revenge is sweet...
Q. Hi, my wife recently cheated on me with a guy who lives in a small town about 10 miles away from me, anyway to cut a long story short I found everything out, confronted my wife and then I confronted the guy in question and gave him the mandotary ...
A. 4 February 2010: No No No! Dont do it! The anonymous female has it spot on - I really hope you listen to her advice so you dont end up in the same situation.
You have already hit him (that could be an assault charge waiting to happen) so dont take it any further ... (read in full...)
I want to lose weight but am so lazy! How can I be super motivated?
Q. I'm 31 yr old and have always been overweight by 10- 15 lbs since high school. 8 yrs in marriage, 1 child and have gone up to 170 lbs at 5'3" height. Have PCOS, irregular periods and sleep apnea. I really want to lose weight. I have so many ...
A. 4 February 2010: I myself lack motivation when it comes to losing weight - some people are naturally like this so try to stop beating yourself up about it. I personally would much rather stay at home and cook a nice meal, then relax on the sofa with a glass of wine ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 3 February 2010: Accountable - I couldnt agree with you more.
As for evolutionary psychology - I think as with most psychological theories there are elements of it that work, and other elements that do not. I think it explains quite a lot and is relevant when loo... (read in full...)
I waited 3 months for a dinner reservation in a top restaurant and my bf has just cancelled out. Is it ok to take another man to not miss out on the dining experience?
Q. A while back I booked a table at the supposedly best restaurant in the UK and it took me 3 months and a cancellation to get in. My b/f has known about it for weeks and how excited I am about it. Today he texts me to say that the mother of his child ...
A. 3 February 2010: I agree with all the other answers - taking a man who keeps asking you out (who is therefore interested in you) would be
a) leading the other man on
b) unfair to your boyfriend as you would be acting out of spite
c) asking for trouble with... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 3 February 2010: Well Calico58 - It seems that you have not done much reading on evolution or just simply choose to ignore the scientific evidence that has mounted over the last couple of hundred years proving evolution happened! Here are a few links that if you ... (read in full...)
I find young girls attractive, but I want to maybe seek help.
Q. I don't know where to start.. I'll explain it to the best I can. Please be kind and understanding with your replies. It IS normal for a guy to find girls attractive from when they can start to create a child. (Puberty). It is just society...
A. 2 February 2010: Well going to the Doctor would be the easiest thing to do - that way the chances are you would get refferred to a free service in your area. Many places in the UK offer free therapy services for teenagers and young adults. I dont really know how you ... (read in full...)
I met a man online, it seemed okay at first, now I am not so sure
Q. Help please, I met a man on a dating site. i contacted him first then he sent me hello message for free. Then he dissapeared for 1 month then suddenly he added me as a favourite and paid money to become a member to send me a message he told ...
A. 2 February 2010: This guy just isnt really interested in you I'm afraid. If he cared about you and wanted to get to know you better he would not switch off his phone when you called, or ignore your emails.
Men like this are a complete waste of time - he is only ... (read in full...)
How much money will we need?
Q. How much money should me and my boyfriend save up before moving into a place of our own? I currently live with my mum, and he lives with his mum and step dad, but i'll be moving in there in the summer and we'd like to get our own place as soon as ...
A. 2 February 2010: Glad I could help! Try and focus on getting your jobs sorted out first - if both of you have a career in mind that you know will bring in good money in the future then pursue that. You are still young after all so dont expect to be earning a fortune ... (read in full...)
I find young girls attractive, but I want to maybe seek help.
Q. I don't know where to start.. I'll explain it to the best I can. Please be kind and understanding with your replies. It IS normal for a guy to find girls attractive from when they can start to create a child. (Puberty). It is just society...
A. 2 February 2010: I think a therapist is the best option for you - it could create problems for you in the future so best to deal with it now and find out if there are any underlying causes.
I think you may be a little confused in what you are saying on here - y... (read in full...)
How much money will we need?
Q. How much money should me and my boyfriend save up before moving into a place of our own? I currently live with my mum, and he lives with his mum and step dad, but i'll be moving in there in the summer and we'd like to get our own place as soon as ...
A. 2 February 2010: Like Griffo said, it depends if you want to buy a house or rent. And it also depends on the area of the UK you live in. For example rents/house prices are much more expensive in London and large cities like Birmingham, Leeds and Manchester. Yet you ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 2 February 2010: Calico58 - I would be fascinated to hear this evidence against the evolutionary theory and that we did not evolve from animals, in all my reading I dont think I have come across any other theories that argue against evolution, with the exception of ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 4 September 2009: I totally agree, acting proud of your sexual exploitations in the past is a recipe for disaster, it just shouts "I slept around and loved it!". I think my approach for the future will be to not bring the subject up (I never like to talk about my ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 4 September 2009: Well thanks for the replies everyone! It is great to hear all of your opinions on the matter!
Now more specifically to Code Warrior, I would like to respond to your post. You make some very valid points and it is good to see the more "emotion... (read in full...)
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