A
female
age
30-35,
*at1235
writes:Hi guys, Im wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar. I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year now, and everything is perfect with us. I know we're meant to be together. And although it wasn't planned, I found out I pregnant. I'm now 10 weeks gone and at first I was so excited, I've always wanted to be a mum and I know my boyfriend will make a great dad. But recently I've not been feeling attached to this baby, I don't feel like I love it. I feel like a horrible person, and feel so guilty when anyone talks to me about the baby. I've also suffered from depression in the past and I don't know if it has something to do with that? Is this normal? Or is it a sign I'm not ready? Please help, this is driving me mad. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): To the annonymous women who talked about wanting an abortion in the beginning. I wish I had read something like that when I was pregnant. I felt exactly the same and my mum also talked me round with the same solution. Unfortunately my baby dies at 12 weeks and I never got the chance to bond and feel better. when they were looking on the scan and I could see it wasn't moving I still didn't know if I was hoping they would tell me it was gone. it sounds awful but I was so terrifyed of not reacting how all other mothers seem to react when they see their baby for the first time. I was scared it would cause another breakdown if I felt nothing. Anyway, I did cry and I was upset that it had gone but it didn't make me more keen on being a mother (Id read that miscarriages often make people desperate for a baby).Now- not having felt the bonding and the love you will feel when the baby is here- I am 100 times more scared to get pregnant again, incase I feel the same again. I also thought it was because I was scared of being trapped with my partner forever...even though we have been together for 5 years.So I am glad I read your post.
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Ten weeks is a very short time to be pregnant. You still have about 30 weeks to go. Most people don't find out until 10 or so weeks into the pregnancey. You have no reason to feel a bond with it yet. You can't feel that it's there in any way, or see it. All it is in an ultra sound is a speck of a heartbeat. I wasn't fully bonded to my daughter until she popped out. I wanted to feel attached to her but I did'nt know how. And now she is the lite of every day for me. If I can't see her one morning, I am in a bad mood until I do.
It'll be ok :)
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (25 June 2010):
 You haven't had the chance to interact and bond with the baby. Remember that the baby is part of you and your boyfriend. You'll probably feel totally different once it's born =]
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female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Hi and Congratulations! As its your first baby you wont know what to expect. But how you feel is normal. Its early stages and your body is going through massive changes. You arent at the mumsy stage just yet but it will come. As your bump grows and you start to feel the baby move, it will feel more "real" and you will develop feelings. Chat to other mums, they will help you understand. I was unusual in that i didnt really feel that maternal at all until after my first child was born. I just muddled through, waiting for those awesome feelings id heard so much about to arrive. And they did...a few days after my first was born! So give it time. And as others have suggested, talk to your doctor if you are worried. And if for some reason you dont have any feelings for the baby after it arrives, do tell your doctor or health visitor. Having said that, im absolutely sure you will be fine. So chillax. Dont worry. And dont feel bad because everythings going to be just fine. You are worrying that you dont have feelings for your baby. Its a sign you are already starting to care.. Get it? You are slowly growing those maternal feelings! x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): i'm eight months pregnant now and love my little guy ... but when i was under 3 months i was an emotional wreck and i didn't want him, all i wanted was rid of him and i had serious thought of an abortion. I felt motherhood was something to run screaming in the opposite direction about lol I didn't want him, i wasn't ready and i certainly was not attached. Had i been on my own i may well have got rid of him. But my mum talked me into not making any rash decisions and that it was okay to fret/worry/not want this. We made a deal ... if i went through with the pregnancy then if i didn't want to, i didn't have to keep the baby and i could sign over all my rights to my mum. Now you may well think that it was granny influencing me to get her hands on grandchild but actually ... she was trying to give me time and an escape route that i could live with if i wanted it. She had an abortion around my age and really regreted it ... she didn't want me to go through the same thing so she supported me where she was never supported. Though i'm still terrified - i find myself bonding and wanting my child, but its not overwhelming or instinctual feeling in my case ... i didn't want him but i'm learning day by day to love him. I say don't worry about what you do and do not feel now, one is prepared for how they feel or don't feel during this time ... there is no definative way us lasses should react. Its still early and you may well be all over the place too like i was, i'd say give it time and maybe find someone to lean on like i did because it really helped. Oh, i didn't stop crying until i was about 5 months lol
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Well at the moment it is not really a "baby" in the typical sense of the word - it is just a bundle of cells that are forming a human life. It is hard to be "attached" to something that does not exist, after all it is only alive once you have given birth to it because it cannot survive outside of the womb yet. So you are totally normal to feel this way - at the moment there is nothing to love because it is not here in the world yet!
But I am sure when it is born, and you hold him/her in your arms for the first time, you will feel a connection to the child and this will be such a strong feeling like nothing you have ever felt before. So I really think you should not worry about your feelings about the baby until it is born - if you still feel no connection to the child and dont love it after about 4 weeks following the birth, then yes maybe you could have post-natal depression.
You mention you have experienced depression in the past, so again there is a chance that you are "depressed" during this pregnancy. However the main question is - are you feeling any of the same symptoms of depression that you have experienced in the past? Or are you generally feeling fine but it is just a lack of connection to the baby? If it is the latter than I really think you have nothing to worry about. But if you are feeling depressed on a day to day basis and it feels the same to how you used to feel, then you should visit your doctor.
But try not to worry about the baby yet, you are only 10 weeks pregnant and it is very early days. I'm sure when you feel it kick for the first time, when you have the big baby bump, when you start getting the house ready for the baby, then you will feel more excited about it all. So just be patient and relax, your feelings towards the baby will grow in time.
But if you are feeling general symptoms of depression as well - then it would be best to see your doctor.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Hi Hunny
First your hormones are all over the place at this moment, Plus if you have had depression in the past it may have something to do with the way you are feeling..
The best advise I can give to you is to go and speak to your doctor..
You say you feel guilty when someone talks to you about your baby, So you have some feeling I no a few mums who went through the same thing and as soon as the baby was born it was completely different. Sweetheart talk to someone dont keep these feeling blocked up..
I'll send you a link maybe it can help...
http://www.womenshealth.gov/Pregnancy/pregnancy/depressed.cfm
I hope this helps a little hunny, Take care of you love mandy xxxxxxxxx
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male
reader, hunkybruster99 +, writes (25 June 2010):
first let me say congratulations honey. i'm glad for you and your boyfriend. know that what you are going through is a normal process of adaptation. you can look any maternal and child health book and it will tell you you are not going mad. it is just that you need time to process what's going on in your body and ultimately you will feel for your baby. all the best.
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