A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a low self esteem but i don't think that my boyfriend makes it any better. My boyfriend is a beautiful boy. He's the kind of guy any girl would love to be with (on the outside of course) he's tall blonde with beautiful glossy blue eyes with a great body. He's almost perfect on the outside. just not so great on the inside. I've seen his ex girlfriends and god they are pretty which makes me feel even worse about myself. I guess you can say that I've always had a low self esteem but i've realized that ever since i started dating him that my self esteem has gone even more down. He's white and of course i'm the total opposite i'm hispanic and native american. he's called me horrible names before such as "spic" or "dirty mexican". I remember one time he asked why i was able to get away with all of the things that i do and i said that it was because i was a princess and he said that it wasn't possible for me to be a princess because i'm not white. I mean what kind of person says that? Especially to your girlfriend? The other day his mom was talking about how their entire family has blue eyes and blonde hair and that it has been going on for 7 generations that they have all had blue eyes and blonde hair and we got into the conversation about what it might be like if we had kids and i asked him if it would bother him that since i don't have blonde hair and blue eyes that our kids would come out with brown hair and brown eyes and he said yeah that it would because he would want his kids to have blue eyes because he does. he has also said that the perfect girlfriend would be someone with blonde hair and blue eyes. It really hurt my feelings because i know that i will never be that girl becuase that's just not who i am, as much as i'd like to be that girl it's never going to happen because i'm not white and i have a different skin color than he does. And sometimes i start to think about it and i really do hate my skin color, i know that sounds really bad but i do and i know that i can't help that. I can't help what kind of race i am, i can't help being darker than he is. Beleive me if i could i would change all that just to be the perfect girlfriend for him. Someone plese give me some input. Thanks!
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female
reader, Griffonne  +, writes (23 July 2010):
My poor girl, what are you doing with this guy? Have some self esteem and find someone who'll treat you like you deserve! You'll never get respect in this relationship. You'll be his carpet until he find a new one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ladies. the advice is very much appreciated. And I have taken it into considerationg to either talk to him about it or just flat out leave him. Thank you!
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A
female
reader, oneshotofblonde +, writes (30 June 2010):
no offense, what i don't get is - why is he dating you if he is borderline racist? what is it he loves so much about you?
if he does love you, he should spare a thought for your feelings, no-matter how lightly he takes comments like these.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 This is nothing to do with your self-esteem - your boyfriend is racist and is racially abusing you! I cannot understand why you are putting up with him, you deserve so much better!
Basically it sounds like he is only with you until his "perfect" blonde hair blue eyes girl comes along, so he is just using you I'm afraid. If he loved or cared about you then he would never dream of saying any of those things to you, therefore do you really want to stay with a racist man who does not love or care about you?
This pathetic excuse for a man is even making you hate the colour of your own skin, which in turn is basically making you hate your heritage. But you should be proud of your heritage, and proud of your skin colour. Like you said - you were born with it and it cannot be changed, therefore you have to learn to love what you have been born with and make the most of it. But if you surround yourself with racists then you are only going to feel worse about yourself, and for no good reason.
I think you need to leave your boyfriend, NOW. He is no good, he is a poor excuse for a human being, the lowest of the low. Racism is petty and fueled from ignorance and stupidity, you should not tolerate his abuse and get this man out of your life, and fast!
There will be plenty of guys who will think you are amazingly pretty, I bet you have beautiful skin and your dark features will be very attractive. I have a bit of Spanish blood in me (despite being English, some of my ancestors were Spanish) so I have dark hair and darker skin than most English people. I love being dark (rather than blonde and pale!) and many men comment on how they love brunettes and think the latin element to my features is very sexy. Look at Salma Hayek, Jennifer Lopez, Eva Mendez, Penelope Cruz - all from latin origins and hugely sexy, attractive women!
Yes there are some men in this world who prefer blondes with blue eyes, but for every guy who prefers blondes, there is another guy who loves brunettes. You have just met a racist pig unfortunately and he has damaged your self esteem, but if you do the right thing and leave him then one day a lovely man will come along who thinks you are perfect, and that you are a princess. When you are with the right guy he will make you feel gorgeous, sexy and wanted. Not hating the colour of your skin and wanting to be white. That is just wrong.
Your boyfriend doesnt deserve you, he is a complete jerk and I hope you do get rid of him, he is not a good influence in your life.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Honey, you are dating a racist.
The worst kind of racist- the one who spits in the plate where he's eating.
A bona fide Ku Klux Klan member, at least, would never give you a second look.
Instead your blonde Arian God is ok with having sex ( or at least some degree of physical intimacy, I guess ) with you. Your vagina, your breasts, your mouth are not too dark for him- it's your very essence as a human being that it is too dark.
If this is not enough to turn you off him forever naturally and spontaneously - then force yourself to THINK. Think : he is a pig- but I am not a sow, I am a woman, so what am I doing with him ?
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