A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What should I do. I have found out on a recent night out my long term girl friend allowed one of her friends boy friends to take pictures of her breasts?I only found this out when I read some messages he has been sending her on facebook about how he still has them on his phone and likes them. Is this a serious issue?
View related questions:
breasts, facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Ah, I apologize Lola, I thought he meant the messages was posted on her Wall. ( for all to see, hence.. not really snooping)
She is obvious a little insecure and want reassurance from another guy.. The thing is.. where does it end? with 5 guys liking her chest... 10?
And like one of the aunts/uncles wrote... HOW would she feel if you sent pics of your "dingle & berries" to other women? Would she find that funny too?
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Going through someone else's Facebook messages IS snooping and someone with "high morals" can recognize that. This does not equal his girlfriend's wrong by any means, but it is certainly snooping.
This needs to be stated because if we are using the "morally wrong" card with this girl, we will be smacked in the face with this obvious truth. One does not bring up morals unless they are clear of all guilt. I strongly advise the OP not to use that language. It is enough to say you disapprove, are angry, hurt and to say it is inappropriate.
In finding out how the girlfriend reacted to the OP knowing about the pictures (was she shocked and ashamed? did she regret it? did she think it was ok?), we are all better equipped to answer one of his questions, which was "What should I do?"
Thank you, OP, for answering.
It isn't fun unless everyone is in on the "joke", and while it doesn't mean she is cheating on you, she is certainly FLIRTING and possibly close to doing so. If it was a mistake that she allowed when her guard was down, but was ashamed, we could find a way to forgive her if she intended to make it right. If she ignores the boy’s Facebook messages, there is hope there as well.
If she encourages this line of communication, she is sending him the signal that she is open to this sexually charged contact. Innocent fun would mean it was safe to disclose it to you and the other girlfriend whose boyfriend has pictures of another woman on his phone and include you all in the fun. This was done in secret. She is enjoying this type of attention from this boy and possibly encouraging more.
You have dated this girl for a while. It is possible, being so young, she is starting to want to spread her wings and try out new boys from the safety of a relationship. Even if this was a “one off”, you would not be able to trust her behaviour at parties while away from you.
I think you’ve already decided what to do. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Not telling you what to do, but sometimes it helps to get clarity when we can't see the wood for the trees. You have to make your own mind up. Glad if it did give you clarity. I think you deserve better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (24 June 2010):
Well how would she feel if she found pictures of you're genitals on another girls phone? Its not very respectful either to herself or to you. If it was me, personally, I'd not be able to trust her at all. She seems as though she's not ready in any way to commit. If you just want someone casual, then go ahead, but if its more serious, then no way Jose !! Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 June 2010):
I would be asking what else has she been allowing. To me, this is a dumpable offence. When you commit, you commit to one person. What you don't do is flash to your friend's boyfriend. If this is an long term relationship and she's doing that, what else is she doing during your time together? I think she's just proved herself very unworthy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe knows I know. She also knows I was snopping. The messages are just friendly tbh, but you can see she is fishing for complements all the time saying "im fat" blah blah. Im wrong for snopping I know. but this is wrong. Im glad im not going crazy. Apparently this is normal for people to do this.....
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2010):
To Lola, I don't think it matters if she knows who knows about the pictures, the FACT that she let a guy take pictures of her chest is the bigger issue.
And looking at her Facebook is not what I would call snooping. Now if he went through her e-mail or phone.. then I would call it snooping. Maybe that is just me.
TO OP, I see nothing wrong in having morals. AT ALL.
Also if it smells fishy, it most likely is.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (24 June 2010):
I didn't ask if she knows he has them. I asked if she knows that YOU KNOW he has them?
What she did (is doing) is wrong, but you snooped and "checked up on her". That is also wrong. Not equally wrong by any stetch of the imagination, but wrong.
So... before I can help more, does she know that YOU KNOW about the pictures? Has there been any discussion between you two on the matter? And while we are discussing it, what are her responses to this boy's facebook notes?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea she says it was a "bit of" fun. She doesnt think its morally wrong - i do. And you hit the nail with the hammer there. its inappropriate in a relationship. Thanks so much guys. x
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2010):
Total no-no. WTF was she thinking?
Sorry I would not be OK with this... what's next? Her "bush" - "trimmed hedges"?
I would explain to her HOW it makes you feel, if she doesn't get it and call the guy and ask him to delete the pictures, I'd be out the door.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 June 2010):
 I would be more worried if I were this guy's girlfriend! I mean her boyfriend has pics of another girls breasts on his phone - that is just weird!
I dont think you have too much to worry about here, it sounds like it was the result of a bit too much to drink on a night out and your girlfriend probably thought it was just a bit of a laugh.
But the fact he is keeping them on his phone and messaging her through Facebook about it - this is getting a bit odd. I think you should just talk to your girlfriend - tell her you dont have a problem with what she did because it was just a bit of fun but you are worried by the way he is behaving now, and it is not appropriate for him to keep these pics on his phone. I'm sure she would not be happy if you were keeping pics of another girls boobs on your phone, so try and make her see that while it seemed like fun at the time he is taking it a bit too far now. Ask her to speak to this guy and ask him to remove the pics and stop talking to her about the subject because it is inappropriate when they are both in a relationship.
Hopefully when you explain to her that while you are not annoyed by what happened, but more concerned by this guy's continuing behaviour, she will see your side of things and sort the situation out.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I havent rung him up and asked her to delte them. Yes she knows he has them, she let him take the pictures. I was in her facebook checking up on here to be honest as i suspected something was wrong....am i wrong and have high morals??
...............................
A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (24 June 2010):
That is inapporpriate. Before I can help I have some questions...
Have you called him up and asked him to delete them? Does his girlfriend know he has them?
Does your girlfriend know you know and does she know how you feel?
Why were you in her facebook, reading messages?
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 June 2010):
Yes, this is a serious issue!
Seriously, why in the world would she allow someone to do that unless she was shagging him? Sorry to break it to you, but to me this sounds like she's cheating on you and she's being sloppy about it.
Confront her about it and if she doesn't come up with a satisfying answer (the "I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing" excuse often used isn't a satisfying answer to me, if she comes up with that) I'd probably pack up all her stuff, put it in suitcases and show her the door. If I wasn't feeling so kind, I'd throw it out of the window.
Don't let yourself be stepped on!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): Question you have to ask yoursef - if shes allowing this - what else is she allowing?
...............................
|
