A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:basically i'm at uni and i've moved back into my flat.last year it had all girls but this year there is one boy moving in. so there are 4 girls to 1 boy.anyway my boyfriend hates the idea of me sharing a flat with any boys, so when i heard it was just the one i was quite relieved. having said that, now my boyfriend is having to 'deal with it', he says i wouldn't like it if he moved in with girls. the only thing is, i wouldn't mind. i'd make sure they knew who i was, maybe become friends with them. it just seems like my boyfriend has a major trust issue with me.anyway, i broke the news to him today that i had a lad in my flat. we were meant to be going out tonight, so he's told me he's going out with his friends instead. he's then called me selfish because he sacrifices everything and he'd spent the whole day with me before (yes i did, but i spent the whole day helping him buy a tv, deliver his tv, take his tv back cus it'd broke, bring the other tv back, and put up his tv stand - which was majorly stressful and wasn't very nice for me) so when he called me selfish i felt like i was completely unappreciated. i said that to him and he started the point scoring game.i don't really know what to do.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Glad to help out! Best of luck to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for breaking that down for me. really, i actually understand that now.
i will give it a few weeks, & then at least i'll be able to say i gave it a go.
but i think your right, he'll drive me away. everytime he pushes me away, it is harder for me to believe what he says. so i am sure something will come of it all soon.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 September 2010):
I question if it's worth the effort. Here's my simplistic summation of your situation.
You are coming at your relationship from an adult perspective. He is coming at your relationship from a childish/teenage perspective.
You're mature for your age, and he's immature for his age. Unless he can grow up quickly, he'll drive you away with this behavior.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhen it feels like my own boyfriend doesn't trust me, it makes me feel like i'm someone i'm not. he makes me feel like i've cheated or something, i haven't & i never will!
i've given him 'space' but the more space i give him, the more i give myself & i'm starting to feel like he's just pushing me away. i wish he would stop being so childish, he either deals with it or not, but everything i say to him is wrong. it's his way or no way. it's as simple as that.
if he wants to go out & drink, then he can go. i just feel like whenever we have a problem it's him vs. me, when it should be us together. i just feel really lonely.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 September 2010):
You need to stress that if he trusts you, this shouldn't be an issue at all. If he doesn't trust you, then why is he with you to begin with?
You're exactly right about this guy. He may have a GF, he may be gay, and even if he's single, it's not like you're jumping at other single guys that are around.
Hell, my first apartment was 3 guys and 1 girl. She had a BF and none of us tried anything with her. She was damn cute too. To my knowledge, her BF was mature enough to trust her, and he had every right to. I never saw her do anything that would lead me to believe she was anything other then 100% trustworthy.
Your guy needs a reality check. If drinking is his way of "dealing with it" he also needs to grow up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you SO much for that advice.
basically he's gone out tonight & said he wants his own space. he's said i don't even like him talking to girls, i nearly replied to him but tbh i don't need to justify myself. he can talk to whoever he wants because i do actually trust him.
i'm not saying this for the sake of it, but i'm the most trustworthy person he could find. i would never do anything like that. i'd bend of backwards for him. he has no reason to doubt me. i am just not the type.
he's also decided that his way of 'dealing with it' is going out drinking. considering, his mother was an alcoholic, i'm veryy worried about this.
for all i know this guy who moves in could be gay! or have a long term girlfriend, i really don't even know. but just cus i'm 'living' with him, more 'along side' him doesn't mean i'm gonna cheat!
what am i going to do. dear oh dear
xxx
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 September 2010):
You hit the nail on the head. He has trust issues. He has no right to freak out about this. I actually feel pretty bad for that one guy who will be your roommate. He's in for both a treat and a situation he's likely unready for unless he grew up with a bunch of sisters. LMAO!
Your boyfriend sounds like the jealous type. He thinks that just because you live together you're going to jump this guys bones. That's usually far from the case. Usually roommates end up tolerating eachother but not even liking eachother that much. Living with people lets you see a side of them they usually "hide."
Anyway, if you were the only girl, he'd have more right to be upset. Given the situation he needs to grow up. If he doesn't, then I wouldn't give him any more of your effort. You're becoming an adult, and it's time to get over petty childish jealousy.
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