A
female
age
30-35,
*lwaysandnever
writes:I'm sixteen and have just started college. Three weeks ago my boyfriend of two and a half years finished with me. He said he didn't love me any more and started fancying other girls. Up until that point he'd acted normally to me, sex, I love you's, everything. I was, and am so hurt. I am surrounded by fantastic friends and family, who have all given me briliant sdvice, which I believe, (I may be young but I'm not stupid and niave) I've been out on girly nights,have spent time doing things i enjoy doing alone and have thrown myself into my college work. I'm doing okay generally but sometimes i get so unbelievably low. My self esteem is so low, I've just got braces- which i'm really self conious of, I feel like i must have done something wrong to deserve all this hurt, and i generally feel unattractive and worthless. We have the same circle of friends, so i see him fairly regularly. He's both tried to be nice to me and ignored me. In an ideal world be be friends, for the sake of our friends and because we did use to have such good times together, it would be a shame to fade to black. The thing is I'm so hurt deep down that sometimes it hurts just for him to wave to a girl near me, in short I'm fragile! I'm friends with all his family, so in that sense it would be good if we were at least civil. My questions are ...Should I make the effort to be friends?Will being friends just hurt more?Am I right to be hurt?Am I right to have such low self esteem?And is it okay to hate him for hurting me?Thankyou, I know I probably sound really pathetic :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Should you make an effort to be friends?
No. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be polite, but you shouldn't pursue a friendship. You'll just end up prolonging your hurting.
Will being friends just hurt more?
Yup. There may come a point when you can actually be friends, but that is a long way down the road after you've properly grieved and burried the dead relationship.
Are you right to be hurt?
Absolutely.
Are you right to have such low self esteem?
Talk about a trap question. :P
No, absolutely not. Braces don't make you any less attractive. Lots of people your age have them. I think part of the problem is the feeling of rejection. That's why you need to focus on yourself and getting past this relationship.
Is it ok to hate him for hurting you?
Sure, for a while. Harboring deep feelings of hate for long periods of time is very unhealthy though. With any negative thing in your life you tend to go through the stages of grief. Lets see if I remember them without looking them up... Nope, 4 of the five. Forgot depression. They are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Take your time and deal with what you're feeling. Just know that those feelings may pass given time and understanding.
___________________________
Please try not to be so down on yourself. You're still young and break ups hurt, no matter what the age, but the loss of your first true love tends to hurt really badly.
You said that you have a great support network. That's unbelievably important. Lean on them, that's what they are there for. Let them help you work through this. It will get better.
A
female
reader, cindy 15 +, writes (29 September 2010):
 when a couple breaks up there are ALWAYS awkards afterwards moments these are just one of them
every girl gets hurt when they break up with someone and no it isnt wrong to hate him in my opinion and being his friend may hurt but at lesast there is closure
i mean if you were in his place and u dumped him cause u didnt like him anymore can u blame him can you feeling tend to change in some relationships
but some people are always hurt more then others i mesn if i was you i would do the same but you cant hate him just because he doesnt like you anymore can you? doesnt mean you have to hate him i cant only look at your point of view but this guy too
so to sum up if i were you be friends you cant never talk to each other again can you
maybe it will hurt to be friends but its better then suffering in silence
id say get another guy to regain and redeem yourslf
i hope everything works out hopr this advice helped you even just a little
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