A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years, and we really love each other, but his parents have suddenly decided i'm not welcome at their house anymore and they really hate me. I thought all along that they didn't like me cos they think i'm taking their son away, it's gone too far now though, they told him to choose between me and them which is so not fair! He won't choose but he just gets moaned at all the time about me and they keep telling him to dump me cos he will be better of without me :( please help i don't know what to do Reply to this Question
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male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 I guess it's about what you think is right at the time...and what you're willing to live with. That means you should confront his parents over the phone and ask them what their problem is???
They might have some kind of twisted jealousy complex. It's a sad situation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): Hey!
I once dated a girl, a religious girl, whose mother hated me cause I was arab, exposed to Islam, and had ties in the Middle East. I was 18 at the time and very irate. I decided to maintain who I was, to be persistent within myself and not fight back so she could hopefully see past all the sterotypes and see me differently. It eventually worked. However, it did take time. In my opinion, it wasnt worth it as I did it for my GF and her Mom...not for myself. When you do things for others to make then happy, in the end, you will feel disappointed. Im a man now who avoids conflict by all means (LONG STORY)...For the long term, youll eventually have to deal with his parents either way even if he chooses you. You dont want that. If I were you I would put this relationship on hold and stop it for your own personal well being. These parents arent helping your confidence and youre faced with a dilemma. By stopping the relationship, you dont have to make these decisions which can turn out emotional. Best to you :)
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A
female
reader, Philosophyzer  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Maybe you need to ask why they don't like you and if there is anything you might have done to disrespect his parents. No, they can't force him to dump you, but they can surely influence him and that is something you cannot avoid. These are, indeed, his parents and, usually, parents know what's best for their child.
But create a dialogue with him and his parents. Ask what's happened and why the sudden hatred. If you have done something offensive or wrong, offer necessary apologies and respect.
Though, like I said, a parent usually knows what is best for their child, as they have lived it all before. Every time my Mother has disapproved of a boyfriend, friend, or action, she has always been correct in her observation. You both are still young. So, maybe it's time to go your separate ways. This dynamic will only cause tension in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Well it is very wrong of them to ask him to chose between his girfriend and them its really unfair on him. Im glad he wont chose and i hope your not asking him to choose you as he needs his parents. Have you done anything on his parents that have suddenly stopped them from wanting you in there house? Maybe sit down with his parents, be respectful to them and tell them you really love there son and that you really want to be with him and that they are tearing him apart wanting him to choose, just confront them and ask what you have done that has upset them so much, tell them you want to be with there son for a long time and that its also important to you that you get on with his parents. Write back and let me no how you get on after having a talk with them. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 September 2010):
 When people force this kind of decision, they usually end up driving the person away from them. I know that whenever I've been forced to make the "them or me" decision, I go with the person not forcing the choice. It would be much more difficult if it were my parents though. Honestly, they need to let him live his life. It isn't their place anymore to decide these things for him and it is difficult for them to let go. There comes a point in every parents life when they have to let their babies out into the world to make their own decisions whether they like the choices their child makes or not.
Still, I hate to say this, but they are also usually right in their observations about such things. At least in my experience that has been the case. My parents are good enough to never force such a decision. They may let me know their feelings, but they don't force me to choose. They will be there for me no matter what.
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