A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:my dad cheated on my mum and they separated. now hes still with the girl but i hate her. i only met her once and i didnt know they were going out then. now he keeps trying to get my 10 year old sister to go out with them all because he knows shes too young to say anything. I actually hate my dad and i dont want to ever speak to him again and i have told him that but i have to go to his house every other weekend. He often tells me how hard it was for him to leave but he doesnt understand i dont care anymore. i feel no sympathy towards him.whenever i go to his house he is SO restricting on me and tries to manipulate my plans to fit him and im sick of it! when i get angry at him he gets angry at me for being rude and every fight we have ends up being about how he left. please help me. i dont know what to do...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): I can understand your feelings how it feels and how angry you get because i am also going through same situation. my dad is having affair with another woman and my mom knows about it. my mom love him alot she is still living with him..i see her crying everynight..and i HATE my dad i will never forgive him. but what can anger do? it will just harm you. try counceling because it helps.
Thanks :)
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Parents aren't meant to let you do whatever you want. They aren't your friends and have to set rules.
I think you need to speak to a councelor about this. You're at an age where you're pushing for your independence. You also have lots of issues surrounding the divorce, the affair, and joint custody that are coming out in anger and fights. Talking about what happened with someone who is trained to help you through the grieving process will be the first step for you to work past this.
There's an old saying, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. What your dad did was wrong. There is never an excuse for an affair in my book. Still, what's done is done and all you can do now is move forward and try to work things out. Being bull headed will get you nowhere. I realize that you're hurt. You should be hurt by what he did. He has to realize that he can't make it right over night. It will likely take a long time before your relationship with him can be mended.
Please talk to a professional. It will be a start to your healing process. It isn't healthy to harbor such hate. It will eat away at you. You need to find a way that you can get past these feelings. I'm not saying you have to forgive him. I'm saying that you have to find a way to get over your anger for your own well being.
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A
female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (29 September 2010):
 I'm so sorry to hear this, girly. This is a difficult situation and it will eventually improve. Don't worry.
Firstly, your feelings of anger and hatred are completely legitimate. He disrespected your Mother by cheating and broke the bonds of your family. You also feel disrespected and as if he might not truly care for you, your sister, and especially your Mom. Those feelings are okay. You might feel this way for a while. That's okay, too. You're grieving and this will take time to heal.
To try to heal this situation, you need to talk to your Dad. And I do mean TALK. No arguing or yelling. No attitudes or dirty looks. Talk to him and tell him how betrayed you feel. Tell him what your emotions are. Adult relationships are very intricate at times. Maybe he can better explain what is going on at his end. Ask him to be open and honest with you.
If your Dad is unresponsive and acts like your "childish" feelings don't matter, ask your Mom to take you to a counselor. Counselors can really help you talk out your issues and help you cope with the pain, especially at such a young age. This is a confusing time and you need the necessary guidance. See a counselor individually, or maybe try to talk your Dad into attending with you. You need to be able to forgive eventually and see that your Dad still is your Dad, at bottom, and that he most likely loves you very much.
Stay strong for you and your little sister. I wish you the best. :-)
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