A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:my husband's life revolves around his hobbies- currently golf. his idea of a good weekend is golf, sleep and tv.I should be happy just to cook his meals ,clean his mess and watch him sleep!He promises to be back in time if I ask to do something ,then arrives home too late to go out with me and wonders why I'm angry.when we do go out he spoils things with his attitude and cant wait to go home. take yesterday- he golfed all morning, agreed to go out for the afternoon, then played up because his ankle hurt (from golfing)so we were back in 2hrs and that included visiting a cafe he wanted to try. that ankle didn't hurt this morning though when he had a golf match! I was tied up with my caring job but agreed to get lunch ready and he would cook the veg for my return. arrived home to find he hadn't returned. eventually he swanned in but I was so mad so gave the dinner to the dogs. What a waste of a weekend. I am tied up all week with my job and pets and making sure tea is on the table for him. If I go out on my own he would never think to have a meal ready.he never alters his routine if we have family here, he has lovely grandchildren but goes of golfing or upstairs out of the way. have had the same arguements for 33 yrs ,it is so depressing. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Well..... it sounds like its time you got a life lady! Sorry to sound harsh but its one thing complaining and another to keep on perpetuating the same problem by setting yourself up for disappointment. You really need to overcome your natural desire to care for your husband in a vain attempt for him to pull his weight. He is not going to after this long time so you need to play him at his own game (and I don't mean golf!). Join clubs, social groups and societies that mean you are out all weekend or in the evenings - pick something new that makes you feel vibrant and alive - not like a doormat for him. If possible schedule it so that as he is coming home you are "just off out now back later" and definitely do NOT get dinner ready for him. In some ways you have been setting yourself up to be used and he has taken full advantage of your kind and caring nature. Talking to him gently about this is not going to cut any ice I'm afraid - you have to create some equality. Surely also its possible for you to make new friends of both sexes so that you can increase your sense of interaction - you'd be surprised how injecting a new social scene into your life can make you feel alive again. This way you will care less and less that your husband is letting you down with his selfish obsession and can evaluate the situation with him and your relationship on a more even foundation. If your husband only notices you when you are not there to feed him or do his washing then you don't have a relationship but that does not mean your world and your life must go on hold.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Sounds like he is a golfing nut.
Each guy deserves some free time and it certainly sounds like he has his fair share of it. When it becomes a problem, and from the sounds of it, it has, you have to sit him down and make sure he understands that he has some obligations with you.
There isn't a whole lot you can do if he continues down this road though. Let's face it, he's a man, not a 12 year old.
I think you need to sit down and have a chat. Explain how his actions have hurt you and your relationship. Tell him you don't mind him playing golf, but that he is neglecting you and the chores. You could also quit doing the chores that you complain about. Let his laundry pile up. When it stinks enough, he'll wash it.
Hopefully he'll come around. If not, then I think you need to start making social plans for yourself and find ways to do things without his presense.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 January 2011):
 I don't think I know of one single couple who are completely happy with eachothers behaviour in a long marriage (or relationship) Men are selfish creatures by their very nature. You have done for him for over 30 years so, for him, life is normal and great.
The older we get, we get weary of the same day in day out routine and that's probably why you feel so down hearted and put out.
The only way you can communicate your feelings is to tell him directly how you feel. Tell him that you need to feel supported and loved and that it wouldn't kill him to help out with dinner once in a while. Let him know if he doesn't compromise a little more that you will get some hobbies of your own, which will keep you out and busy, just like he does...thats fair afterall.
Men can be quite dense...you need to lay the law down and give it to him straight...or he's never going to get the message.
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