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I lied to my boyfriend about getting raped and being pregnant and he wants me to help raise the baby!!!!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 December 2010) 12 Answers - (Newest, 25 December 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Okay, I'm 14. My boyfriend (who's 13) and I are really close, so we tell each other everything. One day, I saw him talking to his friend, who I SWEAR was hitting on him (she was touching him and everything)!! So I (obviously) got upset... I didn't know how to deal with this!! When he saw me crying, he asked "why?" I lied to him. I told him I was raped a month ago and I just found out I'm pregnant. He wants to help me raise the baby. How on earth do I fix this? I can't say I lied to him. I also can't pretend to be pregnant forever!! He has been so protective and caring since I lied (and he's barely noticed his friend), so I don't wanna hurt him with the truth. HELP?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010):

I also have been in the most terrifying situation and like 'no watered down adcice here' just wanted to say how lucky you are. I was raped at almost 15 and i was left pregnant. While i was pregnant with his baby.. His friends gang raped me and left me traumatised! At 18. With a 2 and a half year old baby i am still getting councilling. And no matter how much i love my little princess. It still kills me to think about. You and only you can fix thos problem! You were out of order and im sure youll already know that. But tell your boyfriend it was just a late period. Mistake! Leave it at that. Just do not continue this lie! Good luck!

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A female reader, :)31215 United Kingdom +, writes (24 December 2010):

:)31215 agony auntObviously your relationship isnt as great asyoure saying if you cant even tell your boyfriend tht you were upset about the other girl flirting with him. If he was a decent guy he would've just apologised to you and not done it again (and he sounds like a good guy, offering to help raise a baby which isn't even his..)

Now you've dug yourself into this pit...

I suggest you tell him before he finds out from someone else.

Here's an example... Ever seen Glee? Where she pretends to be pregnant. The guys reaction on tht program will be HIS reaction if he finds out himself. If you tell him yourself as soon as possible youve got more chance of salvaging your relationship.

A little white lie isn't too bad... but a lit about being RAPED, and finding out your PREGNANT is way too far. What the hell made you think of tht lie?!

Tell him asap is my opinion..

:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010):

Oh lordy, we really do get everything on here, don't we? What on EARTH were you thinking? Come clean and don't do anythign remotely like that again.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (24 December 2010):

Anonymous 123 agony auntI agree with the poster who said...out of all the lies in the world, this is the only one that you picked???What the hell were u thinking?? And then you just played along??!! Its not funny at all...u lied about being RAPED. Do u know the gravity of the lie?? Anyway, you're young and it was immature...now undo it. Tell him straight that you messed up and just said it and one lie kept blending into another. Apologize and learn from it. And just hope the guy is gracious enough to accept your apology. You say you dont want to hurt him with the truth?? The truth will be far less painful than the lie that you're living right now.

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A female reader, sappygirl United States +, writes (24 December 2010):

sappygirl agony auntI know you are young. And young people can be immature, but this is something that you just don't lie about.

You made a mistake and now you need to face the consequence. Tell him the truth, apologize, and if he breaks up with you, then you should accept it.

learn from this. You are being a drama queen wanting attention from him. If you want attention, then ask him for it. You say you tell each other everything, so why not tell him the truth. You cannot get away from this lie. This is not a white lie. This is a horrible, terrible lie that you need to make right.

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A female reader, kirra07 Canada +, writes (24 December 2010):

Of all the lies you should not tell, the one about getting raped is at the top of the list. Rape is a serious crime, and not something to be used as a lie. Please tell your boyfriend the truth, you can't fake a pregnancy and this could have serious consequences involving the police, your parents, etc.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (24 December 2010):

Frank B Kermit agony auntYou need to forget about having a BF and get therapy right now.

Your response to the situation is COMPLETELY inappropriate, and unless you come clean, your BF and anyone else that hears this story and commits resources to you (like money and gifts) can legally charge you for any resource they go out of pocket for.

This is not just a little white lie. This is a major accusation you have made, and I STRONGLY suggest that you come clean, tell your BF and if he breaks up with you...good.

If he does not break up with you, you need to break up with him, and commit yourself to competent therapy to get to the root of this extreme behavior of yours.

-Frank

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010):

this was a very very foolish thing to do. You need to tell him the truth and not worry about that girl.?my bf is in a band and after they've played literally about ten girls will go up to him and try chat him up, but i really trust him and he is totally honest so i don't mind that.?tell your boyfriend the truth and learn from this that you can't lie to someone about that

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A female reader, Tbosse South Africa +, writes (24 December 2010):

Tbosse agony auntYou created the stage, now dance on it.! Tell him you were just longing for his attention,and that you are sorry. Next time never play with such things, its aint cool

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (24 December 2010):

AuntyEm agony auntYou don't really have a choice but to tell him. Better to tell him now and say you panicked rather than let things go on and on and deceive him over a much longer time. You are so young and I know feelings can be intense but you will calm down as you get older and not get into these situations.

Tell him the truth, say you are sorry and leave it up to him if he still wants to be friends...that's the best thing to do.

Hugs xx

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A female reader, No watered down advice here! United States +, writes (24 December 2010):

No watered down advice here! agony auntWell, I was going to pass this one up. And something just kept telling me to tell you my story. So...Here goes. I WAS raped, at the age of 12 and I DID get pregnant and had nobody I could go to tell that I had been raped. Not my mom, she was too busy doing other things. When my mom found out I was 6 1/2 months pregnant. I had an early delivery and my daughter was born 2 weeks later. My daughter and I are very close today. I decided to tell you my story to show you how lucky you are to have somebody that you can talk to, and to let you know that you can't tell lies and expect people to believe you when you're telling the truth. Now, how do you tell him you're not pregnant and that you made it up? You have to tell him the truth. You have your entire life ahead of you, and (Faking)having a child and being in a relationship is not in your best interest right now. I would suggest you concentrate more on you and your goals in life; you have plenty of time to have boyfriends and babies.

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A female reader, dersita Ireland +, writes (24 December 2010):

dersita agony auntWhy would you lie to him??

And even if you wanted to, why on earth would you lie to him ABOUT THAT??

Out of all the lies in the world, why would you PICK THAT ONE??

When he saw you crying you should have just told him the truth. He would have understood. (If he didn't, and began thinking you were a cry baby, then he's totally not a good boyfriend)

You should have been honest to him. And now you lied you got raped and YOU SAID YOU WERE PREGNANT!? What if the police gets involved in this!?

Sorry girl, but you gotta step up and tell the truth before matters become worse!

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