A
female
age
51-59,
*rincesslonghair
writes:my husband said he is in love with our children's best friends single mother. We both have two boys, and have been friends for years. Doing activities together all the time, with and with out our boys. Camping, vacations, bike riding, movies, etc.. Neither of them are willing to stop this communication between them. I have faced them both. He still takes our children when he spends time with her. I am not aloud to attend. Every one messes up sometimes. This is his one time.After 19 years of marriage, I am not willing to give up, or break up our family. We now are in a in- house seperation, that sucks! I do not have a job, and am limited because of medical problems. How can I save my marriage, and make my husband fall in love with me again, and stop seeing her?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, princesslonghair +, writes (31 December 2010):
princesslonghair is verified as being by the original poster of the question Anonymous,
What do I do to tease a man that hasn't had sex with me since Feb.2010? We use to be frisky!! Chain me up, and..
me harder, kind of kink. Now I have lost 100lbs. in 2 years. Then this shit!!!!
I will see what I can do.
New Years Eve, I am going to Al. and see my new girl friend, and her race car husband. That way he can have some time to himself.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Quick note, so hope he doesn't read this... men always like a challenge.. maybe if you look happy, excited and eager to be on your own, he might change his mind.. He thinks he knows you, shake things up and make him look at you twice.
Just a quick thought... don't chase, it always seems to make them run away faster.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Aww I didnt mean to make you cry.
Well I guess the therapy may throw up some reasons why he is doing this. Has he talked about saving the marriage? or asked you about yours and the kids feelings and how this is affecting you all?...I am guessing he hasn't... Lord men can be so selfish!!
Allowing him to have space is ok if you know for sure he isn't contacting her. If he is, then space is pointless, it's just going to give him more time to be with her without the guilt. Grrr honest it makes me mad!!!
He could play you one against the other for years (cynical I know I am) but I really am an advocate for women protecting themselves both emotionally and financially.
If you want another try at winning him back, then you have to ask him if there is even a chance that it will happen. Dammit! your entitled to happiness as well and if that cannot be with him, then he needs to come clean as soon as possible so you can deal and start to heal...it seems you are in limbo right now! Clinging on probably isn't going to help.
Ask your therapist how long you should wait before you act on what he is doing. When you act, it makes you feel more in control and able to make decisions that are right for you. I am sure your heart is broken and down, but think about the future, should he leave...how will you cope?, will you need to go back to work?, how much money will you need to survive? If he realises that leaving you will have a major impact on his finances...it may be enough to make him come to his senses. Either way, it's not going to be plain sailing for him, he has a lot of responsibilities to man-up to.
He should have given you an answer about the 'no contact with her' by now. I would be totally 'eyes wide open' to his reactions...if he can't give you an answer then he hasn't any intention to stop talking to her...unless he decides for himself.
Hugs for you. It's devestating to lose someone you love so dearly...I have been there myself, so I know how painful and destroying it is.
Keep your chin up and let me know how it goes.
love
Aunty Em xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, princesslonghair +, writes (30 December 2010):
princesslonghair is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAuntyEm,
Thank you so much for you helpful words, and symphony. I am crying now as I write you. Reading answers some how makes it even more real.
I did ask him to see a therapist, and he is. The fourth visit today. I am seeing a different therapist, my fifth visit on Monday. She is telling me to give him space.
He may need time to understand his own feelings.
Also to ask him to have time apart from my ex-friend.
No calling, texting, e-mails, nothing for a time to see if we can save our marriage.
I married my best friend, and I want him back!
My boys and I had an intervention on Monday. We all asked him not to be in touch with her family at all for at least three months.
He still hasn't answered us. I pray it will be tonight. I also told him I posted this. I wounder if he will look?
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 December 2010):
You need to ask your husband what is going on. It sounds very much like he has been having an affair for a very long time with this woman and now he loves her.
I really hate to say it but you might not want to break up the marriage, but honey, he already is. Declaring to you that he loves this woman and having a live-in separation is just the means to a final end...to leave you and be with her.
I have no idea what could possibly save your marriage, but I think it is time to get real with him and make plans so that, financially you will be able to cope when he leaves.
Even if, out of guilt, he doesn't leave, I am pretty sure it's going to take a miracle for him to stop seeing her. I cannot think of anything worse in a relationship knowing you are only just holding onto someone, knowing they are loving someone else. My heart goes out to you totally.
You could perhaps suggest some sort of family counselling to identify why he has turned to another woman, but if he refuses to go there isn't much else you can do.
I am so so sorry for you, truly I am.
xxxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): He is probably getting bored. You should tease him alittle Show him what he is going to be missing out on.
...............................
|
