A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm involved with a man that I'm deeply in love with but do not trust. In the past he hid the fact that he was still with his ex and had a secret text relationship with her (if not more). He promised he would change and after 5 breakups things seemed to be back on track. Without getting too specific I'll fast forward and mention that at one point he gave me his email accounts so I could check on him due to the trust issues. I do check it but he has other accounts so there rarely is anything worth reading. Tonight there were messages from his ex to him on the same email account but since he was sleeping in my room it was addressed to his name then the words DONOTCALL. of course if she did I would have heard them talking. I don't know how to confront him and ask why he has a secret email he uses so that she won't call because then he might get mad I was prying. I also want to mention that 3 days ago I looked at his phone for the first time in months and found messages from her. He erases his messages from his BB daily because he says that the phone can't keep that much memory. I find his excuses dumb and I'm tired of checking up on him. I don't want to walk away but don't know what to do. At best it's a text friendship so should I let it go since he's with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Not only is he a jerk, but you are allowing him to continue his outrageous behavior by staying with him. What a friggin' loser!! If you don't end the relationship, he will because that woman seems to be high on his priority list. Higher than you.
Leave him. It's useless to stay. You deserve better.
Don't settle.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): He sounds like a real pro. Deleting his sent items and making excuses, ha ha. Yes, he will probably get mad you have been spying, because he has got found out.
My advice is dump him, and find someone you can enjoy being with, instead of wasting your energy on checking up on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck....
It's a duck.
And this duck is quacking all over the place it seems. You don't WANT TO walk away, but unless you are willing to be used and exploited... you may very well have to.
I wouldn't explain anything to him about how you know. I'd even come up with some story to flush her out. Let them catch themselves up...
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 You don't want to walk away but in all reality, it's just a matter of time before he walks away from you. He is lining up the other woman and you know it. Be a smart girl and dump him....he's a liar.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Here you are, having broken up with this cheating idiot 5 times and still making excuses for him. He pulled a bait and switch on you with the email accounts. He's lying about his phone. He might as well be waving a big red flag in your face that says "I'M A LIAR".
I only hope that one day you will realize that this relationship is a total loss and you can do better. Walk away and find some self respect instead of hanging on to a man who is treating your trust like a dirty dishrag. He won't change, he won't stop cheating on you, and your life is gonna continue down this road until you free yourself from this madness.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 December 2010):
You do need to let him go. From the start, this guy has been a liar and cheat. And there has been no trust because of it. I think it's pretty clear that he's cheating again, or always has been.
This guy is a total waste of time, and you can do so much better elsewhere with a guy who won't cheat.
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