A
female
age
41-50,
*enta
writes:I have been seeing this guy for almost 2 months. Everything has been great, we hit it off, have fun, laugh and we usually see one another 3-4 times a week and I will sleep over. Well suddenly after xmas he seems different. Telling me he has been busy and he cant see me several times a week every week and I find that funny because he was before. He just seems distant but when I do seem him which has been once since xmas he is nice and affectionate toward me. But I have been wondering who he really is so I decided to do an online search and found out he lied about his age, he told me he was 33 and really he is 31. I also found out back in 06 he was married. He did tell me that he had a relationship end in 08 but he told me it was just with a gf and did not mention he was married. But I feel like he is a player and does this stuff all the time. Why would he suddenly go from seeing me all the time to once a week or suddenly so busy. Somneone else had to come in his life. But he still keeps me on the back burner? Thats how I feel. This may be childish but I used my sons cell to trick and and I sent a few text being a girl looking for a friend and he caught on hook and sinker. After a few days went by he actually sent that cell a text saying happy new year and I never got one and then we started chatting and I asked his age and he said 25 and he had no gf? whats with him? why not act like a man and stop being a pig? To confront or blow off?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Definitely take more time to know someone before you get too close to them. Ask a lot of questions right away and do online research, that way you will save yourself heartache and aggravation. Don't take what men tell you at face value.
He is a player and he lied to you so just dump him and good riddance.
A
female
reader, cat lady +, writes (4 January 2011):
 You did an online search? Did you have to pay for that? I wonder why you didn't do it at the beginning, then; before you got too intimate. These days, it's probably a good idea and you were sensible to listen to your instincts. In earlier generations, there were other investigative agencies in use, called families. I can see already that you're a very kind lady: had you been otherwise, you might have given a tender age of say, 15, in those fake text messages and lured the pervert into serious trouble with the law. Vice squads do that a lot, as you may know already. Don't 'sleep over' at the homes of strange men; it always looks bad. I don't care how 'liberated' we all like to think ourselves; some things never change and the double standard for the sexual behavior of men and women is one of them, alas. What you actually did is not all you have to worry about; how it looks is what your reputation is based upon. It's why we have the old maxim: "Always get home before the milkman shows up!" That liar of a boyfriend has treated you with no more and no less contempt than society at large will also do. That's not fair and not particularly rational but how often have human beings, throughout history, ever distinguished themselves as rational or fair? Protect yourself, lady! As an adult, you can no longer depend upon others to do it for you.
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A
male
reader, CrazyCowboy +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Wake up girl! He's a deushe! Believe me, I know, I used to be one! Never let yourself get treated bad if you dont deserve it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Dump him. Let this be a good lesson for you. Here's the lesson: Do not sleep with a man until you have a commitment of monogamy and exclusivity. If a guy wants to sleep with you then you need to take care of yourself and you body. Tell him you won't become intimate with anyone until they agree to these things. If not, move on. Women who have self confidence and self esteem require a commitment from men. You will find a man who will happily do as you wish. I don't understand why women are so quick to sleep with men without so much as a conversation about these things. Men have it made! If a guy likes you, he will want to be with you, not make you worry and call you all the time. He does not act like this dude is doing. We've all done what you have, the tricks, spying, etc. When you meet a good guy, which you will, it will be so wonderfully different. Now.....stop calling him, stop all the tricks. Go about your business and if he ever calls again, ask him for a comittment. If he says "no way honey" then say thank you and move on. You will find another guy!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Well it's true to say 'If you start digging, you had better be prepared for dirt'
aving uncovered so many unsavory things about this guy, you should consider yourself well rid of him.
Men do lie about their age, They do keep old girlfriends in their 'little black book' or on a backburner as you so eloquently put it...and they do go off women who jump into their beds too quickly.
All women should have this tattooed on their heads so that when these things happen it's no surprise!!
Sorry you got messed around...cut the cord, forget and move on!!!
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (4 January 2011):
 This is where you need to stop over thinking things and finding excuses. Time to dump him and move. Don't look back. Him not contacting you is horrible enough, but flirting via text with a pretend female?! Now you know exactly what type of guy he is. Be glad you didn't invest more time. Quit sleeping with guys so early and get to know them first - you won't run into these types of problems!
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