A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am in a spot of bother. I had been going out with a girl long distance for about a year, we moved in together and I was pretty sure then that it wasn't true love.After about 6 months, when she was telling me she was taking contraception she fell pregnant. It turned out she was lying and had not been taking the pill. I was therefore not happy about this as I felt this was an unfair/selfish act. Although I was completely naive to have trusted her.Whilst unhappy, I felt I couldn't leave her however as I would be responsible for bringing a child into this world without a father and would feel real guilt at the child's potential lifelong sadness.Now two years later the child has arrived, who is fantastic, but I still do not truly love my partner who I am still with. This results in an unhappy environment.Now, I am being pressured into marriage by her and her parents/her country's culture. I don't think I want to do it, but if not she will leave me, move back to her country and take my son away. The thought of not being their for him and him having a bad start in life terrifies me and is the reason I am at the moment going through with this marriage. I know this is a bad decision but feel trapped and don't know what to do.Please can u advise. I know I should be grateful for having a son but I cling to finding real love with someone I want to spend every second with.
View related questions:
long distance, moved in, the pill, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Some of the answers to this question amuse me.
When did living with a woman become equivalent to telling her that you wanna marry her someday?
Let's reverse the genders. Would everyone tell a woman that she should have expected to be getting married to a man just because she moved in with him?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): female anon said: "You dated her. You moved in with her knowing that she was not your "true love". Wow"What is going through your head, female anon? The only thing that means "I want to have kids with you" is telling the person "I want to have kids with you"!There is absolutely positively no ethical reason to lie to a man about taking birth control pills. None whatsoever. It would be treated as a serious crime if the legal system was fair to fathers. You seem more interested in the man's "wrongdoing" of not reading his GF's mind than the GF's choice to bring a child into this world so she can run his life the way she wants. Your viewpoint disgusts me. It really does.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 April 2011):
 http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/TravelAndTransport/Passports/Applyingforaneworrenewedchildpassport/DG_174106
Please read this if you fear your child will be taken out of the country. It is illegal for a parent to take a child born in the UK out of the country permanently,without the other parents consent. You need to put measures in place to protect your child from abduction.
You are in a very tricky situation so you need to contact a lawyer for advice and maybe take some DNA evidence from your child (a hair sample for example)It is far better to make plans to protect yourself and your child before anything bad happens.
You have every right to live a separate life from your partner but still be an active loving father to your child without fear he will be removed from you. Get as much legal advice as you can and find out what you can do to prevent your child dissapearing. Different countries have different rules (far eastern countries being particularly difficult)so you need to arm yourself with knowledge and a plan.
Best of luck to you and I hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 I agree with the below posters, you don't owe her a thing. Do not marry her. This woman deceived you in a horrible way, do you really want to be legally bound to her??? Marrying her won't make you anymore legally bound to your child, only to her. This is a terrible idea to marry her.
...............................
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 Run to the law!! I agree with CaringGuy-this woman is not to be trusted. Ever. Now, don't tell her a thing, find a good lawyer and explain the situation...Now, we all know a fatherless child can suffer tremendously, a child needs a father too. Your lawyer can have a "block" done-prevent the mother from ever taking your child out of the country. Unfortunately, it will get ugly. But it's all for your son-remember that. I wish you the best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): You dated her. You moved in with her knowing that she was not your "true love". Wow.
And YOU lost faith in her. Did she know that you did not think she was the love of your life? Most people when they move in it is because they want to be together. You already knew that you were not planning to stay with her - what a foundation for a great, trustful relationship.
You have still spent two more years in that relationship. She wants to go, so let her go. Yes, of course, the child will go with her. But at least this way she and the child have a chance of finding someone who loves them for who they are and not use them as a stopgap.
When you move out you may even realise your feelings for her. But do yourself both a favour and get out of this relationship. I am sure whatever is in store for the kid is better than this didn-t-want-to-be-dad who does not love his mother.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 April 2011):
DO NOT GET MARRIED - YOU ARE BEING TRAPPED AGAIN.
She is going to marry you, so she can get her hands on half your assets, then divorce you and walk away anyway. How do I know? Because this dreadful woman has already lied before and is now using your child against you.
Instead, get a very good lawyer and leave the damn woman. You can explain that she's blackmailing you, and also that she is an unsuitable mother and try to get custody. Yes, it will be bloody. But it#s better than being screwed in the divorce courts by a woman like this.
...............................
A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (9 April 2011):
 She tricked and betrayed you, so you owe her NOTHING.
I understand your feelings for your son, but what about YOUR unhappiness for the rest of your life?
It was her decision to fool you into having an unwanted chiold, so let her run away - if she really means it - and leave you to find happiness with someone else.
...............................
|
