A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can you help me with a confusion of mine, please?I can accept an honest answer... whether it's the one I want to hear or not.However, it would be great to hear from people who have stories about this topic that they can share with me.Suppose that you have feelings for someone, but that person doesn't reciprocate... he or she sees you as a friend, nothing more, he or she is interested in someone else, he or she is in a relationship.Obviously you shouldn't put your life on HOLD for someone.But... is there a chance that the person's feelings could change over time?Does this mean you have no chance with this person, EVER? Or is it possible that, in the future, this person could have feelings for you?Thank you if you can help me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Niceguy5283  +, writes (29 March 2011):
There is always a chance that this person may change how they see you. Sometimes, they change how they see themselves. One day they realize that the lifestyle they have does not satisfy them anymore. Take a look at the person you are. Are there things you want to change? Maybe be more physically active? Do more for your community? Travel? See if you can find things that will make you happy and bring positive changes in your life. These changes may lead this person to see you differently. Possibly, you may meet someone new while improving your life. Good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 It helps if there is sexual chemistry between you two. My current boyfriend was a casual lover who wanted no relationship no children no whatever. He had closed the door on love at the tender age of 40. He had made up excuses why a relationship would not be good with me when he avoided discussions and just decided to get stuck in negative mode. Fast forward two years later we will be moving in in July and our relationship can't be better.
I don't know how common my story is. I trusted my gut instincts, was patient, and I was able to prove people wrong, those who think in rigid terms, like don't get involved with emotionally unavailable men, or there are plenty of fish in the sea. I had other options too, but I chose to wait.
A friend could mean a good platonic relationship in which you share a lot of commonality and interests. A friend could also mean he doesn't want to look like a jerk by just disappearing from your life forever. If it's the latter then it's a friend that you won't expect to see again, because the friendship will feel forced and become awkward. It depends on where you meet guys. I would say a bigger percentage belongs to the "friends you would never see again" category.
Your answers here also depend on what people's experiences are. If there are women who got cheated, played, being led on, then of course their responses will be negative. You shouldn't put your life on hold but also realize that something of value is worth the wait. Think of people waiting in life to get the best tickets or young students being put on waiting list for a good college. Waiting is a part of life. Whether this guy is anything of value, only you can tell. For example does he strike you as anything extraordinary, or is he just another unavailable guy.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 Thats a tough one. All I know is that it's much easier to keep someone you really love in your life as a friend than get tied up in knots because they wont ever see you as a lover.
I have a friend like this, he's been in my life for 5 years. Sometimes there is loads of contact (like at the moment)and we spend time together. Sometimes he's in a relationship and I hardly hear from him for months. I know he's going to be gone for good one day.
A mutual friend let slip that I thought more of him than just a friend, he didn't react to this which lets me know we will ever only be friends but he is also very protective of our friendship and always resurfaces.Someone recently made a bad remark about me and he defended me like a lion.
At the moment we are seeing a lot of eachother, we get on so well and the time we have is just us alone, so I know it's valid...but it wont ever be a relationship.
I guess it's how much you can stand and if you can draw a line under ever hoping for more. If you can't then you need to bail out before you get hurt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I always think its a good idea to turn a question on its head. Think of a guy you really like as a good friend but definitely don't fancy. Once you have that guy in your mind imagine that you might fancy him? I can think of lots of guys I like a lot but just don't fancy. I can never imagine fancying them either because its like someone asking me if I like a certain type of food, if I don't, I don't. It is the same thing.....
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