A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a lady for 7 weeks. I am 45 and she is 46. On our 10th date I stayed at her house and we ended up having sex. The problem I have is that I used a condom but it broke. I felt it go pop but was just about to climax and couldnt stop myself. The end result was I came the whole lot inside her. She isnt on any contraception but she went and bought the morning after pill and took it so I assumed everything was going to be ok. I saw her take the pill.The thing is that since that happened she has been putting off seeing me again. I think shes beautiful and I am really attracted to her. I have called her and text her almost every day since it happened ( about 10 days ago) but she said she isnt available to see me at the moment. She told me she had had an abortion in the past (before the incident) and that it was very traumatic for her. I have offered to pay half for an abortion if she is pregnant and said I will go with her but she has just gone very quiet and seems upset.Can anyone tell me why she won't talk to me, it's driving me crazy and I think about her all the time. We are both divorced with grown kids and I am pretty sure she isnt dating anyone else.She told me she will call me and let me know if she doesn't get her period but she won't see me. I told her I feel bad about what happened and will go with her to get an abortion so why is she being so off with me?
View related questions:
abortion, condom, divorce, period, text, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 I know that menopause starts at different ages, 46 being generally the starting point. My answer was in response with Aunty Em's. So her being on birth control is rather irrelevant. It's possible for her to get pregnant naturally but her chances are extremely slim since she is well past her child bearing days and isn't producing as many quality eggs. There's still a possibility, but she could get by without being on it..and tracking her period so she stays clear of sex on her ovulation days.
For the OP: I agree with Cerebus. You blow your wad, when you know you could have stopped. Then you start talking about abortion before her period is due, thus making her relive that traumatic event! Of course she doesn't want to talk to you anymore!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 She does not want to see you :
a) because with the risk of finding herself unexpectedly pregnant at 46, with all the problems this would imply whatever her choice is,- the very very last thing on her mind now is sex and romance !
b) she realizes you could have prevented, or at least try to prevent the accident and you would not even bother.. " because you were about to climax ", and that tells her a lot about your personality and mindset,- and she does ot like what she is being told.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 April 2011):
 The fact is that the guy knew the condom had broken and he still came inside her. He should have pulled out to minimise the risk. It's irresponsible and shows lack of respect.
Maybe the woman has come to her senses and seen that he isnt respectful and now she has backed off and doesn't want to know...and who can blame her!
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 April 2011):
At 46, shouldn't she be nearing menopause anyway?
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 April 2011):
In all fairness to the woman, contraception WAS used and millions of people use condoms without a problem every day so I don't really think it should be down to the woman to plan ahead when men never do.
To the OP, you need to back off with the calls and give her some space. She is in the worrying phase of not knowing for sure so she is going to be distracted and quiet. She knows you are there if she needs any support, so I would back off and wait.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): I agree Hugh.J she could have made sure by going on birth control. But that's irrelevant to the current situation and the one OP finds himself in.
...............................
A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Whilst I agree with most of what has been said, in defence of the OP she did have the option of going on birth control, knowing that she was going to be sexually active.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): She doesn't want to see you because you only thought about yourself at that moment and could have cared less about her. You chose 10 seconds of orgasm over protecting her better interest. You acted in a very selfish way and seem clueless. unfortunately she found out in a really bad way. No woman wants to be put in danger by a man and you put her in danger of facing really bad choices. Raising a child again when her children are grown or the pain and regret that comes with abortion. When a woman wants to get pregnant she will let you know. it is her body, not yours to do as you see fit. you did not show her any respect or concern in that situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ima FreAk! +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Hiyaaaa,Abortion for a woman is a VERY sensitive topic because we have a tendency to feel nurture particularly when it comes to kids, even if it's in the park we feel kinda protective about them.She is probably off with you because you didn't stop or tell her that the condom was broken so she would of done something about it. Or it could be that you hurt her by bringing back her memories of having an abortion like a flashback. I think what you should do is give her time because it's obviously very traumatic for her because she had an abortion before and I don't think she wants another one again. Give her time particularly if she is gonna be on her period or whatever give her time.Once you've given her like a week worth of time maybe you should go to her house surprise and be like you're really sorry and will do anything to help her. You need to make her understand that she shouldn't push you away because you realllllllly wanna help her! Make her smile and laugh!Support her ALL THE WAY THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!Hope my advice helps!Good luck and UPDATE!Lots of love,Ima FreAk!x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Two thing I see here.
1. you should have pulled out, you had time and don't say you didn't, honestly dude there is plenty of time to pull out at every stage of the process. It takes a millisecond and we guys know exactly when we're going to spurt and have plenty of time to pull out. No matter what you say, you have absolutely no excuse for cumming inside her, and even less of an excuse for leaving it in there to pop your entire load.
At 46 she's most likely well aware of this fact and extremely pissed at you for not doing that and protecting her, not only that but you left it in and finished off. On top of that you say you couldn't stop yourself cumming. Of course you couldn't but that's beside the point you could have stopped yourself cumming inside her but you chose not to. Internal ejaculation is never an accident dude, we feel that condom pop, we know exactly when we're going to ejaculate and we can always stop it happening by pulling out. I've done it lots of times, as most men have.
2. Why the hell are talking about an abortion? It's been ten days as you say, there is absolutely no way she can know if she's even pregnant yet, she's taken plan B and you keep offering to pay half for an abortion? You're even offering to go with her. After 10 days!!! After she told you it was really traumatic and you keep reminding her of that and you keep calling and texting her every day!
Now you're wondering why she's off with you? Seriously?
I'm sorry for my tone but I just don't see how you don't get this. I really think you need to leave this woman alone and let this go. You just really seem clueless about the whole thing when it's the most obvious thing in the world.
Let me cut this down to size for you once more. You came inside her when you could have and should have pulled out, and then you start texting and calling about an abortion thinking that would make things okay. You starting to see the problem here? Weird behaviour isn't it?
...............................
A
female
reader, meldana +, writes (11 April 2011):
The fact is that she said the last abortion she had was traumatic so to bring up her having another abortion was (in what I think would be her opinion) heartbreaking. You should have shown more sympathy by telling her that you support her in whatever decision, (be it abortion, adoption, keeping the child to raise, etc) Give her time to find out before you bring up these opinions again and just try and let her know that you will stand by her in what ever SHE wants. And you know what? tell her what you told us. that you love her and you can't stop thinking about her.
...............................
|
