A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been feeling very lonely and upset lately. I have a boyfriend of 6 years and everything is fine with him, but in the last while I have become really self conscious about how I look and I feel really awkward around people. I think that people find me boring and that my friends dont really like me but they put up with me so as not to be mean. Sometimes I cry and it just makes me feel so lonely inside. I keep wishing things (good or bad) would happen to me to make me seem more interesting. I know it's really childish as I'm 27 years old but I cant help it. When I was young I was bullied and I never told anyone but I feel like I'm turning into the person they used to tell me that I was. ugly, boring etc... I dont think my friends would understand because I'm not really close to any of them as they are with each other. I've always been sad - it seems to come and go. Does anyone have any suggestions of how to be a happier person inside? Do you think I should get some therapy (although I feel it would be a waste of a therapists time..!) Nobody knows how I feel because I'm always happy on the outside! Thanks for your help in advance :)
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male
reader, yankit  +, writes (30 March 2011):
You sound like an intellegent young lady that just needs an outlet for anxiety. You might try writing a short story or even a novel to vent. It is a real good way to let your creative energy loose on the world while still retaining some sense of privacy. Go for it!
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (30 March 2011):
 I disagree with Thornbirds because it sounds like you have been positive, happy on the outside. why do you feel like you have to put up this front, especially in front of your boyfriend or your family? admitting your struggling is not an admission of failure. conflict is change waiting to happen. take this opportunity to rebirth yourself by living up to what you value in others. Focus on yourself and tell your friends that you their need support, but if they can't give it to you, then you have to break out on your own. why are you letting yourself be dragged down by people that don't value you or that you don't THINK value you? this will be their test to see if they are true friends and if they will be there for your journey. yes, get some counseling, but also evaluate what you want out of this short time on earth, and do it.
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A
male
reader, jayokayo +, writes (30 March 2011):
 This may not work for everyone but it worked for me and maybe if you give it a go it may help you to. for many years i secluded myself from the social scene, always telling myself I dont fit in anywhere, my health went to a low, I wasnt eating properly, always turning down invites and making exscuses why i cant go, so basicaly i was becomeing a hermit and the only ones I would have close contact with were my kids, if it werent for them I would have shut myself away completely, like you I was bullied when I was young and was never really accepted, although I used to go out and play I usually ended up an outcast so to speak, but last year a friend of mine told me bluntly to get off my arse and get out there and enjoy life instead of locking myself away from it, now im not saying you have done exactly what i have done. He then opened his own acting studio and invited me along, and suprisingly I actually went and I am glad i did, I met some great people there and it really helped me to to bring myself out of myself, it was a great experience and I really felt I fitted right in and was welacomed and accepted by the group, now I know this may not work for everyone but give it a go and you may be surprised. Oh and its not childish to feel the way you are feeling. :)What i wrote may or may not be helpfull but hope it will give a little help.
P.S.
if what I wrote doesnt help then atleast I can try and make you smile.
Smiles are sweet.
And can never be beat.
Hugs are lovely.
And make ya feel bubbly.
So accept my smile.
That will last a long while.
And a big warm hug.
To make ya feel snug
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A
female
reader, Thornbirds  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Have you heard of the sayings, "What you think you are, you are".The inner happiness is not something others give to us. It is an attitude.We don't force happiness to come into our lives. It is something we do and give to others, and come back to us in return.If you seek happiness, you won't find it. If you give happiness to others, it springs back to you.If you keep on thinking about yourself, how sad you are, you will be. Friends are a great treasure of a happy life aside from family. They bring cheer to life.The looks are not important to become a happy person. You can be the most beautiful person, but the most unhappy person inside, or you can be the ugliest person, but the happiest person inside. People love to be with people who don't think, talk, all the time about themselves.Why don't you try making others happy just by your presence. Give cheers to others, they give it back to you in return. That is the secret of inner happiness.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 You sound mildly depressed and in a bit of a rut. This can affect your self esteem. Even though you were bullied in the past, sometimes it takes years for the bad feelings you felt at the time to surface. This can pull you down and make you feel negative and if depression sets in it can become a viscious cycle.You probably need to talk to your doctor about how you feel so they can give you some help to overcome the rough patch your going through...maybe some counselling or a mild anti depressant. There are also things you can do for yourself to make you feel better. They require effort but will bring positve benefits.Try some regular exercise like walking or swimming at least 3 times a week. Also look into some relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga because these can help you quieten your mind and keep negativity at bay. Eat healthily and just be kind to yourself because depression is a physical illness.The exercise and diet change will improve your body shape and give you a boost to your self esteem.Try not to worry too much about what people think of you whilst you go through this difficult time. Depression makes your thinking distorted and how you imagine what they think of you may not be the truth.You seem to be putting a brave face on things but if your inner thoughts are destructive and unhappy then it's time to take some action. Anyone who has ever recovered from depression will tell you that it was the changes they made themselves that made the most difference. Reach out and get some help.Good luck
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A
female
reader, charitysend +, writes (30 March 2011):
Wow. I could have written this problem myself. I tend toward sadness and loneliness myself, when the truth is I am surrounded by people who would be my friends if I would only let them.First off, if you are really self conscious about your looks, then take control of that situation and make yourself look better. Lose the excess poundage, wear prettier clothes (I get all mine at the thrift shop, so I know it's possible to look sharp w/o spending a fortune), re-evaluate your hairstyle and makeup. The harder part is inner happiness. Meditation and affirmations have helped me tremendously in being more confident and more happy with myself as a person. Learning to see and appreciate the beauty all around you is a big help -- music, sunshine, yummy food, the beauty of nature -- there's so much in this world to be happy about! Stop telling yourself that you'd be wasting the therapists time. That's putting yourself down. You don't need to talk to yourself like that. No more mean self-talk ever, that's your new rule. Go see a therapist and see if it helps. I've been to one (just a few times) and it was nice to have someone to tell my troubles too.
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