A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a married mother of 2 young children. Before I met my husband I was in a long term relationship which ended very stressful after I found out he had been cheating on me. I left him and I went straight in another relationship with now my husband. Got pregnant quickly and got married.Since I left my ex I still think of him and I always think I did the wrong thing. We have mutual friends and my best freind is his cousin. He recently got married to someone I work with and this has brought on more feelings for him. I have always known that I loved him so much.I am now shut down from my husband because I cannot get him out of my mind and I am regretting why I left him. I know I cannot talk to him because my husband knows him and mutual freinds it would get nasty.I feel guilty because my husband desrves to be loved a 100% and I don't.I am getting obsessed with knowing what he is doing and am desperate to know if he is happy with his new wife.Deep down I want him back but I know I can't.I am going out of my mind.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): @ poster, In addition to AuntyEm...'What if' doesnt exist so stop trying ....You have a new life here and if you try to complicate it by starting something with an ex that was 'not really into you' , the destruction and devastation will be a sight unpretty....You need to look at your marriage and try to figure what it is that is missing or you are not geting that is making you hang on to your past relationship which by all indications failed..You need to be absolutely honest with yourself and seek to resolve these issues...You can build a happy life without your ex...Dont spoil your chance that is right in front of you , otherwise you may regret it
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 April 2011):
 It's unfinished business in your head and that stuff can drive you crazy.
I don't know what it is about us women, we can be the most reasonable of creatures and also the most fatalistic and obsessive. Your mind is going over old ground and filling in the blanks of 'what if' and 'should I have' but the reality was that the guy cheated on you and he probably always would have. If you had married him you may have had a very unhappy life (going on the track evidence).
Your life is different now and maybe it was fate that you met your new husband so quickly, maybe he was there to protect you from pain and hurt of the first boyfriend.
Getting into a pattern of obsessive thinking could actually blow your world apart and is it really worth it?...for a guy who cheated? Chances are he will cheat his whole life because so many do.
ou don't need to know if he is happy because it will make no difference. He won't want to be with you, if he did then he would have saved your relationship.
Don't be fooled by the love element. We have all felt love for someone who wasn't the right one.
Focus on rebuilding with your husband, plan things together, try and re-establish the connections you made with him when you first met. Think about your wedding day and your child. I know it's hard and it might be worth booking a counsellor who can just listen to you get it all out of your head.
Think about the reality of what would happen if you approached the ex now he's married, what impact that would have on all concerned and how it will never change the fact that he cheated and at the right time you wanted out and walked away.
You need to force yourself to let it go because it's already dead in the water.
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