A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm conflicted, he says he cares about me and when we are on good terms he also tells me that he appreciates all that I do for him. However he knows after 6 years I have developed very deep feelings for him. When I express my feelings for him he gets enraged because his feelings aren't mutual,he speaks very harshly to me and tells me that he doesn't care about my feelings and the past 6 years we've spent together was strictly FWB(friends with benefits). If he doesn't care about my feelings then how could he care about me. And how does he expect me not to have feelings for him after the years we spent so much time together, after meeting his family and friends. We speak every day, we are sexually intimate every week, I feed him, I feed his family, I have fed his friend and I help transport him from point A to point B. How could he say those words to me after I have given him my heart? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is my update... It has been almost 8 months and I am healing well. Every now and then I'll shed a tear over the fact that he did not appreciate the love and affection I gave him. Make matters worse he texted me recently to reconfirm that he was never commited to me therefore it's my fault that my heart is broken. And then goes on to say he misses me and the friendship we had. So is he telling me that he misses my love and affection, the same emotions he does not have for me? If that's not selfish I don't know what is. I've never met anyone like him in my life. If he doesn't love me then why does he keep texting me how much he misses me? Very odd....
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 Don't expect any kind of apology, you will never get it because it's not in the guy to give it. Time will heal and it can take up to a year to rid yourself from emotional pain from someone who got under your skin. If you ever waiver read back the horrific list of faults the guy had and then ask yourself if you'd look for any of those things in a new boyfriend?...seriously you wouldn't want any of them.
Three months is good, summer is coming and you still have time to really work on yourself.
I understand 100% because I was in your place about 18 months ago...it took a full year for me to 'forget'and it was an uncomfortable and upsetting journey. Although I am not dating yet, I have been asked out by 6 other men in the past year, it boosted my confidence no end.
You will get there, just stay stong and find other things that make you really apreciate and enjoy your life...just keep moving foward xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate.... I am still standing strong and not wavering under temptation or his tactics to lure me back for his own gain. I have been free of my alcoholic,pot head, narcissist ass wipe for 3 months now. As each day goes by the memory and vision of which brought me to my breaking point slowly fades away however the emoitonal scars are still fresh. When I think of him I have strange emotional feelings of anger and pain from the mental/emotional anquish and abuse I endured. The mere fact that he has not contact me with a true heart felt apology weighs heavy on my heart and is on my mind everyday. How do I get rid of this emotional baggage?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 February 2011):
Oh my goodness from the way you describe him, he sounds like a complete dog. You may not believe this, but you do have the power in you to improve your self esteem dramatically andbecome more confident and happy with yourself as an individual. Confidence is the very thing that draws men in and without it, you haven't got a hope (except to pick up with the dogs)
Do not feel bad about what you have been through, just tell yourself that you have learned your lesson and are now ready to make an improvement plan for you. Don't rush into attracting and dating men too quickly, give yourself time to really build yourself up. Looks are important and we all have hidden beauty. Lose a few pounds, clear skin, clear eyes, eating healthy and getting enough sleep all go towards making you feel good about yourself, and that's money in the self confident box!!
People tend to date the kind of men they feel they deserve, if you want to date more acceptable men, you have to feel good about you!!
If the bozo comes back, tell him you are changing and he no longer fits in with your plan!
Get your mojo working and good luck to you!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advice. AuntyEm you hit the nail right on the head. As long as I was giving he was there to receive. This is a relationship that will never go the way I want it, which is why I have ended it. Moving on is hard. I do miss him however I do not miss the abuse.
The embarrassment from the constant rejection has really taken it's toll on me. Although he isn't the greatest catch(alcoholic, loser, lives with his dad, low paying job, narcissus, bud head) I find myself feeling insignificant and unattractive from all of the turmoil I faced in this relationship. Perhaps it is something within I need to look into before I can fully heal.
I will be prepared to reject him when he comes back begging. And he will!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): Why would you give your whole heart to a man who doesn't appreciate it and tells you he doesn't reciprocate? Maybe you are not ready for a real relationship deep down? How others treat you ultimately resides within you.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 February 2011):
'If he doesn't care about my feelings then how could he care about me'
The truth is he doesn't care about you or your feelings. He only cares about himself and the fact that if you left, he wouldn't have you around to have sex with.
To him, you have become needy of him showing some emotion which is irritating him and making him angry. He just wants you to be a good little woman and play along as you have done for the past 6 years. He wants to know he can rely on you for sex to boost his ego in a 'drought'.
You don't say if he is dating other women, but my guess would be that he most likely is. Men always have an eye out for the next best thing, when they arn't in a satisfactory relationship.
You have done everything for this man, but to be honest it's been too much. You gave! gave! gave! and never made the bozo work for anything!! so he took! took! took! and now takes a dump on your welcome mat when he leaves.
I don't even know you but I'd lay money that this is one relationship that isn't going to go the way you want.
Dump him and begin a new life for yourself.
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): Sounds like his erratic behaviour is taking its toll on your heart. Maybe it's finally time to give him the choice; all or nothing. If he wants to be with you then he will, if he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be. Either way at least then you know where you stand.
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