A
female
age
51-59,
*rokenheartedhelp
writes:how do i mend my broken heart? Im a married woman and i have been involved with a married man for the past 5 years, i fell deeply in love with him he said he loved me too. I helped him pay off bills and have been there as much as i could. He is a caring man, he says most of all our issues are my fault yet he gets mad and ignores me which makes me upset.. he recently said he is done with me and my drama, told me to get over it people break up all the time, i need to move on, there is no way he and i could be together his family would talk about us. He has told me i need to stop telling him i love him and how i feel, we arent married. I need to say these things to my husband. this has been going on for 6 months, i am lost and hurting and need advice. Please
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female
reader, riceinabowl +, writes (8 March 2012):
 Well get over it. I mean, you can tell he used you. You helped him pay off his debt and now he doesn't want you anymore. Stop thinking about him and think about your husband. He's the one you are married to. Ask yourself, why did you marry him in the first place. Think about all those memories you had with your HUSBAND, not the other guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): How can you say he is a caring man - clearly he isn't, he didn't care about cheating on his wife, he didn't care about taking your money,he didn't care that he ended the affair with you and you hurt badly.
For goodness sake, get a grip.How did you actually see this affair ending? That you would leave your devastated partners and run off into the sunset?
The 5 years you have been investing in this man could have been used to invest in your marriage - or, if you were so unhappy within it, leaving and starting a new life.
The choice you have now is if you stay married or if you leave.......Does your husband know?
The married man is gone,it's over, you have to get over that - divert your mind to what comes next.To looking forward, to sorting out your life.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Affairs are exciting arn't they??
If you had to put it all in a big melting pot what would be in there?
Passion,thrills, love, hopes and dreams, desires, sexual liasons?
and then what else is in there?
deception, lies, fear,jealousy, abandonment, begging, desperation, stalking, rejection, indifference, abuse, being 'the other woman' divorce?
It's no wonder that almost all end up crashed and burned on the rocks because none should ever have begun. and blood will always be spilled be it yours, his or your spuses and kids.
The fact that yours has ended is a good thing. You need to get your head back into reality and accept that it's over and you need to sort out your own marriage.
In this there are two paths of choice:
Stay, get help and work things out.
or
Leave, divorce, recover and then find another partner.
The fact that your 'lover' used you for money and blames all faults on you is a major RED FLAG. I suspect that you are not 'going quietly' and he doesn't want his wife to find out. The next thing will be that he declares you as a crazy woman and a 'bunny boiler' and his sympathetic wife will demonize you for stealing him away and take him back from 'the nasty evil cheating woman' (of which I am sure you arn't...but you can see it...right??)
Your husband may take you back also but things will have changed beyond all hope as he becomes ever more entrenched in jealousy and mistrust. Few survive but the odds arn't great.
What you have no my dear is a perfect opportunity to do the right thing. To walk away, cut all contact, seek some counselling to help you deal with 'all engulfing dissapointment and heartbreak' and to get to grips with what you are going to do with the rest of your life.
All the shoulda woulda couldas and love talk will not help to repair this...he has done what most of them do...he has gone back to his wife and you are left bereft. If you do manage to make a breakthrough with him, it's probably going to materialize as 'sex in dark corners' and you will be rejected over and over and over again until you are sick to death of it.
Take your golden opportunity from this and learn from it. heartbreak is the least of your worries. Things haven't worked out...it's time to move on.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (28 February 2012):
Hi there. What he said is right.
It would be wiser for you to use that same energy into improving things with your own husband.
Even if this other man did say he loved you, it was probably very unlikely he would have ever left his wife for you anyway.
And it's probably that way with you also.
Even though you told him you loved him.
It was more than likely an interesting little interlude for both of you, which helped you both to escape the daily grind of life, and making it a bit more fun.
Maybe this is why it happened in the first place.
Perhaps you were a bit bored and unimpressed with your life, and he felt the same and you met when you were both looking for something to fill a void, and that was the beginning.
As long as you are not really looking for a way out of your marriage, well then it would be much better to start putting in some effort with your husband and into making your relationship with him more fun.
Perhaps it is that fun is what is missing from your life right now. That's pretty easy to fix.
Having an affair isn't the real answer though.
Perhaps you could start some interesting hobbies that take you out of the house and making new friends.
You and your husband might need to go out more on the weekends, and do some fun stuff.
If your husband doesn't suggest things to do on the weekend, why don't you?
During the week, you could get some ideas of things you would like to do and places you would like to go, and then go ahead with doing them on the weekend.
What it sounds like, is that you are a bit bored, and a bit lost and without a sense of purpose.
You need to find your passion, things that make you feel alive and give your life real meaning.
It's a journey, and it's really worth the effort.
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