A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have a problem that some will think im stupid on. I asked my man to marry me on feb 29th and he said yes. we talked about rings and i showed him the ring that i wanted which wasnt alot 150 pounds. He said no problem he would get it for when we go away on the 28th of this month. Then suddenly after an arguement he cant afford it, then yes he can, then he has a dental bill to pay so he cant then he told his daughter and now its on again, but yet again its off. I dont no what to think anymore, my mates say go for the holiday and see what happens, others say dump him now and dont have anything more to do with him. What do I do? XXX Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 1sunshine  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 I agree with the above posts. He probably isn't ready for marriage. If he said no to your proposal? He knows that you would have been hurt by that answer. Go on vacation together, don't talk about marriage and enjoy yourselves. When the time is right for him to talk about marriage... He will bring it up to you or even surprise you with a ring! Just be "chill" about it. ;) Lots of luck !
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 March 2012):
 He can't afford the ring, that's what's happening. So yes he can (he'll starve or sell something) and then no he can't when you have an argument (why should I put myself out after all of this) then he talks to his daughter (yes, don't need teeth, rings are fun) then, yes, no, yes, no....
This isn't about not wanting to marry you, this is a man who can't really afford the ring. Can you buy him one. You asked, so how about you do it all the way. You buy him a ring first for engagement, and he can save up and buy you a nicer ring maybe in a couple of months time.
Then he'll be wearing your brand and he'll be a taken man. You with no ring... well... tell him to hurry and get you one. lol
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 March 2012):
 Gosh your friends are harsh, you cannot dump a man over something like this! No wonder relationships today dont last when people will bail out over the slighest thing.
Go on holiday, see what happens. Stop talking about marriage and the ring - leave him to his own devices to plan something.
You have taken away a lot of his masculinity in a way - you have picked the ring, you proposed - there is nothing left for him to do in terms of the traditions of proposals. He has been removed from any decision making and you have specified everything, he is probably feeling a bit emasculated and confused with it all.
As the other answers have said, he might not be ready for marriage but he didnt want to hurt you when you asked so he said yes, when really he wanted to say no.
But either way, he has said yes - so leave him be for a while and see what happens. You have probably pressured him too much and forced him into a corner hence why he keeps changing his mind, so drop the subject for a little while.
Here's a story for you - my best friend wanted to get engaged to her boyfriend of nearly 3 years. They kept talking and talking about it, but he kept changing his mind on what he wanted to do. She got so fed up, and she was so upset she was close to leaving him. But, one of her friends advised her to drop the subject and leave him alone for a while to see what happens. Low and behold 2 months later he whisks her away to Prague for a weekend and proposes on the Charles Bridge in the snow. She was over the moon! And this was all because she let him make his mind up, on his own, without her nagging all the time or trying to make the decisions.
Men like to do things their own way, in their own time. You have already forced him into a corner by proposing (he would probably have preferred to do this himself), so stop pushing him on the ring issue.
Your relationship is otherwise good I presume? So you have nothing to be upset about apart from a ring on your finger which isnt a big deal. I'm sure he will come through in time, just give him chance and let him sort it out. Stop trying to control everything and allow him to surprise you if he wants.
If you still dont have a ring in the next 2 months, maybe then is time to discuss the situation and make a plan. But give him time and space, let him sort this out and stop worrying.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 March 2012):
 I agree with worldlywise. I think he feels rushed or pushed. He most likely loves you and wants to be with you but maybe isn't ready for marriage. Why did he say yes when you asked him?...probably because if he had said no, you would have been really hurt and upset and he didn't want to rock the boat.
I don't think marriage can be rushed into (even after a long courtship) and it goes against the natural order of relationships for a woman to ask a man (like wearing your socks over your shoes...it just isn't the right way round)
I would drop it now and just enjoy your holiday together. If you have different ideas about marriage then at the end of the day, one of you is going to be dissapointed and marriage is a huge step.
If you think he isn't the marrying kind then find someone who is...not that simple I know but is it more important to be together in a loving mutual relationship or is it more important to have a ring?
If you back off a little and don't mention it again, I have a feeling he will surprise you, but you have to give him the space to do so...and think how much more it will mean when that happens.
Good Luck and enjoy your holiday xxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): Do what your gut tells you. He's clearly got mixed feelings about this, maybe he wanted to be the one proposing when he was ready?
You proposed,you showed him the ring you want..... maybe he feels cornered and a bit like its out of his control.
You don't say how long you have been together or what the relationships like in general,so its hard to judge.
I would drop the subject completely,go on holiday,let him take the lead. If he doesn't proceed,buy a ring then,well time to talk futures.....
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