A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in touch with my ex boyfriend, now married. It was a bad breakup and we started to finally talk and be friends again. Well one night I get two phone calls from his wife telling me not to talk to him or text him again. I didn't pick up. It was valentines night and my bf was over. Anyway, I called my ex one more time and asked, "I guess it's not alright to talk to you?" He said, "Apparently not, she's looking at my phone." Now my question is, Why didn't he just block me so there would be no problem if he knew she would not like it?? I didn't think quick enough to ask myself, and i don't want to call again.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 March 2012):
 I guess I don't understand what it is you are asking us to decipher. Based on the followup, you were with him for 15 years, so presumably you know him really well. We are just guessing why he acted in the way he did. Your guess would be far better than ours. Maybe you were hoping we'd come up with something you didn't think of?
Let's look at the situation. He's married, for better or worse, to a woman he chose to marry. You haven't shared with us why it's not his responsibility for choosing these actions, though it sounds like you have a theory for that. But the fact remains, he has a wife who has decided that she doesn't want you to have contact with him. That's between her and him.
And yes, I agree that you never own anyone. But if he chooses to allow his wife to 'control' him in this way, then he's made his choice, hasn't he?
I'm sorry that it didn't last between you and him, and that your children experienced the loss of a co-parent. It's difficult to go through that.
But at this point, the guy is with a woman who is determining who gets on his 'approved' friends list and he's chosen to let her do that. I can't comment on the cultural implications of everyone's heritage vis-a-vis this situation, but it seems as though you are spending a great deal of psychological energy in figuring this out. Is that a good use of your time and energy? Is the speculation hiding another aspect of your life, one that says you're with the wrong person for you at this time?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): First, I would like to thank everyone for their input. But one thing I would like to add with all of you. I didn't mention we lived together 15 years, he helped raise my kids by a previous marriage. We have a history and memories and my kids adore him!! After our break up, we continued to see each other for awhile, then within three months, he meant this woman, Indian, and married. He's white irish/german descent. It just seemed so weird!!Then I heard from friends of both of ours, he wasn't happy. He made a mistake, and he married her for reasons I don't want to say right now. Then out of the blue, were passing each other all the time, bumping into each other at local store, passing on the street in our cars in the city we both work in and stopping to say Hi!! It was like, it was meant for us to become friends again. That's all. And I've been married, and my only comment to the one response is you NEVER!! own anyone!!!! And if you don't let your husband/wife talk to who they want and try to control that, you will push them away!!!!!!!! Trust me!!!! I know!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 February 2012):
"Why didn't he just block me so there would be no problem if he knew she would not like it?" Maybe he's just not that quick-witted. I don't think there's much point in finding the answer though. Did you ask your boyfriend what his theory might be on this?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 February 2012):
 You the missing the point OP
he is MARRIED... it does not matter WHY he married her. he is MARRIED
what you had was the past. what he has now is his future...
IF you want him leave his wife and you have leave your boyfriend....
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 February 2012):
 It's sneaky behaviour...he is married, he belongs to someone else...go there at your own peril.
I agree with the other aunts, you can't be friends with an ex if there are still 'connections' between you and you are both attached to other people...it's selfish, wrong and its a store of misery.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012): Just to be clear, he married for reasons I can't say. We were both wrong in the relationship but we had a connection like no other I have ever experienced. So we started talking again. Just about good things, not the past.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 February 2012):
 I will second that!
YOU should know better. Grow up, lady!
If there was a spark he would be contacting you.
And married people ought to be off limits. You lost your shot at this guy. Let it go.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 February 2012):
Ugh, WHY does it matter what she thinks or what he thinks or does?
YOU have a boyfriend… He is MARRIED! What part of this are you not connecting the dots to? WHY in the world do so many folks think it’s ok to be friends with an ex? They are an EX for a reason?
You are NOT a young woman… you should know better. YOU be the grown up here and block his number… and pray for his poor dear wife… she’s got quite a winner on her hands there.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Who cares why, leave him alone. Period
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 February 2012):
Gosh arn't people tricky!!
The question shouldn't be why didn't he block you, the question should be why are you starting something with a married man? (and you do intend to start something...and so does he, it seems) His wife must be concerned (as any wife would be about a past ex) she told you not to call...and you called.
Do yourself a massive favour, stay away from exe's, particularly married ones.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012): Would you like there to be something still there? As you are questioning him not blocking you, I think you may be hoping so. But it is all very difficult. He has a partner who knows he has been in contact with you. She's not happy. So where does that leave you? Nowhere really. His not blocking you is not a sign that he hoped to continue contact. Leave it and see if he makes contact, if only to close the book.
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