A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, I'm 27 years old woman and I dated a 19 year old boy for 5 months last year. The very first time that we met, I doubted that we would ever got along as he's 8years younger than me, turned out, it was like love at the first sight for us both and we got along too well like soulmates. Then something happened where we had to seperate due to his parents objection toward my race and religion. He is Muslim and I am Catholic. Now, it's 2 months after the break-up, he came to me and told me he had left his family and all his family tradition asked me to marry him. I was very happy, but then I found out how he survives without his family; he become drugs-trafficker and sometimes a hitman and now he behaves a bit hard to everyone, I was shocked and feel sad about him. When I mingle with his friends I felt that they are too young, wild and criminal, I don't like it. I want to take him away from them but he always mad and reminded me how these people saved him when his family kicked him out as he chose me more than his family.Do you think I should say yes to his marriage proposal?How do I ask him to get-away from the gangster's life?
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drugs, muslim, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (9 May 2012):
no offence but you deserve better. please try to move on
A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 Let me get this straight: you two dated for 5 months last year, but presently it's only been two months since the break-up and he's asked for your hand in marriage?
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume you just made a typo/got your dates wrong.
My advice would be to ditch the dude. It doesn't sound like you two dated all that long, so you have no reason to feel obligated to a gangster. You wouldn't want to get caught up in that lifestyle, anyway.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 March 2012):
Cool story, bro
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 March 2012):
 NOT only do I think you should say NO to the proposal, I think you should consider ending the relationship.
it was his choice to leave his family and become a person who is breaking the law.
Clearly his choices are not mature enough to support a healthy relationship much less a marriage.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 March 2012):
 P.S. I understand that NO drug-trafficking organization offers retirement benefits to their "employees".... Do you know WHY??????
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 March 2012):
Go watch "The Godfather" movies a couple of times.... and see if that is the kind of guy you want for a partner.... (He's "in there".....)
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2012):
 You got a wild animal on your hands, it's not particularly the drug selling, although if he's doing that you will get involved with police and you will eventually have a husband in jail, nope, it's the hitman thing, he has killed and that will do something to his soul, killing people makes people funny in their head, they behave, think and act differently from normal people. They become uncaring, eventually they start having nightmares and become a little bit paranoid. They are right to feel like that, they do bad things, and so have a lot of enemies who want them dead.
How do you change him, right now he is 19, he is still a baby, life will come and bite him in his ass, and with time and experience, and many more killings he will get sick and want out.
It's not really good to be with a guy like this, a killer, a child, he aint human, he's a wild child. It's not sensible to mix yourself up in all this, the religion is the least of your worries when your dating someone who kills. Your older than him, (old enough to know better than to date children who are immoral) he's become dependant on you, he needs you like he needs his mother. That's not a healthy relationship, you've become a symbol of things that are good, instead of just a woman he is dating. Try and get him to go to any church, muslim, christian, I don't care which, but get him into a church to talk to a preacher and confess his sins. Church/mosque leaders are used to people with sins and know how to talk to them to help them be good again.
What your dealing with is more than you think, one day you'll get a call to say he's been shot and is hurt, or he'll come home covered in blood, hand you the gun and tell you to lie and provide an alibi. If he's in a gang, your life is in danger too, so don't have kids. Much to easy for his enemies to kill you, kill your family to try to get back at him.
You need to check why you have no problems dating, let alone marrying such a guy. The majority of women of any age would be disgusted and run away, not stay there talking about differences in religion.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 March 2012):
 Do I think you should say yes to a marriage proposal from a 20 year old child who has turned his back on his family for a life of crime and murder?...Ummm that would have to be a big fat NO!!!
Really? are you serious? The fact that you know he deals drugs makes you an accessory to his criminal dealings so I would worry less about 'will I be happy' and more about 'How can I avoid going to prison'
You haven't even dated for a year and it doesn't seem that it's been all that...why the hell would you even want to go there?...LOVE?...yeah, see how much he loves you when he's running drugs or behind bars, it's going to be a very lonely life for you my dear.
If you live by the sword, you will die by the sword (or guns in your BF case)...really you need to get your head on straight and get away from him as quickly as you can.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 Id advise against marridge.
The criminal path is a very short and sad one.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (1 March 2012):
 Your boyfriend may have left his family for you, but that does not give him the excuse NOT to listen to your advice.
You have every right to be concerned, if your boyfriend gets caught by the authorities thats a bleak future for you both if you accept his proposal and marry.
And can you marry a man who is a gangster / hitman who has no remorse and chooses to behave hard?
His behavior has a detrimental effect on your relationship if he chooses this path forever, which it looks like he has stubbornly made up his mind to do.
Of course these people saved him, they saw him vulnerable and offered him a quick rich scheme, it doesnt mean he should respect these people higher than you or his family.
I am born into the muslim faith myself (so i understand the nature of your boyfriend) i know countless like him.
Yes, he did the right thing following his own life and risk losing his family by choosing for himself who he wants to marry as a wife (you).
However the road he is on now is risky, dark, and detrimental to the future of your relationship.
He is young so may not see the full consequences of the way he is behaving by choosing his lifestyle/career over your feelings/ concerns.
I personally would not marry him based on all you have said.
It just be stressful if you always have to be continually scared of authorities finding him out, because people like that ALWAYS get caught.
I talk from experience,
1. of being a muslim
2. and knowing that thug life (from other muslim's experiences and watching them get caught and pulled up in court) so i'm just sharing the advice with you.
If he does not let go of his lifestyle you guys have no hope on earth of working it out.
It will eventually change him into a hard heart (if he isnt already) and you both will always have to watch your backs if you both marry.
Hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): If you marry him chances are you will spend years alone while he's in prison or worse dead the way he's going.Just constantly worrying when the door goes or when he goes out
You did not ask him to leave his family, he chose to.
However he sounds like he's going to be hard to shake off, it sounds like you will have problems. He is so young and a loose cannon.
You need to decide if he is worth it, if you love him enough to stick around and if he will change for you. Maybe leaving the area and starting afresh is the only way with him n you.
Personally I would run a mile, I would want no future with him at all...just consider how your life would be, your childrens life if you had them? Then how it could be, with another man, with a job, traditional life etc etc
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 Are you KIDDING?
He's a hitman and drug traffricker? That the kind of husband you want? Ask yourself that, don't think "maybe he'll change." Ask yourself if you've be cool be married to a guy like that.
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