A
female
age
51-59,
*ellagirl20
writes:Good afternoon all, I will give you a little background regarding my situation. I'm in my 40s and met a wonderful man a couple of years younger back in November while walking my dog. We actually live on the same street and we have been dating "secretly" now for three months. The secret is because he is going through a separation (selling his house etc) and we both have young children who go to the same school that have mutual friends. I knew when I met him that he was separating and it was fine with me as I too was recently separated. Only a few of our close personal friends know we are dating and it is just best if we keep it quite for now. Our families are also not aware of the situation as it is far too soon. In the beginning, this man was so attentive which at first I thought was a little too much as he was constantly texting me and started calling me "Hun" and "Sweetie" very early in the relationship. Then I thought I'd relax and go with the flow and now I have found myself falling for him very deeply. We spent New Year's Eve away together and had a fantastic romantic weekend. He even came to my office one day earlier in the year and brought me a beautiful plant as a surprise. He and his Ex just listed their house for sale and now he is searching for a new home for him and his daughter. I know he is dealing with a lot recently... separation, buying and selling of homes, his young daughter and then there is ME. I similarly went through the same thing last July so I know exactly how he is feeling. I am trying so hard to be sympathetic and patient but lately he seems to be backing off where I am concerned. We used to walk the dog regularly and get together as much as we could but that has slowed down considerably. He also doesn't text me as often and the sweet pet names aren't as regular. I'm afraid to say anything to him because I don't want to seem childish and petty or push him away. I am a strong, confident, attractive woman and I find myself defeated and feeling insecure and I don't like it!!! Is this normal? I know I should just relax and go with the flow and be a supportive friend but at times my heart is breaking because I'm falling in love. I don't want to get hurt as I too have been through a ton over the past year. Any advice would be helpful especially from any men out there. Am I just be silly and insecure?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 I am so sorry you got hurt dear girl, but you are in good company me you sandra Bullock!!! happens to the best of 'em.
Try not to let it drag you under.
Hugs
A
female
reader, bellagirl20 +, writes (4 March 2012):
bellagirl20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell... I asked him to be honest with me and he was. It's over. He told me he has too much going on. In the beginning he said he was infatuated with me but he just doesn't see me in his future! Wow... you can imagine how that made me feel. I guess I was a great diversion for 3 months while he made his transition into the single life. All the wonderful things he said to me meant nothing!?!?!?
It doesn't matter how old you are... a broken heart hurts at any age. :-(
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A
female
reader, bellagirl20 +, writes (22 February 2012):
bellagirl20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for replying. I'm not a stupid girl and I know all the answers. It's funny how people (especially women) need to seek out the opinion of others just to find out something they already know. Of course none of you can tell me what will happen and I don't expect you to. It's just comforting to ask for advice from others. My guy told me months ago that the reason he was leaving his wife was because he "wanted" and "needed" to be with someone. He needed to feel intimacy and he felt that with me as I was someone special. Apparently he and his wife were very distant for quite some time and tried counselling and whatnot. As a result of nothing improving, he initiated the separation. FYI... they separated before I came into the picture so I have nothing to do with them breaking up. He also told me I was a "wonderful addition" to his life and I know he meant it. So... I will sit tight and relax. I know he is stressed because of everything so I will give him the benefit of the doubt and not take it so personally.
What's funny is when I first met him he was very pushy with me and really tried hard to let me know how much he wanted me. I was the one who resisted at first because I had just bought a house and I was finally happy being single and trying to the best mom I could be and I was really finally happy with just being me! I DIDN'T WANT A BOYFRIEND! But now that I have him, I don't want to lose him. :-(
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 February 2012):
It could be that he is busy or it could be that as he nears the end of his marriage and is finally moving on to a place of his own, he might feel that he wants his freedom.
I know that sounds a bit rough because you both have been so close but the fact your relationship has been kept secret (albeit for a good reason)he may now be thinking that he can go it alone and explore his life and other opportunities.
There isn't much you can do but wait and see how things go. If he is just busy then his affections will return after things settle down but if he draws further and further away from you then its probably because he wants out.
Im so sorry you are going through this, it's horrible not knowing where you stand. I hope things resolve very soon. xxx
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A
female
reader, LovelyLemon  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I don't think you're being silly or unreasonable. It seems as though all of this stress may be taking a toll on him, and maybe your relationship has just temporarily been put on the back burner. I wouldn't take it as him being uninterested.
I would maybe try to set up a date night with him, or somehow be in a situation where it would just be the two of you, so that you could try to get him to open up a little. Reconnect and touch base on one another's lives. Let him know that you are there to help support him through this difficult time, as you understand fully what he is experiencing.
His new life transition very well could slow the development of your relationship, but don't let it deter you. He has a lot to focus on, and a new relationship in full force might be a bit much at the time. Just be patient and I'm sure he will be all your's eventually.
Much love and Best wishes
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A
female
reader, zxcsdiana +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I say you just keep going with the flow. You seemed to be doing really well with that at first! He's probably just really busy trying to sell his house, going to work, taking care of his daughter AND he IS going through a separation. Give him some space, and let him know you're there for him. But if it starts to really bother you then there is no reason for you to be dishonest with him and hold back. It's not like you'll be hurting his feelings by telling him how you feel! You two have been dating for 3 months.
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