A
female
age
41-50,
*elissa2012
writes:me and my man just had a baby girl about 3 months ago. he will not let me touch her,i have held her only 2 times since she was born and fed her once and that was at the hospital. last night i thought he was asleep so i went to her crib and picked her up he came in and literally took her away from me and said i dont know how to do it right and yelled at me.i have tried talking to him,reasoning with him,etc, but hes not having it.shes my daughter too and i want to be a parent.how do i get him to stop and realize hes going overboard? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 Wow. This is a strange one.
I have a 10 month old baby girl and it brought a tear to my eye reading this, perhaps because I am a Mother myself.
This is so sad hun. 3 months and you've barely held your baby?!
This is not right at all. I agree with the others. I disagree with the ones saying he's crazy etc etc. YES it is very abnormal, but lets get facts before we start insulting people.
You need to speak to your health visitor or midwife chick. When he is not there.
This is irrelevant and I'm sure you have no reason to be worried but I was sexually abused by a family member when I was a child, that's probably why reading this upset me.
Do not risk any danger to your child. What this man is doing is unacceptable and the fact you had to sneak in to hold your own baby is ridiculous and smacks the fact that you seem to be afraid of him and what he might do.
Please do not carry on like this. Haven't you read the news? Of people turning on their babies and partners etc.
I do not want to scare you, but we are all behind you.
It's amazing how worried we can get when we don't even know you.
If you want to talk to someone email me, [email address blocked]
and we can talk there.
please get help xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): I think you should get a way from him hes seems crazy like he has mental problems usally guys dont want to hold babies. you should get away from him ive never heard of anything like this before.
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (5 July 2012):
 How was he before the baby was born? Has he always been controlling? If this is out of character for him then it's possible he's suffering post natal depression. It's hardly ever acknowledged in men but it is possible. You should speak to a health visitor/doctor (I'm not sure how it works outside the uk?) as it sounds as though he needs help.
Equally, you have a right to bond with your daughter and this won't happen if he never allows you to be near her. Don't leave this any longer, 3 months is a long time to have been living like this. Seek help now, the problem won't go away by itself.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 July 2012):
 Hi Melissa
I agree with So Very Confused.
This man is not behaving in a normal manner and I believe you and the baby are in danger from his abnormal behaviour.
Does he go to work or just stay home all day? Does he go shopping? He must not take the baby out alone. He is not even run-of-the-mill abusive. He is just acting far too strangely for that, and therefore I think only a Doctor can stop him doing what he is doing.
He has no right to stop you bonding with your baby.
Here is an article on bonding with your baby. Of course this is your role too. It is not just for fathers.
http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/res_packet_2008/ch_three_bond.cfm
I think the baby’s father needs to see a Doctor urgently to assess his mental state.
Speak to your Doctor today as a matter of urgency.
His controlling manner is also not good for you, and not right either for the baby.
You need far better support in the home that you did not realize your rights were being trashed since the day the baby was born, if not earlier?
Please seek out additional support for you and your baby today. To protect you from this unstable man who is behaving in an entirely abnormal and erratic manner.
I think he is out of control. And dangerous.
Child Support related links:
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/statistics/can.cfm
http://voices.yahoo.com/child-protective-services-sixth-amendment-2744288.html
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2012):
 Does he go out of the house without the baby?
IF he does then you should call CPS and the police and get professional help.
I'm thinking that you may need to go to a shelter with a restraining order if he's that strict with you and he may fly off the handle and hurt you or the baby if you disagree with him. He sounds unstable to me.
seek professional help.
be prepared at this point based on what you are saying to be a single mom...
he may have a mental disorder that requires medication but only a professional evaluation can determine that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): I agree with Aunty Em, you must get official help. If a man is capable of preventing a baby's mother from holding her own baby, then this is a very , very strong sign that something is wrong - emotionally or mentally/psychologically. What worries me is what else he may be capable of. I think the first thing to do is literally call your doctor to make a home visit, without telling your husband if possible. Then explain to the doctor what is going on. The doctor can then decide whether your husband needs help with his mental health and/or whether to involve social services. I think this is the best way forward - your doctor will not mind if you tell a 'white lie' to get him/her to make a home visit, once they know what the real reason is. For your baby's sake, you MUST get help - this is not a healthy situation for a baby at all and it is really very worrying.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): "How do I get him to stop this?"
You can't "get him" to stop behaving irrationally.
Agree with AuntyEm, you need to get Child Protective Services or equivalent agency involved, boyfriend is exhhibiting pathological control bordering on child abuse and as things stand he is toxic, if not potentially dangerous, presence in your infant daughter's life.
I suspect you and "your man" had a troubled, likely volatile relationship long before you conceived a child with him but you either did not recognize or chose to ignore the red flags that must have been popping up almost from the start.
For your daughter's sake please, please, please get the help and support you so desperately need.
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A
female
reader, Sinful_thinker89 +, writes (4 July 2012):
 How in the hell is he going to stop you from holding your own baby? I would of gone ballistic every mother has a right to her child. You need that bond its very important.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): This is really really strange behaviour. I'm surprised you've waited 3 months to do something about it?
Tell your partner that this is completely unacceptable and from now on you'll be doing the feeding, bathing etc and he can help once a day. Your baby needs the contact with its mother.
If he persists in acting this way take the baby and go to your parents for a while until he's sorted himself out.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 July 2012):
 By any standard this is NOT normal behaviour. He is either completely controlling and neurotic or he does not trust you at all.
You are correct, your child needs you and it is your right to care for her. What do your family think? Are they supporting you? Have they witnessed his behaviour toward you where your daughter is concerned?
You need to contact social services and tell them what is going on. His erratic behaviour could turn to the extreme and your baby may be in danger.
Seek official help.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (4 July 2012):
Forget trying to reason with him, this is totally unjustifiable behaviour. Tell him you have a right to hold your own child. How will you ever learn how to do it right if you’re never given the chance? This is an important period for you and your young child to bond and he’s destroying that with his overly controlling behaviour. If he really can’t let anyone touch the baby because he’s frightened that the baby will be harmed to that extent, he needs to see a counsellor urgently as he has a serious phobia. But this could also be a form of pathologically controlling and abusive behaviour. Is he quite a controlling or manipulative person? You might seriously need to think about leaving the house and staying somewhere else with your baby, and letting him have supervised access. You can’t wait for him to see sense, you’ve got to forget about reasoning with him and instead be firm right away about this.
I wish you all the very best.
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