A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Friends with benefits to relationship then back to FWB? I met a single guy 6 years ago,we chatted started seeing one another once a week,he used to come to my house,i wouldnt allow anymore than once a week as i had my son living with me and thats when he used to go to his dads.anyway after a while the guy wanted to see more of me,and a relationship started to blossom,we started going out places together and he would stay at mine more and do jobs around the house for me.Even talked about marriage,he had always lived on his own,sometimes he would blow hot and cold and didnt know what he wanted.one weekend i never saw him as he went out with his mates,the following week he came to mine and said he didnt want to settle down and didnt want to be in a relationship.Things fizzled out,i was really upset as i had come to really love this man.Well in the last few years he has always tried to contact me to get me to go to his flat,a couple of times i have and we have ended up in bed together.in the last few weeks i have started to see him again,in the hope something may come of it,but it all seems like it was from the very beginning.plus i dont hear from him much and when i do its a few words sentence.and not that friendly.i know deep down its just about sex,but maybe it isnt.i just dont know?He's 45 and i'm slightly older. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 July 2012):
 I think it would be a mistake. If he can't make it work in a relationship WHY waste any more of your time with him? Honestly, having a FWB is NOT going to make him realize what he is missing.. or make him grow up.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 July 2012):
 Yep seems you got him right. He has a child with someone and still cannot commit...clear example of someone who is phobic about commitment...strangely these types can be the most charming Lol!!!
Cheer up, just praise yourself for having seen the wood for the trees and saving yourself years of heartbreak.
No time to waste on losers and making a silk purse from a sow's ear...plenty more fish in the sea and ones who will love you as you should be loved xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Thankyou for your answers,i do know your right,i suppose i'm hoping for something that will never happen.only he was seeing a women before me the same situation,and she now has his child which he isnt pleased about.i know theres a red flag flying from his past,there seems to be a pattern of the same thing through out his life.so he wont change i just have to be strong and say enough is enough.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 July 2012):
I agree with Aiden, you are suffering over this because you are invested emotionally. He is there for the sex and nothing else, but you are there for a loving relationship.
He stated that he did not want a relationship or to be settled with you and that is clear. Since he has returned, he hasn't been particularly nice to you and yet you still give him sex?. Women of our age know beyond all doubt that sex and love are not the same thing and that men can have sex and feel no attachment...
This is what is going on here.
As Aiden said....ask him, but without consulting my invisible crystal ball, i'd bet he's going to say he's confused, or he doesn't know what he wants...
This means he doesn't want to lose the opportunity to have sex with you, it doesn't mean he loves you and wants to be with you.
Don't look for love here, you will be waiting forever!
xx
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 July 2012):
 It's just about the sex dear one. You know this but hold out hope that it will be more. It won't.
What I have discovered about men when it comes to women, if they love you then you know it. If you love them back it's great... if you don't we call them stalker or obsessed...
That's chemistry. While he likes you well enough to sleep with you, He does not love you... and if he was going to love you he would have done it already.
That's the other thing... once they fall they fall hard and fast... and again you know it.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (4 July 2012):
Ask him to tell you what he wants: casual sex, friends with benefits or a relationship. You need to know where you stand. Could you go back to a “Friends with Benefits” relationship? Not really. They only work when it’s just about sex for both people. That might be how it started, but since then you developed a relationship and feelings of love for this man, so you will end up getting hurt and deeply unhappy if you try to go back to FWB. IT won’t work because you’re not emotionally detached from this man now. If there’s no future in your relationship and it’s just about sex, break it off, go your separate ways and move on, because not doing so might be even more painful for you.
I wish you all the very best.
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