A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I hope you can help me get some perspective. My boyfriend of 2 years asked me to lend him some money,just to get him through the week til payday. I helped him out, and he told me afterwards it was because he had to pay an unexpected extra amount towards his child's birthday party. Now we all get along well (him me and his child who lives with his mom) and I would have happily, if asked, contributed something towards the party. The way he asked me for cash for his own use instead has made me feel like an outsider and just sort of a cash machine instead of someone involved in his life and plans. Am I taking it too seriously or feeling put out over nothing or could his approach have been a bit better?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Yes, he could / should have told you. I think he did not tell you on purpose, not to risk being refused. His child 's party, albeit very important for any doting dad, is still a party, something voluptuary , optional, that can be skipped altogether or downsized to fit a lower budget, it's not like needing money toward food or rent or bills etc., something you can't escape and HAVE to pay.
That was obviously not your case, but some people might have told him : what a nerve, I have to stretch my pockets for your parties ???... and he wanted to play it safe.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Hi
Maybe he just felt awkward,embarassed to have to ask, thought you wouldn't lend him anything. Nowadays with the econamy the way it is alot of people struggle with UNEXPECTED costs.Being poor near the end of the month is something everyone I know goes through. Not cos they can't manage their cash,but cos they pay their living costs first and live on whats left.
So, if he had paid maintenance,bought a present, then had to pay towards the party or whatever its no wonder he asked for a loan.
Talk to him about how you feel,that he should have been honest, but make it clear you are not a bank and in which case, you didn't mind a one off loan.Men with children will never be rich, their priority is the kids.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Well, I hope he pays you back on payday after THAT treatment.
If he had been UPFRONT about what he needed the money for, it would have been a much better thing. I suggest you talk to him about it. Why he didn't tell you what the money was for beforehand, since he ought to have known that you wouldn't have a problem with it. After 2 years he should have been totally honest and upfront. Being ashamed that he didn't have the money doesn't "trump" lying to you.
Does he often have to borrow money from you?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Don't lend him anymore money, period!!
Keep an eye on things, if the whole asking for money becomes a pattern then it's a pretty sure thing that he's a freeloader...sadly too many of them (both male and female) exist.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (27 June 2012):
RED FLAG.
JMO, but if a man (assuming in his 30s) needs to ask his woman to float him money "just to get him through to payday," then you are dealing with one of two things -
1 - A loser who cannot make/save enough money to support himself and his current responsibilities
and/or
2 - A parasite who will bleed you dry for whatever he can. Now that you have lent him the money makes me think you're only reinforcing the behavior now.
If you were my friend, I would tell you to dump him now, unless somehow supporting a parasitic man is on your Bucket List....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): ". . . he told me afterwards it was because he had to pay an unexpected extra amount towards his child's birthday party. . . I would have happily, if asked, contributed something towards the party.""The way he asked me for cash for his own use instead has made me feel like an outsider and just sort of a cash machine instead of someone involved in his life and plans.""Am I taking it too seriously or feeling put out over nothing or could his approach have been a bit better?"I wouldn't rule out the possibility that bf's claim that he needed to borrow money "to pay an unexpected extra amount towards for his child's birthday party" is a lie to cover up for some shady goings-on that he doesn't want you to know about. If I were you I would be very VERY suspicious of such a story.
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