A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have a question about how to tell my girlfriend I need a break or more space. .I've being feeling very trapped for the past two months. . I've being with her for four years and we just moved into a apartment together and I thought it would be great with her but as more time passes by I begin to feel more anxious and frustrated that I'm not able to hang out with my friends or anybody else. . Even if ask her if I could go out she says no because I'm leaving her alone and she doesn't want to be alone at the apartment so I tell her to go with her friends and she says she doesn't want to because she doesn't want to talk to them or be with them. . I love her so much and I want to be with her just not right now how do I tell her I need a break??? Before all we have get ruined I want to keep her close at least as my best friend cause I do love he. .
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Instead of making a hasty decision, since 4 years and living together is a very serious thing, I think you need to sit down and have a serious discussion. If you are concerned that this is going to turn into a WWIII fight, then book one appointment with a counselor to have a mediator present so you can have a calmer discussion. Lay out exactly what it is that you need, a bit more freedom and space, and see what kinds of solutions you can come to. This is not a dealbreaker (yet), this sounds like a pretty fixable problem. I doubt she knows she's doing anything wrong. If you were in her position, wouldn't you want to be given a shot to fix it?
A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 I have never heard of needing a break meaning just that. It means that the relationship is over - dead - just needs burying.
I think you have a commitment problem, maybe not generally but certainly with this woman. The reality is far removed from the dream as far as you are concerned. You could be blaming her for what is really you getting 'cold feet'. It happens.
I could be wrong but nevertheless, you should really examine your true feelings, and act accordingly.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Hi
You need to talk to her about her behaviour before you make hasty choices. Living together does not mean joined at the hip, thats not healthy. You need to explain to her that she isnt a parent shes your partner.You dont ASK a partner if you can go out! You say 'Wednesday Ime going to be out for ...... with friends, won't be late back'. Ask them over to your place sometimes too.
Explain to her its not what you signed up for,that you love her, that she must understand you still have friends to see, things you want to do. Tell her if she carries on like she is then your going to move out.It could be shes just getting used to living with you.
If there is no change in a few weeks then you have to leave,at least you will have given her a chance.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Oh boy. You need to tell her that you're feeling trapped and smothered and that you need time with your friends and your own interest. By not spending time on her own pursuits, she's making you be her "everything".
You need to tell her that you need space. It's possible that you're feeling the initial adjustment that living together brings anyone, but you asking and her saying no all the time for you to go out is ridiculous. You two aren't married, and even if you were, letting someone know where you're going is all you need to do. Just let them know in advance "Hey Girlfriend, I'm heading out with my friends to a game on Thursday night" or "Hey, I'm going to a happy hour after work tonight" and as long as you're not breaking plans or messing up a schedule like a family reunion or something like that, she doesn't get to run your social life.
Now, if you have a kid, that's different. Things can't be so spontaneous.
Tell her that if you can't get more space, then you have to call it quits before you start really feeling trapped.
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