A
female
age
36-40,
*harliesdevil73
writes:I have a question for people who are going through, or have been through, what I am feeling right now.Up until a few months ago, I was pretty much anti kids. My husband and I discussed kids before we got married and agreed it was something that we were not sure we wanted. But, a few months ago I came down with "baby fever". Suddenly, I feel like I want a kid right now! I think about how great it would be to have a baby and watch them grow up. I know right now is not the time for us to have a kid, we would like to have a bigger house with a yard and be more financially secure. Yet, I still cannot get over this urgent need to have a baby. I have talked to my husband about it and he is on board with having kids, when the time is right, but he too feels we should wait.My question is....how have other people dealt with this feeling of wanting a baby so bad but knowing it is not the right time to start a family? How do you get your mind to stop obsessing over babies?Thank you in advance for your help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (5 August 2012):
I was expecting to read about some 17 year old wanting a kid, (I dont mean that in a bad way) so it is nice to read that someone is being mature about this and is thinking this through even when you are married. I think the suggestion about observing other kids behaviour is a good one, also if you could maybe find an article online about how a baby affects your life socially and regarding sleep etc it might help. I congratulate you for being mature and wise when thinking about this, Im sure you will make a great parent when the time is right
A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Haha very well said female anon! I do exactely that when i'm broody. Walk around a supermarket during the weekend, seeing how kids behave on buses and trains works especially well too!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Hahahaha female anon. How right you are! I worked in retail for years through college and high school, and I thought I was going to need therapy after the screaming, whining, wailing, destructive kids I saw as well.
Don't get me wrong. I have a son and I love him to pieces. But being a mom to a baby isn't all cute onesies and snuggling. It's the spitting up, screaming, the occasional fever, the teething, the lack of sleep, and the feeling like you've been shoved out of your own life.
If finances is what is keeping you and your husband from taking that step into parenthood, then you both need to sit down and write out some concrete financial goals complete with WHEN you will see them realized. A "I want a new house someday" can be 10 years if you don't have a plan to get there. Need to save for a down payment? Need to change jobs? Get your family household's economic goals and plan and set it. That way, your longing to be a mom will be tempered with the knowing that you're both working towards this goal.
This will also weed out any possible fear in your husband of being a dad. People tend to use the "we're not financially ready" to indefinitely postpone something they're not totally sold on doing.
Get the plan and budget on paper, and you'd be surprised at how much financial waste can be trimmed in a household budget!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): Here is what you do, and I'm being dead serious.
Go to a toy store, and walk round. You will soon come in contact with a bevy of whining, impatient, tired out, hungry, exhausted PARENTS. Hah.
I have felt this baby fever you talk about myself and I am much younger then you, so my time is still a long way away. When I get these thoughts, I remind myself how much of an investment a baby is. The strength, both emotional and physical that must go into raising an individual human being into a fully functioning adult.
Your baby fever comes in waves of minutes or hours. A baby is a 20 year + investment. Im sure you will make a great mother. But you should wait for that big house and financially secure status. Beyond the cute baby years, and the childhood years, the teens and upward can be a really stress filled time and result in much heartache to many mothers. It is a wonderful job but it is also a hard, painful job. I have utmost respect for parents.
So take your time. Live your life. Gather your wisdom and experience as a young woman. Then, one day, when you have your child, pass it on to them :)
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