A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am what you call a "career woman" and my parents hate it. Don't get me wrong, they're proud that I've been as successful as I've been all my life, but because I'm their only daughter, they want to see some grandchildren from me soon. Well, I'm 31, been dating a guy, casually, for a few weeks now and I feel like I'm already falling hard for him. He's like me: early-30s, career-focused, doesn't want to be tied down with marriage or children until he's well into his 40s. We've both had our fair-share of "fun" throughout our lives (we've both been around the block with love, sex, and frustration) and we both know what we want out of a life partner. Unfortunately we still haven't discussed marriage or anything of the nature, yet, and I'm wondering how I can approach the subject without scaring him off. We've only been dating six weeks and have yet to have sex... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): I agree with first anon.poster. I think he is a wrong guy. Well into his forties? That's crazy for me. Its time to become grandfather well into his 40s.
Guys like that end up childless or along. They think in their 40s they ll still be young studs who can have a 20 years old wife.
Wrong guy, really.
I understand your parents very much. Posted here few months ago about my daughter who is a career women also, she is 25, and got attacked here what a horrible mother I m for pressuring my child, which was not true at all.
Your parents worries are legitimate. 31 is a good age to already have a family. Especially if you want it in a future. Though people say that they know plentynof women who had kids in their late thirties, early forties, fertility issues arise after 35, even 30. There are also plenty of women out there who are struggling with getting pregnant after the age of 30, only because they are past their prime time to have babies. It's a fact, we can deny it as much as we wish, but it's the fact of life. That's why your parents are so worried.
Also, single life style is easy and pleasant, you are getting accustomed to it, and why to go for a family which is not an easy task to do, if you can have It effortless. That's why your guy is in no rush.
I don't think it's a good idea to even start this conversation with him,its useless, he still wants to play, let him be and find someone who is ready. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 I agree with the others and I will add that when the time is 'right' it should be HIM broaching the subject. Not you.
Once you start chasing him he stops chasing you and you end up hurt and angry.
YouWish is right...apply your professional skills to your personal life and you'll have the relationship you want. If not with him then with someone else.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Yeah, what is it you want to know? He's already told you his plans for marriage (in his 40's), so what more do you need? Six weeks is way too soon to ask him to get specific and that comes off as "I want me a man!!" desperate.
You have time, so don't worry that you're running out of time. Give the relationship time to grow. At 6 weeks, relationships aren't even at the "I love you" phase yet! Slow down, enjoy the relationship, and be cool.
Don't worry. Your "falling hard" for him is making you feel out of control. Pull back on your emotions and keep your head cool. You said you're a businesswoman? Use some of that grit to keep your wits about you. Falling hard can put you at a great emotional risk, and at the least, it can make you insecure and clingy. Play it cool. Not hard-to-get, but confident.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (3 August 2012):
 I find it interesting that neither of you want marriage, but you are "casually dating". If I didn't want to be married for 10 years, I'd certainly turn down any offers for dates in order to ensure I'd remain single.
However, now that you've been dating for six weeks, you're ready to get married? No offense, but are you sure you know what you want? I think it is possible to "fall for someone hard", but to want to get married after six weeks after not wanting to get married until you're in your 40's is a bit of a stretch.
It sounds as if you've already talked about what each of you want in life, why not bring it again? I have heard of people wanting to get married after such a short period of time dating, but I think it is rare. Why are you rushing things? And, you've only been dating for six weeks, but it's upsetting/disappointing to you that you have not had sex? I am not sure where you're coming from as I've never had sex that early with someone I was seriouly dating. That is another thing that is odd about your post. You say you are "casually dating" but have "fallen hard". Seems backwards to me.
Not sure how to answer your question except to agree with Cerberus.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): I don't know what you need to ask or talk about OP. He's already said he doesn't want to be married or have children until well into his 40's so it seems to me that you already know where he stands on that issue, I honestly don't see what needs to be discussed.
I also think you're jumping the gun a bit. It's only been six weeks and you don't even know if you are sexually compatible yet and while you may be falling for him, 6 weeks isn't a hell of a long time to even properly get to now someone.
The simple answer to your question is you can't approach the subject without scaring him off because he's already told you were he stands with that and frankly it's a bit much for the girl you're only casually dating to start taking about that stuff.
OP you say you've been around the block so you obviously must have experience with these things. Why not just follow the relatively standard pattern of getting to know him, then maybe committing to a relationship, having a sexual relationship, then spend some time being a couple and see if you work well together before you start throwing marriage and kids into the equation.
I would think a girl is a bit crazy or desperate if she started probing me on it when she already knew my plans and before we'd even started a proper relationship.
What's the hurry?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): Like you said, he doesn't want to be "tied down" until another decade or so. Doesn't that answer your question? He's the wrong guy if you are looking for a permanent commitment.
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