A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i don't find my wife attractive nor am i in love with her anymore. I don't want to lose my kids and i am not brave enough to confront my wife and tell her i want to leave (be able to do it with the least grief as possible)"Please, this is hard enough to even comprehend, no nasty replies. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 August 2012):
 I agree with YouWish. It's not fair to your wife or to your family to walk away without notice or even giving it a chance. There is no way you can even soften this, it will be devastating. You owe it to your family to at least give counseling a shot first. As YouWish said, this could be some kind of mid-life crisis or otherwise temporary "slump."
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): "How do I leave my wife with the least grief possible?"
You don't leave your wife with the least grief possible, you just leave.
You can't control how others will react to the news of your actions, you can only consider the effect of your actions on yourself.
Action: Leave your wife
Intended consequence: Least grief possible (for YOU and only YOU, once she's out of your life, whole point of leaving)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): We cannot help who we fall in love and when we fall out of love. Being in a loveless marriage is not healthy for you and the kids, especially since children pick up on the unhapiness of a marrriage and believe that is what a marriage is all about.
You can try a seperation and then work from there. IN respect of your kids, they should not be a tool and caught in the seperation. If you and your wife care for those kids you will ensure that your personal differences are not taken out on the kids and they know that regardless of the split their parents love them.
You have already set your mind to a seperation, if you continue to stay it will not be fair to her or yourself as you guys will make yourselves miserable.
Are you involved or inlove with someone else?
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Hi
There is no way you can walk away without nuclear fall-out. Your leaving your wife and children for goodness sake.
If your 100% certain its what you want,then break the news gently, tell her the financial arrangements and child access and child maintenance plans. Let her know your not just leaving her high n dry and forgetting your responsibilities.
The children shouldn't suffer either, they need to understand they will see you and that your not leaving because you don't love THEM.
Then go, keep to your word,file for divorce. That way she is free too, to find somebody who will love her and to make a fresh start. She will be in shock, hurt and very angry but as long as you stick to your side of the bargain,she will calm down and adjust eventually.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 August 2012):
 Listen, no matter how much you try to soften the blow, it's going to be a devastating Nuclear event. You will devastate and hurt your children like no other, and your wife will be crushed as well.
Is that all you want to break up with her over, the fact that you don't find her attractive and you don't love her anymore? Have either one of you been unfaithful and have cheated on each other?
A lot of people go through mid-life crises (and you're vulnerable for one at your age), and something as simple as medical issues can change your view on your wife and your world. You both should go in for counseling now. I don't care if you think nothing will change. You owe it to your marriage, your wife and ESPECIALLY your children to admit together that you need it. You've been checked out of your marriage for so long that you've let the very relationship wither and die. That is on you.
Remember, even if you decide to go forward with the divorce, you have to take yourself with you into any new relationship, and you are 50% of the reason why your marriage failed. Go to counseling first. Want to do this as right as possible? Go to counseling.
If you have a third party like a mistress or a love interest you have in the wings, you do realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I've seen so many guys break up their marriage only to find themselves severely suffering from remorse at having made the biggest mistake of their life.
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