A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:He is the only person I have ever had sex with. At the beginning of the relationship, years ago, I was too.I am going to go out and have some fun with other people, just so that I can stop feeling like such a loser. Maybe then we can decide if we are getting back together again or not.And I may decide, to tell him or not, depending on your advice.What I want to know from you is, what are the pro's and cons of what I am about to do? I especially want advice from people who have been through it.Am I going to feel like less of a fool, or am I going to get a new kind of guilt, as a friend says?I am doing this with the full knowledge that we are very likely to get back together, because as highschool sweethearts, we always do. I am just sick of finding out from him that "three years ago, there was this girl.." It has happened too many times, frankly, and I am bored of being the sulky bad fool. I am bored of the breaking up, throwing tantrums, not speaking, getting back together cycle. Let him be the shocked one for a change...So, any input?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (5 August 2012):
 Revenge sex is absolutely FANTASTIC!!!! ..... until about 5 minutes afterwards.... when it sinks in, what you've really done....
Good luck....
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 August 2012):
 Flynn: Agreed, the date probably wouldn't mind. What's more, he would probably jump at the chance of "no-strings-attached" sex. That wouldn't mean the poster wouldn't be using him... or that HE wouldn't be using her. Look at the second paragraph in my post.
Just to illustrate my point, the fact that my slave doesn't mind being my slave does not mean it is right for me to keep him as slave.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): *You'd be using someone for sex under the illusion that this is the way to get even.*
Somehow I don't think her date would mind.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 August 2012):
 Excellent feedback from Youwish and Danielpew.
My advice?
Simple: if the relationship with your now-ex was that bad, then move on! " as high school sweethearts we always do" get back together. Nonsense!
You don't HAVE to go back to him - in fact you'd be much wiser and would show better judgment if you cut all and any further communication with him. No more; not now, not ever.
Don't cheapen yourself by having sex with someone else just to attempt to hurt your ex. You'd only be using another man, and he'd be using you as well.
No, stay broken up and in time seek out someone more compatible to form a good relationship with.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (5 August 2012):
You'd be using someone for sex under the illusion that this is the way to get even. I would understand if you yelled things at the man, but not this.
The person you used for sex may very well agree to it, because he would be getting laid with no strings attached. He could feel he would be using you. "See, she got angry with some fool over something, and she's letting me have her, so why the hell not?".
I believe that, in general, you should be in control of your sexuality. You can let go and think about nothing once you're having sex, but you have to know very well what you are doing and why. I feel "revenge sex" is "impulse sex".
The relationship is wrong. "We always do"; "I am just sick of finding out from him that three years ago, there was this girl... It has happened too many times". Maybe you could have forgiven him once, but now that you have done it "too many times" he naturally thinks he has you in his hands. Revenge sex would be an excuse for him to continue doing what he does, and you would still be - forgive me for the bluntness- "the sulky bad fool".
Leave the man!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): I'd break it off with him and have some experiences. If you keep things discrete, you could probably get back together, but you just may find someone who truely loves you and you may not want to go back. Your young enough to not just settle with a high school sweetheart.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 August 2012):
 "I am bored of the breaking up, throwing tantrums, not speaking, getting back together cycle. Let him be the shocked one for a change..."
So, you think you'll get back together, so you want to have sex with someone else just to hurt him? That is utterly insane.
If you really mean what you said about being bored, then DON'T get back with him! It's excruciatingly simple. If the relationship is bad, then get out of it. Don't take risks like pregnancy and STD simply to get back at someone.
If the relationship is toxic, then walk away. Who cares if he's your first? You can stop the cycle once and for all. The petty power struggles do no one any good, least of all you.
You both broke up. Stay broken up. Bouncing back and forth with him like a yo-yo will keep up the crap, and sleeping with someone else now is insane unless you're never going back to this guy.
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