A
female
age
30-35,
*eyshorty16
writes:Okay so today I was hanging out with my boyfriend like normal, (we usually hang everyday) and hes a sweet heart. I really like him and maybe love him. But see the thing is he smokes weed, I don't really care about that but while I was making him dinner he got a phone call from a friend askin him If he wanted to hang out with a couple guys and do some drugs. He wanted to go but He didnt want me to get mad so I said idc. Based on my tone of voice and sense he was with me I thought he wouldn't go. Well he did he left me in the middle of cooking dinner.. He hasn't ever done this to me before and I'm kinda pissed off. Should I be mad? Should I give him the silent treatment? He texted me before he went to his friend just saying "hay baby" he tells me he loves me and I'm his world but when he did this I didn't feel like he cared.. The thing is we don't fight that much and he very affectionate. Usually it doesn't bother me when he's with his friend n does shit as long as he's smart about it or so it doesn't cause him harm. Or as long as he doesn't fool around, I'm just mad cause it was our time together granted we see each other everyday I just felt like I was ditched even though I said idc. I don't want to lose him but this bothers me. Am I wrong for being mad?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 August 2012):
 Don't say *I don't care* If that is NOT how you feel. Be honest about it.
It doesn't make you a "cool" girl friend by letting him think it doesn't phase you.
Be honest, be real.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 August 2012):
 I have to ask, have you seen what drugs do to people? No? Well I have. It screws up peoples brains. Weed isn't innocent either. Sure, you can have one try at it in your life and it wont hurt you. That's weed, it's mild that way. But you get addicted fast, and it fries away your brain cells. Perhaps your boyfriend seems normal still, but 5-10 years from now, you'll seriously see the problems.
I knew a 17 year old who was smoking weed day and night. He was stupid. Plain and simple. It wasn't the way he was born, no, it was because of drugs. He didn't get things, couldn't follow a conversation, didn't get jokes etc. All his actions were aimed towards getting his fixes.
I've dates several druggies. The common line is "a smoke is so good after dinner", "it's so good before bed time", "it's so good when you wake up", "its so good after sex"... Basically.. they just want to get high at whatever time they can. That's an addict for you.
I recently ran into a guy I went to school with. He'd been doing drugs. He's now diagnosed with schizophrenia. He thinks people can hear his thoughts. He's not able to work, and goes to a psyciatrist, and is on well fare. Your boyfriend is running down that same path.. and you don't mind?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 August 2012):
You don't really care that the boyfriend, who you say you care for and perhaps even love, is smoking weed and frying his brain cells away? Really? It's one thing to accept it, but another to not mind at all. Your boyfriend is screwing up his head.. but that's all good with you. Why? Why do you think it's okay that he'll turn into a veggie, or develop mental ilnesses, or waste his money on something illegal? Exactly why doesn't this bother you at all? Maybe you don't see a future with him, and that's why you don't care? I certainly wouldn't see a future with a drug addict, so I hear you there.
Your boyfriend left you because.. he's a drug addict. Yes, doing drugs was mor eimportant to him than being there with you, cooking dinner. Any normal person would know that you don't just leave like that. But he's not functioning on a logical and polite level, he's doing what he does to get his "fix". He's an addict. Addicts don't care who's feelings they hurt as long as they get their fix.
Then again, DON'T LIE. Don't say it's okay when it isn't. Be upfront and honest. Tell him you're hurt. And then if he asks such a question again don't "imply" with tone of voice. Be honest! Tell the truth! That's what you should have done then, and it's what you should do now. No silent treatment, that's for immature and conflict shy people who can't face facts. No, you need to talk to him and tell him the truth about how his actions make you feel. It's called COMMUNICATION. You and him need to communicate, and you need to start caring that your boyfriend is screwing up his head with drugs.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 August 2012):
 Yes, you are wrong for being mad. You *said* to him "I don't care." when you did. That is a lie. Now, I know there are people on here who will say that he should have picked up on your facial expression and tone of voice, but he *heard* "I don't care", especially since you and he have talked before about not caring about his doing drugs (personally, I'd be MUCH more concerned about dating a drug addict who can't get through a date without lighting up!). You gave him permission to go. If you didn't mean it, you shouldn't have said it.
That being said, NO, god no you shouldn't give him the silent treatment. What is this, the "All-Miscommunication-Hour?" with your hosts Sarcasm and Silent Treatment? All kidding aside, if this bothered you that he would even be insensitive enough to ask to duck out with his friends while you're cooking him dinner, sit him down and tell him how you felt that night.
Tell him that his wanting to go off with his friends made you feel unimportant and ditched, and that you said to him "IDC" because you didn't want to start a big issue then, but can he please not ever even ask to do that again, because it made you feel like he doesn't care about you.
*That* is how you communicate.
And, on a more direct note, you shouldn't be okay with his drugs. They're not interfering with his life if he has to find his friends, go off, and get high. His drug habits are a massive red flag, and I know you're thinking in the moment, but is this something you want in your future, or are you banking on this "dropping off" with the coming of maturity? I wouldn't bank on that. Does he have a good job, or is he in school? How are his grades, and what does he want to do with his life?
Other than that, this is a small disagreement, and sitting him down when you're not out-of-control emotional and calmly explain it to him like I suggested is the best source of action, because emotionally punishing him with the silent treatment just to gain emotional satisfaction out of him chasing you and asking "what's wrong" until YOU no longer are mad at him is absolute crap.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 August 2012):
 Well, you have certainly been shown where you fall on his list of priorities, and it aint anywhere near the top of the list. Yeah sure he texted "hey baby" and says he loves you but as they say, actions speak louder than words, and while he may believe he loves you, he actually loves his friends and drugs more.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 August 2012):
 You EXPECTED him to act like an adult, and remain with you to share the meal that you prepared for the two of you. He chose to ignore your efforts (and the scrumptuous meal) and go off for HIS fun...The only thing "wrong" here is that YOU were dissed by your "boy-child" B/F who is sufficiently self-centered that he DID this.... What you did wrong was to not say to him, "Of course you shouldn't go off and do weed with your buds. Can't you SEE that I've prepared a meal for us? What ARE your priorities?" Then, you should have said, "Why don't we just chalk this up to an instance wherein YOU don't give a damn about ME... and, upon its happening again, you won't have to think about me EVER AGAIN, because I'll be living elsewhere, and cooking for a REAL MAN who appreciates a REAL WOMAN...."Good luck....
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