A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'm quite clever, and my family and people close to me, outside of school, say that I'm absolutely gorgeous. However, no-one at school says I'm very pretty.. and I'm never asked out by anyone. I'm not very popular so I'm expecting this to be the reason.Does the need for a girlfriend to be percieved by many as pretty, and popular always apply? Does it ever matter that a girl isn't a bitch or a back-stabber?Please help me, I feel really self-concious. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Nico +, writes (7 February 2007):
 Hi,
All i can say is be yourself, you can't change and i don't think anyone should change to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, if someone likes you for you it is the best feeling ever! You will find someone you just got to say to yourself they aint bumped into you yet. I'm sure your gorgeous like your friends/family say so enjoy life with them and i can guarentee you will meet somebody without even looking! Good Luck. x
A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (7 February 2007):
another victim of the 'you need to be pretty to succeed' culture we live in.
guys arent very forth comming when it comes to asking out girls, and it actually tends to be the case that the prettier ones actually scare more men away as they tend to think they dont stand a chance with her.
and even if you werent pretty, wat does it matter? theres someone for everyone. i believe more in the person than their looks so as long as you attack life with confidence and conviction and treat every person as youd like to be treated, you'll be beating back men with sticks.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (7 February 2007):
 Most young guys are not very confident when it comes to asking girls out on dates. They'll be especially unconfident about asking a good looking girl out. It could be that because you are attractive, the guys are intimidated and won't ask you. They think you might say no, or laugh at them, or whatever, because they'll not be good enough for you. Especially if they know you are also clever then they'll be very intimidated. There's nothing like a good looking smart girl to make guys think they have no chance!
The fact that you aren't popular isn't important (in fact as you grow up you realise what a complete waste of time 'popular' is), but it could be making things a bit more difficult because you are just not so well known. Again that makes you a bit more intimidating to ask out on a date because you are more of an unknown quantity, more mysterious.
To give you a window into a young guys mind on this...
"Dumb girl, well known and cute, but not too cute. She's not confident and covers it up by being social, so will probably want a boyfriend to prove she's cool".
What a guy thinks: "I might have a chance here, I'll go for it".
"Smart girl, not well known, and very good looking. She's confident and doesn't seem to care about being social or what people think about her, so could care less about having a boyfriend just to look cool".
What a guy thinks: "I stand no chance, she's going to think I'm not good enough and I'll get embarassed if I ask. So I'll just not try".
I could be wrong, but that might be what's going on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): First of all be happy. I never used to get boyfriends while all my friends around me were. i got upset and once i got a bit older, when i started wearing make-up etc. i started getting noticed a lot. I started having boyfriends and was sooo happy. but the reltaionships wouln't last long, after them i felt used and like people only wanted me for sex. Right now i enjoy looking nice and getting male attention, but this is not the important thing. I have been with my boyfriend now for 3 months. We met at hospital, i was visiting my friends mum, and he was with his little brother. I had NO makeup and without makeup i look horrible- seriously, my eye brows are blonde and i look like i dont have any and i have kinda chubby cheeks so i feel like that man in the wheel chair from little britain!!! (you might not know it) but yeh. He's good looking and lovely, and look how we met! we havent had sex, he said he wants me to know thats not why he's with me! im so happy and i dont feel the need to look great all the time, because being a nice person, not being bitchy or being a backstabber is a great and admirable thing. These are qualities that will get you someone special, after that he saw me with my makeup on and i felt good, and actually prefers me with out! strange boy. But dont wory, dont feel the need to be in a relationship because if its with a person that is just with you because your pretty and popular then there most likely not going to be interested in the real you. Im sure your beautiful and whats popularity? you have friends and family, which a lot of people dont have so look at all the good things not what other people have and you might not... the grass isnt always greener!
sorry its long but you reminded of myself and i just had to answer! Keep being a lovely person, it will get you further! mwah! xxx
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