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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I am in a relationship with a man. When we have sex everything is fine, he has an erection and have no problem but he never comes. I have orgasms with him but then he justs asks that we stop because he can't come. It is really frustrating for me' and I blame myself - he says it is because of him. any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): I don't think you mentioned his age but I know some men suffer from desensitisation from choking the chicken too often, but there are also other factors such as have been mentioned medication, etc.
But I know of a condition [which I too suffer from] where a naturally tight foreskin , during sex slides down over the base of the penis head and literally chokes the blood flow, causing the guy to loose sensitivity and therefore be able to go on for hours [I've been known to go on for two and a half hours].
I think his physician should be able to shed some light on the problem.
There are just so many variables that could be contributing to that, that it's difficult to help you with 100% certainty, but being a conciencious lover will definitely go a long way to helping it.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, howtocope +, writes (14 December 2006):
be careful he could be taking some sort of meds behind your back. this happend to me with a man for almost a year. found out he was addicted to perks, i always thought it was me but it was him.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 First of all it is him, not you. Yes it is frustrating, and its quite natural for you to feel like you are failing him in some way. But it really is his issue. The best thing you can do is be supportive and let him talk about it openly. Not easy to do, because this general area is really bad for a guy's self esteem! And his ego would probably love to find a way to blame someone or something else.
You don't say if he has always been like this, that is something to ask him. If you know that it happened to him before he met you, then that is a very direct sign that it is nothing to do with you.
There can be lots of reasons for this, including:
- Medical drug related: anti-depressants and beta-blockers are culprits
- Diabetes
- Prostate problems
- Over-use of alchohol
However this is more commonly psychological. It can be due to a whole range of things, generally around having difficulties 'letting go', or feelings of inadequacy or insecurity around sexual performance. It can also be due to simple stress.
There is a good article about it on the BBC's health site. This is a link to it:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/sex_and_sexual_health/probs_difficultyejaculating.shtml
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 You say that you are between 40 and 50. Some times older men have trouble firing off their cannon, so I've heard. LOL. Maybe it's not as tight as it once was and he's not getting the friction he needs. Or it's also possible he is spanking his monkey before the event so that he doesn't come too soon. I'm just speculating.
Does he complain of having a case of "blueballs" from not ejaculating? Maybe some sensitizing gel, or a good old-fashioned blow-job might do the trick. Go get it!
p.s. to goodaz. I've never had a hard-on and not been turned on about something. It just doesn't work that way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006):
Assuming he is the same age range as you there could be a number of physical problems going on. Could be arousal, could be testosterone levels, could be lingering feeling for an ex-wife. Could be a side effect of some medication. Does he lose the erection and therefor the stimulation?
Are you able to get him off either via oral or a handjob? That might narrow things down a little.
If you suspect that its medical, a conversation with his physician is the place to start.
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A
female
reader, goodaz +, writes (13 December 2006):
 hello my names di and im 20. every time a man has an erection,d oesnt always mean that hes turned on, so try asking him what he likes, and tell him to feel free askin you what you like, even if this envolves using toys, this will or should turn him on. then move on to actually doing what you both like then you will definately get an end reaction from him. good luck.xxx
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