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male
age
36-40,
*rusturated0203
writes: 3 months ago, I cheated on my girlfriend of then, 4 months with a friend from high school. I told her and she decided to stay with me, but I know that I don't deserve it. I never expected her to forgive me. We had a fight the night before it happened and I was drunk, but I know that is NO EXCUSE. I hate myself for what I've done. She forgives me, but I don't forgive myself. I am angry with myself and constantly feel that I am not good enough and feel as though I am a bad person. We are extremely happy together, but I am not happy with myself. What do I do?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (27 January 2007):
 I cheated in the past and the guilt I experience afterwards was unbearable. I felt what I had done was completely unacceptable and I struggled to live with myself.
In the end the conclusion I came to was that this had been a good life lesson. I now know how horrible cheating is, and have resolved to never never never ever cheat again. The times where the opportunity has presented itself again, all I have had to do is remember how I felt before, and it stops me falling into the trap. I know that I will always be faithful to my partner because of this.
You are only a bad person if you do not learn from your experience, and go on to cheat again. If because of this you learn from your mistake and are able to remain faithful, then you are a good person.
One last thing. It can be easy to get so overwhelmed with the guilt that you feel the need to talk about it with your girlfriend. Don't do this, this is your pain to bear and sharing it with her is only going to upset her and make things worse. She deserves to never hear about this again, it is behind her now and that's where it should stay.
A
male
reader, Blue Rat  +, writes (26 January 2007):
Cheating is not the end of the world as your girlfriend has demonstrated. If she has forgiven you (which includes not bringing it up constantly or throwing it in your face every time you argue), then be grateful, learn from it, and move on.
Cheating doesn't make you a bad person by the way. It makes you human. Lots of fundamentally good and decent people have cheated and others will do so in the future.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (26 January 2007):
 You're really lucky that your girlfriend was so understanding but now, stop beating yourself up about your past cheating and try showing her she was right to take you back by putting 110% into your relationship.
CD
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): Agreed that she's decided to stay with you, so you really need to make the most of the relationship and sort of 'Make it up to her' by treating her the best you can and making sure she realises that you love her and want to be with her.
It sounds like she's moved on from it, so now you need to move on from it too, count yourself lucky you have this opportunity!
Best of luck
Paul
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): You are so lucky to have such an understanding gf! She has forgiven you for your dasterdly deed. She must love you. Try and put it behind you and put 100% into your relationship.
Take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): You are so lucky to have such an understanding gf! She has forgiven you for your dasterdly deed. She must love you. Try and put it behind you and put 100% into your relationship.
Take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): We all make mistakes, what counts is how we learn from them. I'm sure you'll never make the same mistake again, whereas countless people who cheat never experience remorse. Those are the bad people, if there were such a thing.
Sometimes doing bad things makes us better people. Would you say anything good has come from your mistake? Focus on that, rather than living in the past. The past has gone and there is nothing you will ever be able to do to change it. You can control your present and your future though. Live in the now, not in the what has come and gone. You've been given another chance, your girlfriend must love you. Take that chance, you're must be worth it!
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (26 January 2007):
 hi there
you need to forgive yourself and move past it. what is done is done and she gave another chance focus on making her happy when u see her happy you will know you have earned her trust and it will ease your mind. it might take a while for her to forget so if she notice u are still beating yourself up it might disrupt the progress she has made upto so far. relax and set future goals together every moment you spend together will amount to something. enjoy
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